12.23.2009

Wednesday bids you Happy Trails


Kiddo is in town this week. Probably not much going up until the 2nd, when all of my guests leave. Until then, happy trails, and stay warm.

12.22.2009

Tuesday wants to die, die my darling...


Not really; just I really wanted to play some Misfits. Out of town today, heading to KC, more tomorrow. Enjoy.

12.21.2009

Yankee cities not to die in: New York

Earlier this month, I brought you the heart-warming story of world class assholes in the world class hellhole known as Philly. To summarize, a beloved community music teacher was left dying of a heart attack for over an hour in the waiting room of an ER. While he was waiting, some of Philly's finest robbed him of his watch...and no one stopped them.




To summarize: Philly is full of assholes.
No shit, this pic come via PhillyRealty.com




Today's tale is one full of that Christmas spirit, from the City that originally brought you self-absorbed humorless douchebags and an  exaggerated sense of their own importance. New York.






Fuck 'em...



Of the many cities on my shitlist (Philly, Chicago, Milwaukee, etc), New York is unique in that it also lands on the literal shitlist. Everything about this Yankee cesspool revolts me: its exaggerated importance, its attitude towards the rest of the state and nation, its insularity, Wall Street, fashionista douchebags, Seinfeld, the East River, pigeons, Manhattan, that lying ass Statue of Liberty, that paeon to cheap labor in Ellis Island, Rudy Guiliani, the fact that every writer for shitty television focuses on LA (or, more likely, NY), its residents, East Coast hip hop, that harsh Yankee accent, Good Morning America/CBS Morning/the Today Show, the phrase "youse guys", the damned Guido culture...and motherfuck Snoopy and the Macys Parade.





New York brought you Andrew "Dice" Clay...I rest my case







But, of the many, many reasons to bag on the "Big Apple", by far the worst aspect are the fucking assholes that live here. Simply stated, there are 10 million cocksuckers who think they are God's gift; they shit on everyone around them; are imperious asshats; they epitomize rudeness and callousness; they are callow and shallow; and, they have a diminished understanding about the worth of human life...Today's story is an exemplar of the New York mentality....




The only thing worth a shit to ever come out of New York...



A pregnant Brooklyn woman suffering a fatal seizure in a coffee shop in the shadow of FDNY Headquarters was ignored by two callous city medics who continued to buy their breakfast, eyewitnesses told The Post. "The EMTs just said we had to call 911. They got their bagels and left," said a disgusted worker.
People were calling out saying, 'She's turning blue! She's pregnant!' " said the witness.
But the EMTs appeared unfazed.
"I remember them saying they couldn't do anything because they were on their break," another worker said.



Fuck you, I'm on my coffee break...





Ironically, the EMS emergency dispatch center that fields 911 calls is located in the same building as Au Bon Pain -- just floors above where Rennix collapsed. And the FDNY headquarters is about 600 feet away within the same Metrotech complex. In fact, the coffee shop is regularly filled with FDNY and EMS personnel and top brass.

Bad, bad move by the KKK


When keeping it real goes wrong....


The KKK, founded by ex-Confederates (and sympathizers) in Ohio to stymie Reconstruction, was a scourge of free blacks, Catholics, Jews, immigrants, and any other group not fitting in with its White, Christian doctrine. Until the 30s, the Klan was a serious social force in areas with predominately white populations and those areas undergoing social upheaval (i.e., everywhere in America). Now, they are cartoonish parodies of a darker time in U.S. history.

They just don't know it yet.

Enter a group of knuckleheaded Klucksters down in Texas. Apparently, having run out of blacks, Catholics, Jews, Mexicans and others to harass, they heard about a group of pagans to harass. This particular group, however, were not the earth-muffin flakes of Gardnerian neo-Wicca, they were...ummm...Asatru.



For the uninitiated, Asatru is the Germanic and Norse worship of figures such as Odin. You know him as Corpse Ripper, Grim, Glad of War, and by a host of other peace-n-love names.


Seems there was a group of Ku Klux Klansmen in Texas who heard that some Pagans were holding a ritual out in the woods somewhere. Having run out of other minorities to harass, they decided to get backto their roots and practice some religious bigotry in addition to the usual racial intolerance and break up the party with a good ol' cross-burning.

So anyway, these fellows loaded up some lumber and a couple of cans of gasoline and went out hunting for these Pagans they'd heard about, hoping to catch them dancing naked around a fire or something.







Well, that is a fire...of sorts.






They found the spot where the other vehicles were parked and donned their hoods. Grabbing the lumber and gasoline, they assembled a cross and strode off into the woods, confident that they'd scare any remaining pants off the fluffybunny Pagans.

They were a little disconcerted to find themselves looking at the business end of at least 2 spears, a couple of swords, and several assorted knives. They'd crashed an Asatru blot and didn't realize that not all Pagans are pacifists.




Before the NAACP or B'Nai B'rith, shield walls and berzerkers enforced civil rights...
 
 
 

The punchline of the day, according to Becca, was this gem "From somewhere behind the hardware, a voice called out "If that cross goes up, you're getting nailed to it.."




Here's a hint; don't even think about harassing the heavily-armed descendents of a culture who exulted in warfare and considered the slaying of an enemy to be a religious act and cultural obligation.








Sarah Palin Climate Change Translator....


You couldn't make this woman up in a satire...it wouldn't be realistic.


Of the idiocies of Sarah Palin, there is no end. Here is her latest Twitter feed: 100% incomprehensible

"Copenhgen=arrogance of man2think we can change nature's ways.MUST b good stewards of God's earth,but arrogant&naive2say man overpwers nature"


This is the shorthand Christian Dominionist belief that humans can't change climate. Then she continues....

"Earth saw clmate chnge4 ions;will cont 2 c chnges.R duty2responsbly devlop resorces4humankind/not pollute&destroy;but cant alter naturl chng"



Same schtick, only less comprehensible....



I know it's hard to believe, but this woman flunked out of college...
 

However, contrast her creepy Christian nihilism, and doctrines of destruction, with what she said on the campaign trail....

Here in Alaska, the only Arctic state in our union, of course, we see the effects of climate change more so than any other area with ice pack melting. Regardless though of the reason for climate change, whether it's entirely, wholly caused by man's activities or is part of the cyclical nature of our planet, the warming and the cooling trends, regardless of that, John McCain and I agree that we've got to do something about it and we have to make sure that we're doing all we can to cut down on pollution.


So, how do we put it all together? Is there a viable translation? What does Palin really stand for?




PUDDING!!!




The Wytches wish you a happy Solstice


Darkest day of the year, when the sun barely peeks out of the slate gray sky. The good new is, it can only get sunnier from here on out.

12.20.2009

Deep into the 12 days of Christmas...

it's the last day of Hannukah, and who the hell knows about Kwanzaa. In any event, we're in the stretch run. It just seems like yesterday since we were down with the Pumpkin King....


Halloween is in your heart.


Lyrics go now:
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn´t you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see
This, our town of Halloween
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It´s our town, everybody screm
In this town of Halloween
I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under yours stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
In this town, don´t we love it now?
Everybody´s waiting for the next surprise
Round that corner, man hiding in the trash cam
Something´s waiting no to pounce, and how you´ll...
Scream! This is Halloween
Red ´n´ black, slimy green
Aren´t you scared?
Well, that´s just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with the moon in the dead of night
Everybody scream, everbody scream
In our town of Halloween!
I am the clown with the tear-away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace
I am the "who" when you call, "Who´s there?"
I am the wind blowing through your hair
I am the shadow on the moon at night
Filling your dreams to the brim with fright
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!
Tender lumplings everywhere
Life´s no fun without a good scare
That´s our job, but we´re not mean
In our town of Halloween
In this town
Don´t we love it now?
Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back
And scream like a banshee
Make you jump out of your skin
This is Halloween, everyone scream
Wont´ ya please make way for a very special guy
Our man jack is King of the Pumpkin patch
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la....Guii!!