DHS was called five minutes after this picture was taken

The good thing, kids, is that you really don't remember all the ass kickings you really take growing up. Let's hope this is one of the ones you forget.

Okay, now THIS is clever :)

The Cyberman Call Center

Paging Mr. White Supremacist...

Can I get heavy starch, extra bleach on this?

David Duke, former Louisiana House Rep, Klan leader and domestic terrorist, recently traveled to the Czech Republic at the invite of some neo-Nazi groups, and while there got cold arrested. For denying the Holocaust.

Memo to Mr. Duke, in those parts of the world where the detentions, enslavement, torture and genocide actually occurred, it's generally a criminal act to deny that past for your own twisted ends that subvert the present and poison the future. Have fun with that.

Oooooh, I can't decide....

Sure, I'm a nerd. But you can call me Master.

I really need to work on my Nerd Girl fetish...

On second thought, nah. Sexy is brains and a hot pair of glasses.


Please, please let this happen...

Patriotic, Enviro-concious AND a fart joke. This is humor from heaven.

Please, dear god, let farts be our next alternative energy source. I am begging someone, anyone, to make this a reality.

Shaken Babies? Not Funny....

The iPhone "Baby Shaker" app? HILARIOUS. People need some damned perspective. If shaking your baby on the iPhone stops just one actual grown up tantrum that would otherwise be directed at children, the bring it on.

If you do a Google Image search for "Baby Shaker", this is on the first page of results. Needless to say, I approve.

Some Electric Six this fine morning...


I stand corrected: THIS may be the worst thing I've read....

What the holy hell? Is this what Iraqi Freedumb meant, Bush Style?

A prominent Iraqi human rights activist says that Iraqi militia have deployed a painful form of torture against homosexuals by closing their anuses using "Iranian gum.” … Yanar Mohammad told Alarabiya.net that, “Iraqi militias have deployed an unprecedented form of torture against homosexuals by using a very strong glue that will close their anus.”

According to her, the new substance 'is known as the American hum, which is an Iranian-manufactured glue that if applied to the skin, sticks to it and can only be removed by surgery. After they glue the anuses of homosexuals, they give them a drink that causes diarrhea. Since the anus is closed, the diarrhea causes death. Videos of this form of torture are being distributed on mobile cellphones in Iraq.' According to this human rights activist, for the past 3 weeks a crackdown on homosexuals has been going on based on a religious decree that demands their death; dozens have been targeted. She says that the persecution of homosexuals is not confined to the Shiite clerics. Some Sunni leaders have also declared the death penalty for sodomy on satellite channels."

Feeling militant kids...

God, I love this song.

And the lion fell in love with the lame....ummm, lamb.

The pitiful Twilight franchise, singularly responsible for dumbing down an entire generation of adolescent girls, would be much more interesting if it had this level of verisimilitude.


Today's Hot Nerd: Natalie Merchant

Have I mentioned lately that I really have a thing for curvy brunettes?

Yankee by birth, Southern by good-damned-tastes-and-sensibilities...Der Schatten proudly presents a dynamic woman that he has seen as a solo act in a dive, a solo act in an ampitheatre, as the front for a mega-star band in an ampitheatre, and as the front for an obscure band in a dive. Ladies and Gentleman the ALWAYS-SMOKIN' NATALIE MERCHANT!
So pretty, so odd.

Yes, I largely grew up in Tuscaloosa Alabama (Roll Tide. Wh00t1!1!). Anyway, we were blessed, being so close to Athens, Ga to see many fine acts, although, per Rolling Stone, we weren't too damned shabby for the music scene. When I was in H.S. and College and Grad School, I had the privilege to see Athens' fixtures: B-52s, Natalie Merchant, REM, 10000 Maniacs, and neo-grundgers like Gin Blossoms. It was FUCKING AWESOME. But, of all these (besides Mojo Nixon) my fave to see was Natalie.

After the baby she only grew hotter in my eyes...

Nerdentials? Top shelf. Like me, Ms. Merchant grew up without television. She was a musical savant at an early age, and was home-schooled for that purpose. A long-standing politico and vegggie, her versions of "sweet home alabama" never failed to bring down the house. I give her especial props for writing the FUCKING BRILLIANT tracks "Seven Years" for douchy-Michael Stipe, who never deserved her in any event, and "Beloved wife"...both of which, after all these years, will bring me to tears. Props Nat, Props.

No sex here, kids...just one of the best songs ever written.

Yom HaShoah

No snark, no pithy or bitchy comments. Today is Yom HaShoah. While I am not Jewish, not German, I am human, and I recognize the diminishment to us all when 3/4 of a people are systemically wiped from the face of the Earth, in some of the cruelest, degrading and inhuman ways possible; an act looked on with apathy by the West and goading silence by Others (notably the Catholic Church). Shalom.

I love the Japanese: The "Girlfriend's Lap" Pillow

By the same country that brought you the Boyfriend's Arm pillow, and the Spooning Pillow, I am proud to introduce the "Girlfriend's Lap Pillow"....

All of my friends can attest that I would not sleep on this pillow, being far too occupied in determining what's up the skirt.

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I suppose in Japan, where feminism hasn't hit yet: A) All the women are furniture, B) they must contort themselves in uncomfortable positions while the man sleeps, C) they all have phenomenal legs that smell strangely of polyurethane. I just don't know...this one seems a little too weird, even for me. Thus, while the Spooning Pillow gets high marks, this one affirms that....

Yes, we are still Rick Hunt's bitch.

This NEVER grows old either...

Tommy Seebach's rousing "Apache". Behold the molestache, the Swedish Apache maids, the cheesy synth lines, the "ahhahahahahahaaaaa", the perm-mullet, those sexy moves, the white overbite, and the smile...dear god, the smile.

Warning: Goes best with the hallucinogen of your choice.

I like a good massage now and again, but this...

Spiritual Massage anyone?

This, is not my cup of tea

"A Salinas priest is accused of giving a boy beer, brandy and "spiritual massages" starting when the victim was a 14-year-old, prosecutors said in court Monday...Prosecutors said they think there are more victims. They said Cortes had several photos of young boys partially nude on his cell phone when he was arrested."

Dirty confession: Rock Me Amadeus will never, ever grow old

Eternally rockin' it to Falco

God, I don't want to give this props...

Who says that Big Pharma advertising has to be costly to be effective.

But, I have to...And, this is in no way creepy like that damned Lunesta butterfly. If I saw that thing in my room, I'd never sleep again.


Get better big guy

Consider ourselves fortunate to live in an age when a man this brilliant can engage average people and make quantum physics hip.

You know truly stands on the shoulders of no giants, despite what he may claim...Stephen friggin' Hawking. However, he has been hospitalized per the Cambridge University spokesperson

"Professor Hawking is very ill," said Gregory Hayman, the university's head of communications. "He is undergoing tests. He has been unwell for a couple of weeks."

Again, God Wears Houndstooth

Today's dirty confession: the Journey box set

Yes, I own this, and yet my sexuality remains surprisingly unthreatened.

Sometimes you just want to rock out with cheesy synths, tight jeans, bad hair and airbrushed tees. For those times, nothing gets my inner child of the 80s cranking like the Journey box set. I alternate between whether I am proud of this or deeply ashamed. However, if singing along to "Faithfully" is wrong, then brother, I don't want to be right.

Justin Timberlake must have dainty hands...

No particular reason for a rubber fist being on this page...none at all.

WTF. Watch this video (or skip through to about2:58) and watch what Mr. Timberlake does in the uncensored version of "Bringing Sexy Back"...Needless to say Justin is a very very naughty boy. For those unaccustomed to some of the more, um, fringe elements of human sexual behavior, let's just say, he makes the universal, non-verbal symbol for a naughty activity. God bless him.

h/t, as ever to Monkey, who apparently has far more time than I do.

This is some sorry shit...

Who hijacks Canadians...in Jamaica? With a demand to go to Cuba? This is a very confused person.


Everyone except Obama is soft on Pirates

The flying spaghetti monster, although a Dem, is disappointed by this chart.

H/T to Doug over at Hey Jenny Slater...but, the long and short of it is, everyone, EVER, is soft against piracy, except Obama...Take that rethugs.

Do yourself a favor, and go to the Animal Review...now!

The thing is, when you make a species-level decision to go down the herbivore road, you simultaneously choose to broadcast your status as a victim. You are, in essence, putting up a giant billboard in the hunting grounds of carnivorous predators that says in a bold sans-serif font: ‘We eat plants so you don’t have to. Try a herbivore tonight!’

Now, minions, now. This is clearly one of the wittiest, most intelligent and most humorous blogs going. Good news is, he just got a book deal :) That aside, this piece on the porcupine is piss-your-pants funny.

Today's Dirty Confession: Jesus, I love Blutengel.

Did I mention that I approve of the implicit girl-on-girl action in this picture?

Cheesy they may be (not Twilight cheesy, but, then, what is?) nevertheless are still hella' sexy. Great music, pretty people and HOLY SHIT ridiculous lyrics. Dance Party in West O baby! Wh00t11

Today's Hot Nerd: Anna Netrebko

Lucky bastard

Remember that whole bit about being done with white girls? I lied. This is the perfect face. Sorry Katherine Zeta-Jones

With all apologies to Melora Craeger, this may be the fucking sexiest picture ever.

I told you, God wears Houndstooth

Watch this now...

Yes, Shadow, this is your life....

Would someone please tell this man to STFU

So, because McCain was brutalized for five years and cracked under pressure that means we should torture? Is there oxygen on Rush's planet, or just methane from his own bullshit?

Please, just kill yourself now

Ms. Huckaby, I hope that when you shuffle off this mortal coil, leaving the world no worse for your absence, that it is as painful and protracted and violent as possible.

This is as fucking horrific a story as it comes, 28 year old divorcee and nutjob Melissa Huckaby, kidnapped and forcibly raped an 8 y.o. girl...her daughter's playmate. Then, after the brutal violation with a foreign object, Huckaby killed the little girl, Sandra Cantu. Shit like this makes it really really hard to remain opposed to capital punishment, eh? Horrific. This bitch needs to check out. Might I suggest swallowing some razors? a .44 into the soft pallette and through the diseased corridor called your mind?

The Celts believe that little children go to a special garden where they play under groves of trees, drink sweet milk and are loved forever. That's a nice dream...I kind of wish it were true.

In today's Irony alert

Yesterday, a group of about 70-ish white nationalist fuckknuckles hosted an anti-immigration rally in St. Louis, chanting "Immigrant go home" and "seig heil". Where to start? The fact that the off-spring of immigrants were chanting "immigrants go home"? Perhaps the fact that as these blustering fuckos were chanting "USA USA", they were also giving praise to a foreign leader? in a FOREIGN LANGUAGE?
Sitting Bull approves of the Nazis anti-immigration stance and invites them to immediately take actions according to their rhetoric and just go home.