God, all this money, and nothing to spend it on. Wait a minute! I've got an idea!!!
Are you sitting down for this one? Ever heard of cashmere? The insanely hard-to-produce sheep's wool that takes an obscene four years to grow and harvest? It's incredibly soft, flexible, warm, only grows a few places in the world, and -as one would expect, holy-hell expensive.
Available for a mere $348 at your local Brooks Brothers...
Not content to bedeck themselves in, what must be admitted is, one of the world's most opulent fabrics, the fine folks at Waitrose have decided that this incredibly versatile and lovely fabric is just as well suited to wipe the ass of the rich.
Yes, you read that right. Cashmere Toilet Paper.
For many years, cashmere has had an exclusive aura surrounding it. Fashion retailers today in London’s swanky Burlington Arcade sell beautiful cashmere sweaters for £300 and even a pair of gloves a pricey £70, so this innovative new product makes cashmere affordable, but none the less exclusive.
Carla Smith buyer for Waitrose comments, “Cashmere provides that stamp of quality to any fashion garment from a designer suit to the finest luxury knitwear. It’s indulgent, it’s stylish and it’s helping provide that extra softness to our new premium bathroom tissue collection.”
In essence, you are now advertising to the world A) you're a wasteful twat, B) you have more money than good sense, C) fabric that could be used to clothe the indigenous people where they fucking grow cashmere is better suited for your ass, and D) your ass is as dainty as a new born baby's tummy.
Way to go, asswipes.
I'd be pissed if I was the sheep...