Soooo. Guess what just crawled up my slacks?

As I was meeting with a client? I'm sure he appreciated me jumping up and down on one leg, and screaming like a banshee/slash 8 y.o. girl.

Yes. They are poisonous. Yes, I've been stung by their smaller versions.
No, I do not ever want to see another one as long as I live.

Friday is glad to be Evil

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Voltaire; a true Renaissance man if ever there were one: Artist, composer, writer, cabaret, commentariat. 

Have a great weekend.

On tap for the Shadow is a screening of "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" to benefit Big Island YWCA's sexual assault survivors; some mundane shopping and cleaning; catching up at work; and, watching the SEC burn.



I now share my new/renewed fixation: Pinups.

Sure, the sexy nerd girls do it for me; attraction is 50% physical and 50% between the ears. But, also being a big fan of pretty, feminine things, pinups have become increasingly a fave; especially, with the alt-underground style which pays homage to retro pinups. Sure, we all know Dita Von Teese, but there are tons of very lovely pinups out there.

So, let's celebrate their beauty, and overall punkabilly chic.

Today brings us one straight from the ole Gmail inbox: Violet Valentine.

I reject your starving women and substitute something a bit more on the curvier side, thx.

All good pinups have several common features: Soft lines, luxuriant hair, a strong handsome face, bright beautiful eyes and a great smile. Congratulations Violet, you meet all of the above. 
Beautiful lady.

Tip o' the satin top hat to the excellent Pinup Post. Go, pay them a visit now minions.


No one wants to see that...

Except for naked granpa.


Let's not get all ban-happy, shall we?

UPDATED: According to the Washington Post, the offending title is no longer available on Amazon.com. Moreoever, some further digging through the Twitter-sphere reveals that, in fact, the author does have a candid chapter about sexual encounters with children and does provide information on evading detection of illegal sexual conduct. This brings the entire argument below to a grinding halt. A how-to manual, which incites or furthers illegal conduct, is not protected speech. Let this be a reminder that, when wrong, I will gladly 'fess up. (Although, to be honest, I don't know how people had the stomach to pay for this e-book, much less read its entire contents).

* * *

Ok, so let's discuss censorship for a moment. But, before we get there, let's discuss a certain self-published title on Amazon, as well as what it does and does not do, and what it does and does not purport to do.  

There is no easy way to get around the title: "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct". The book in no way, form, or fashion advocates or serves as a how to for creepers at NAMBLA, rather, it serves a different purpose; to keep persons with pedophilic tendencies inside the boundaries of the law. That, by definition, would include no pornography involving children, no inducement, no enticement, and no remotely inappropriate behavior. These are very good things, I would think.

What the book does aim to do is to provide boundaries for those sexually attracted to children. This is where the issue gets thornier. By implying that there are boundaries that may or may not cross the line, it does -- arguably -- promote some very borderline, creepy behavior: Behaviors that are perfectly legal, but, on the part of society, are just too close for comfort.

Holy shit! He's not going to defend pedophiles and NAMBLA is he?

No, I'm not. Pedophilia is disgusting, vile, violent and one of the most harmful things that I can imagine which plagues our children and tears the fabric of our society asunder. The interpersonal damages are incalculable, and very real. I've counseled children and adult survivors of childhood sexual and physical trauma. I've seen what it does. Personally, I've had two members of my family who were raped as children (let's call it what it is, shall we?).  Some bounce back, others do not. No one deserves it. Moreover, I do not believe in "child love"; besides being an exceptionally derange notion of normative behavior, it is easily of one of the more exploitative attempts to justify manipulation of guileless children.

That said, I am decidedly for the publication of something that will keep pedophiles in line, and establish non-exploitative, non-sexual lines of communication among pedophiles. As the literature plainly shows, pedophilia is one of the most enduring, persistent and difficult to treat mental illnesses out there. Pedophiles often do not seek pre-emptive treatment because of the deserved social stigma. And, even when they offend, and are subsequently caught and punished, they reoffend at staggering rates. Why not set some self-limiting behaviors on the darker impulses, some that come from within? We cannot change one's thought processes or general sexual attractions, however, we can damned sure change the behaviors. At the end of the day, that's what we're all after isn't it?

No, Atticus! WHY?!?!

This finally brings me to the legal part of all this. First of all, Amazon can choose not to publish this book, and it is decidedly not censorship. It is a corporate decision made for the benefit of the bottom line. The First Amendment does not safeguard against private business decisions made by private companies; they remain free to publish what they will, when they will. It's just good ole' fashioned capitalism. However, I highly doubt many people are queuing up to defend the pedophiles here, should that be the case.

No, the greater issue of concern is when our polity, we as individuals, call for pre-emptive bans on sales, and bans on publication, of certain topics which do or might offend us (and, let's be honest, pedophiles are offensive and rank about as low as possible on the social foodchain). Being creepy and legal is within the boundaries of the law. Giving someone a private platform to be legally creepy  is also within the boundaries of the law. 

What is more harmful then? Operating within the boundaries of the law to hopefully curb destructive tendencies of pedophiles, or society volunteering to curb our own civil rights? What is more violent to our society? Disagreeing with and calling for bans on these materials, or operating within our rights as consumers to not support merchants who provide a platform for unpopular or marginalized opinions? 

Aristotle thinks it's a close call, but only because the "unpopular opinion" comes from those who are attracted to children.

So, let's not be mentally lazy; we can't conflate the publication of a disgusting tract with illegal conduct such as sexual assault or child pornography. The issue here is not that the guy wrote a book advocating illegal behavior, or inciting others to engage in illegal behavior, because he didn't. The guy wrote a book in which frankly illegal urges are discussed. Change the subject matter, and pretend it's something else: Like someone discussing their secret desire to steal, or cheat, or lie, or defraud the IRS, or their violent propensities: and, then discusses how others with the same urges can act legally to stay within the boundaries of society. To call for ban-action is to condone mind crime. In America we don't have to like people's thoughts, but we certainly don't preemptively ban those thoughts unless they are furthering, inciting or assisting illegal conduct. 

There's no illegal conduct here. There is some disturbing subject matter, which is legal, but not illegality itself. So, what's a pissed off consumer to do? Easy. Don't read the damned thing. Don't buy the damned thing. Don't support Amazon.com. Write letters expressing your ire, and why you will not be patronizing them. Here, I've given you a headstart:

Mr. Jeffrey P. Bezos , Founder, Chairman, Chief Exec. Officer and Pres
Mr. Thomas J. Szkutak ,Chief Financial Officer and Sr. VP
Mr. Diego Piacentini, Sr. VP of International Retail
Ms. Shelley L. Reynolds, Principal Accounting Officer, VP of Worldwide and Controller
Mr. Sebastian J. Gunningham, Sr. VP of Seller Services

Lord knows, Amazon publishes plenty of shit I find vile, violent, repugnant and harmful: The Turner Diaries, Mein Kampf, the "Left Behind" series,  Anna Coulter, Jonah Goldberg, Robert Bork, etc. So, I exercise my rights in return: I just don't buy the damned things. It really is that simple.

Everything else is just an angry red howler monkey screeching at an uncaring universe.


Thursday is in the doldrums...

And, what better way for an aching Thursday than with a Snow Patrol double feature. A fitting start to your day, I hope.

Set the Fire to the Third Bar.
Probably a bit commercial, but an interesting juxtaposition of the vocal parts.
* * *
Easily, one of my favorite songs of the past 5-6 years. Easily. 
The chorus alone is worth the price of pain for admission.

Here's hoping your day is off to a less bleak start than mine. And, on the upside, it's a holiday for many of us (not I, alas). So, enjoy...before winter comes in earnest.


I Get Mail: A Note on Lawyerin' and Limitations thereof

 Dammit, why do I get the sense this will be a disclaimer of sorts.

As you have probably adduced, clever lil' ghouls, I am an attorney. This is a fact which surprises even me sometimes; usually when I'm doing dishes in my underwear and having a dance party in the kitchen. That said, the gig comes with some prohibitions, because -- and this may surprise the cynics -- we are, and must be, exceptionally ethical persons.

We are tasked with literally being your agent, both in fact and at law. That's what the word means, at its core: It's derived from Middle English/Archaic French...attourne, or to be appointed.  This concept is a broad one, and when the gravity of it sinks in, you'll hopefully understand where I'm coming from. In a nutshell to be attourned means that: every word you need uttered, scrawled, reiterated; every action that must be advised for or against or taken to protect you; all property and real estate and monies that you need negotiated for, recouperated from, safeguarded, dispensed of and/or collected from; the advancement of your best interests; the protection of your fundamental and economic rights; the enforcement of the laws which make your professional, social and educational life function smoothly and without your notice; the responsibility for your very freedom and personal liberty...all of those are the responsibility of your attorney.

 Pretty heavy shit, huh? But is it as heavy as Slayer?
Trick question...there is nothing heavier than Slayer.

With all of these obligations comes some definite no-no's; do's and dont's that are absolute, and which cannot be breached. Why? Because like every other profession (cocksucker MBAs excluded), we strive to do well by doing right. Ultimately, all of our rules of conduct are to protect you, your faith in the judicial system, and the integrity of the legal system. And we take it seriously. And 95% of us do our jobs with integrity the profession expects and that you deserve.

 I liked him better when he stuck with dick jokes...
Among the laundry list of "Thou shalt nots..." is providing legal advice to a person and then attempting to deny that an attorney-client relationship exists. This means, that if you share a confidence to an attorney regarding an , and he returns those communications with some sort of advice, generally you have created an arguable attorney-client relationship. 

That is why I must now say the following to you*, and am only doing so now because of the emails that I receive...and receive far more than I would like:
  • No, I cannot tell you how to get your child support lowered.
  • No, I cannot help you with your creepy bosses. (although, I feel for you).
  • No, I cannot tell you how to collect from a deadbeat dad. (again, I feel for you)
  • No, I do not know and cannot tell you what to do when you flunked your piss tests.
  • No, I will not call your landlord and "work it out" for you. (although, I really feel for you)
  • No, I do not know someone in Lansing who can handle your sentencing.
  • No, I will not tell you if there is an effective way to beat a license revocation if you refused to take a breathalyzer.
  • No, I cannot get a restraining order for you. (As a former DV counselor, I will tell you to get one now, though, if you even suspect you need one!)
  • No, I do not know how to work things out with Sallie Mae. (trust me on this one!)
  • No, I cannot work things out with Financial Aid for you.
These, I cannot do.  I will get in trouble, and you will be poorly served by internet legal advice. There are always legal services organizations, special non-profits (such as fair housing centers, women's and children's shelters), pro bono attorneys, State Bar access to justice programs, attorneys with alternate fee agreements, bartering (depending on the state), and other ways to get quality legal advice, in-person, and accessible to you financially.
  • Lastly, for everyone who sends me emails/texts/IMs telling me about your love of the law, I do appreciate that. And, I do appreciate the enthusiasm for your dreams and ambitions. I am not trying to squelch those dreams, believe me, but there are some harsh realities based upon the follow-up questions/statements that invariably arise. Such as:
  • "I love the law. How do I become a lawyer?", " What's it like", "I'm thinking about going to law-school", etc. 
  • To that end, this 5 minute video will explain it far better than my failing words could ever convey.

via Wahoo Corner's brilliance.
"I do not like my BlackBerry..."

Sorry I had to lay that on the 80,000 of you who have not asked for legal advice; from a complete stranger (and a creepy one at that); who's demonstrable niches are sexual innuendo, raging leftism, far too many songs in his repertoire, and juvenile humor; all via a yahoo email account. (srsly?!)

That said, dick jokes to resume shortly. And, thank you for your patience (CYA, and all that).


* * *

* Proper version is as follows, in case there were any doubts that this is a professional site (hint: It's not). This web site contains general information, on occasion, for the general public. Nothing contained herein is intended as legal advice. You should neither act nor refrain from acting based on information obtained from this site. None of the information contained herein is privileged or confidential. The information contained herein is is not necessarily reflective of my personal opinions, nor those of my clients, co-counsel or firm. Finally, no form of electronic communication you send creates, or shall create, an attorney-client relationship. An attorney-client relationship must be via a written, signed agreement expressly creating the same. -EJE (<-- yes, I realize you can totally stalk me, but it's not like I'm hiding, or anything. Hell, I even put my picture up there.).


A Few Thoughts on the Value of Sexy Toys.

McDonalds. Xandria. Burger King. Adam and Eve. McRibs. Fleshlights.

What do these things have in common? If a sex toy shop in Huntsville, Alabama has its way, then they are all things that you will soon be able to shop for via a drive through pick-up window.

As WHNT Channel 19 reports:

Pleasures' proprietor Sherri Williams has found a new way to stimulate business. The new Pleasures location is already open, but starting on Saturday, the former bank building and its three lane drive-thru window will offer customers faster shopping from the privacy of their car, via a four-foot-tall lighted menu featuring a variety of adult toys, lubricants and stimulants.

 No, I didn't order the Enema Kit; just the Medium Ball Gag-to-go. Purple.

The story continues...

Drive-thrus are widely considered one of the greatest convenience revolutions of modern times, and aside from the occasional missing straw or ignored request for 'no pickles', there usually aren't any surprises.

But at the new Pleasures drive-thru, a little spontaneity will be exactly what the customer is looking for. Saturday, the teller bays of an old bank will be transformed in to Pleasures' new one-stop drive-thru romance shop, where customers can pull through, order what they want from a menu and have it delivered right to the teller drawer.

Now, I'm not sure about you, but "spontaneity" when picking out a toy isn't exactly what I had in mind. Latex can cause some serious reactions, for instance. And, not everyone is down with knobbed glass dildos. 

That said, I wholly endorse the concept, especially in puritanical places (e.g., damned near all of America), where people are discouraged from parking their cars and looking for the occasional vibrating cockring, or horse-tail butt plug.

"Ok, so the stainless steel Anubis doesn't really do it for me. 
But, what the hell, if you like it, let's give it a go."
--What everyone should say to their partner's respective kinks

As most of you remember (or could readily guess), I love sex shops, sex toys, and anything that promotes a spirited romp in the sack. Adore them, but for reasons which may surprise you. No, I do not enjoy them merely for the gloryholes. Rather, I think placing odd things in our respective orifices, or eating out of custom-monogrammed pet dishes, makes us a more open, honest society. It makes our relationships more healthy, promotes communication and certainly more fun (although, never underestimate the power of missionary done well).  And, when done right, sexual accessories can be damned beautiful, as well as erotic. (see my previous fascination with shibari).

 Seriously, people, elegant ropework accentuates the feminine form: It's not solely my kink, it's my abiding love of the beautiful. And this is beautiful.

Sometimes, you just want to feel a little dirty. There's nothing wrong with that.  So, go to your local purveyor of porn, and take your loved one along. Talk to one another, discover new things, openly discuss your sex lives and the joys of exploring one another's body.  Laugh, love, live, engage in  commerce to support your local small businesses. 

This sad spin on the carousel of woe is the only life we have. And our bodies are the only vehicle with which to enjoy it. Don't limit that life by artificial and arbitrary constraints, largely imposed by others, who would deny you the pleasure of a healthy, safe, sane sexual relationship.

* * *

For more posts RE: Sex toys, I recommend my confession that I wish I had a vagina to try out the OhMiBod iPod vibrator; the horror that is the Fleshlight; and the Japan collection of lolita, amputee, hentai, sleepy sex WTF -- there are many more, as well, if you're into frightening large dildos and mythical creature dongs :)


Wednesday dreamed about you...

And, by you, I mean Alien Sex Fiend. One of the legends. I never saw these guys live, and that is a shame. Anyway, enjoy this live rendition of "I walk the line", which, despite the title, is not a cover of Johnny Cash's song of the same. 

My suspicion is that the universe would fold in on itself like a microwaved souffle owing to the forces of awesome unleashed by a Johnny Cash/Alien Sex Fiend joint endeavor.


Let's see what Mr. Shadow has been up to, shall we...

Oh, nothing much on this end. Besides lawyerin' and being intimidated by incredibly beautiful human beings (of all genders, races, sizes, religions, ethnicity, creeds and various permutations theref), I've just been taking it easy...catching some sights, you know, like...

Watching the locals and haoles engage in meaningful cultural exchange:

This is non-fiction, clearly. Her hair is not frizzy enough from humidity.

* * *

Visiting Kiluea's gentle lava flows roll into the sea. Perfectly safe:

Pompeii? Why do you ask?

 * * *

Commune with the peaceful, idyllic wildlife:

 More legs than a spider, less than a roly-poly.

 * * *
Enjoying the locally-grown foods and cuisine:

 The goat enjoys this less than you'd imagine.

* * *

Going for relaxing drives across the gentle island hills:

 Fifteen thousand feet, in one hour (from sea-level), should be manageable by car.

* * *
Watching the tide swell in, as the sun sets over Keauhou Bay:

These gentle giants of the ocean are so misunderstood and wrongly feared.

In all seriousness; this is a great place. I love it, and love the gig. The people are great. The island is amazing. The fruit and vegetables and fish, as well as beef, pork and chicken, are always fresh and always from local producers. There is one helluva' sticker shock when grocery shopping, and paying your electric bill. But, for the benefits of being in America, yet not having any vibe remotely resembling the States, this the choice for ex-pats of all ages and hues. Sorry, Mainland, I'll come visit. But I'm here for life.





Irony, thy name is delicious...Grave Robbin' Edition

Understated. I like it.
I've always maintained that I love people like a twisted version of Doctor Who loves people: That is to say, that I am amazed by them. Not necessarily by their stories, their deeds, their actions, their histories -- although there is that -- but mainly by the creative and seemingly endless ways in which we commit a variety of fuck ups, failures and foibles. 
In a sense we are spooky toddlers blundering around the planet like children performing brain surgery.

Pictured (L to R): Dr. Pookums and her charge nurse preparing for a routine micro-ablation of Broca's Region.

That said, imagine my delight when I read this story from the Chengdu Evening News via China Daily Mail.

A grave-robbing villager in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province, surrendered to police on Friday after he killed a rival.
The fight was over who has the right to rob an ancient tomb.
Ye Guicai, 32, was a member of a gang that robbed a dozen graves. However, he recently learned about an ancient tomb near his house and when the gang tried to steal from it, Ye tried to claim it as his own.
However, the other members of the gang wanted to share the tomb's treasures and a fight broke out. During the fight, Ye used a knife to kill one of the other gang members.

This heart-warming tale of "WTF?" is brought to you by Rabid Seal (tm). When bats, badgers, dogs and raccoons just won't do for your rabies fix, try Rabid Seal (tm).

Seriously, you just can't make this shit up. Murdering one another over the right to unearth dead people's belongings. You know who approves of this? Loki, that's who; the only God that I see in daily life. Because, Loki knows, there is more than enough chaos, dickish irony, and black humor to go around.



Tuesday laments what Monday didn't finish

Christian Death's "Romeo in Distress"...

For those of you unfamiliar with this California band, allow me a few observations.
First, Christian Death all-but invented a sub-genre of music known as death rock.
Seconds, they should have never, ever broken up.
Third, you may be thinking "Man, this is a shitty mix" or that the guitars are overly high-pitched. You would be wrong.  This is how XD always sounded.



Welcome to the new Gothlaw

After weeks of work to export, save, migrate and then modify the site, it is finally complete. There are a few new things I'd like to point out first, before I begin re-posting in earnest. Let's begin shall we?

Sure Proust was a wordy bastard, but did he author a pointless blog? 
I think not. Suck it, Marcel!

In no particular order, here are the changes
  • A lot of new folks on the Blog Roll; among them are: the incomparable Stoya's Tumblr site, some new law links, greatly reduced idylls, some humorous and/or juvenile stuff, educational sites, some people I find interesting, new erotica (SFW and otherwise), and, really, anything else that struck my fancy.
  • But, my best find is Siouxsie Law (<-- Psst, over there). Another lawyer of a gothic bent. Needless to say, I was tickled. I knew I couldn't be the only one. So, let's say hail and well met to Siouxsie. I'm not sure if she does litigation and appellate law like me, but we're kind of a fucked up breed to begin with.
  • The look is a lot less polished, a lot more focused, a lot less cluttered, and -- hopefully -- more readable. After all, reading is the point of a blog, and a site design should make it easier and friendlier, not give you a migraine.
  • In the site redesign are some new things. The translation bar still appears, although it as the bottom of the page. To my international visitors, I say thanks again, and I hope that assists you. Some other elements have been removed and/or consolidated.
  • My profile has been updated.
  • I have also included a "popularity contest"; an-up-to-the-moment snapshot of the most popular pages for the current week (I dare say Hot Nerd Girls will feature prominently most of the time...there are about 2+ years worth to choose from).
  • There are new links within each post, for social sharing, as well as direct email functions.
There are some more minor things, as you'll discover. Anyway, take a look around, whistle by the graveyard, and feel free to comment on anything you wish. I'm a big boy, and I'm not easily offended!

If you want to reach me, I can always be reached at concave.scream@yahoo.com. You can also add me to your Y! or MSN Messenger using that same address.

Until tomorrow, pleasant dreams of soft rain humming into a quiet night.



Monday says let's see if we can get this joint jumpin'

Ahhhh, yeah. RATM's classic "Killing in the Name of." What better way to welcome back to the Nox-ospshere than with a classic, high energy, pissed off moment from one of the 90s best albums.

On a side note, I probably am not going to be able to update this 4-5 times a day as previously was the case. That's cool though. Consider it analogous to beer: I'll try to make it count, and give you quality not quantity