10.30.2009

The Japanese Amputee, Lolita, Sleepy Sex, Hentai sex toy catalog

Warning: This post gets progressively twisted; in fact, probably a bit disturbing even for me. Those easily freaked out should probably go look at these movies of puppies.


Look, a puppy!

If you've read this for a while, or have been foolish enough to browse the archives with what little time we have in the Western World, then you've discovered my love of the Japanese: Their sense of humor (faking an assassination, you know, just for fun), their random oddness, their wonderful culture. I just like and respect the nation, its history and its truly eccentric society. However, there is one facet of the Japanese modern culture which I love above all others: Their downright weird consumer culture...such as the lap pillow...




...and the "man thong"...


....and their game shows....

Today's featured consumer products are no exception. In fact, I don't think I could ever find A) a consumer catalog this odd, and B) anyone other than the Japanese that would even think of manufacturing (much less selling) this line of sex products....


(Cont'd after the jump, but fair warning, this catalog is absolutely twisted**).



Beginning with the amputee sex doll...


 Here is our basic model. Please note the anatomical attention we've given to the labia, without such worries as pubic hair. Also, we guarantee that all of our amputee lines are smooth and ready for your caress.


 

We know that nothing is hotter than a sleeping quad-amputee with EEE breasts, her mouth slightly parted and eyes shut tight...just waiting for you to give her "sweet dreams".



Unfortunately having sex with a sleeping amputee might be seen as exploitative, perhaps even rape for you nations with silly notions of "feminism". Therefore, we also sell amputee models that are "awake". Lingerie sold separately.



Do you have a hot amputee at the office? We understand that the busy salaryman or executive may not have the time, money or inclination it takes to cultivate a good mistress relationship with your buxom, bespectacled amputee secretary. That is why we are pleased to present the Good Employee model. Glasses included for Bukkake night or your Nerd Sex fantasies!




The best part of women, as we all know, resides from the neck-down. Heads only get in the way, especialliy when the object of your affection wants to do something inconvenient like speak (or, if she's foolish, cry for help). Likewise, limbs can flail about and otherwise get in the way. That's why we have the super plush, Groder*! BONUS: the Groder* model also comes in a variety of sizes, just like real women! All the kink you want, without the mess and unfortunate interaction with law enforcement and the legal system


 


Do you want more than a lover? Someone to take to dinner or that you can let meet your family? More like Seinen Manga or Hentai? No worries, we are pleased to present the Barely-Legal-Girl-Next-Door a/k/a The Babysitter model. This pert little amputee is good in public and better in the dark. The Babysitter is available in The Blushing Brunette, The Exploited Blonde and Pretty in Pink.


 


What about twins? Geisha? Lolitas? Again..we have your kinks covered. Please note that Japanese law prohibits the manufacture and/or sell of Sleeping Lolita Geisha twins who also just happen to be amputees. According to the Attorney General, in their letter to us, it involves something about "overt mysogny...human rights...and we have to draw the line somewhere". Call for pricing and "custom features"



If you order within the next 48 hours all of our products can be equpped with the "Shocker" face. But act now...this 4000 Yen value ends soon. Please specify "Shocker Special" when ordering.




*Groder is an American term for a grizzled lower class person, typically a truck driver, who finds himself in the unfortunate position of having to chop up the occasional prostitute.
** It should go without saying that the sum of the above posting is meremly dark satire, but I'll say it anyway. Der Schatten in no way encourages or condones the violence towards, or the exploitation of, minors, amputees, geisha, truck drivers or secretaries. However, feel free to chop up a prostitute or two (Applicable only in Missouri, where that activity is legal).
 

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