The good folks at Reno 911 invite you to drive with weed instead of getting in your car and killing a group of special ed students headed to Mount Rushmore. Be safe this weekend kids.
To the tune of Yesterday...I'll admit it, I got a little weepy
Thus, imagine my surprise when I found this in my inbox....
Actually, "Mike", when lawyers think of "derive", we naturally think of derivative markets, and how best to short sell them, so as to further our own lucre while inadvertently destroying the economy. Moreover, if you showed this shirt to a group of lawyers, it would be a toss-up as to what they noticed first: boobs or "drink"...."derive" would be a distant third. *
In any event, a shout out to "Mike" for this gem.
*The preceding paragraph was brought to you by sarcasm and/or self-loathing...it's not just for breakfast anymore.
From Roll Bama Roll....
Sherry Parker Zangas [the author] graduated from Auburn but she gets a massive pass for not only having the good sense to retain her fandom for Bama football but also for penning a children's book about it.
The Brewton, Ala. native who now lives in Louisiana authored "A is for Alabama Roll Tide Roll" as a way to teach kids the alphabet while educating them on the basics of the University of Alabama and Crimson Tide football.
That, my friends, is a true educational mission...Al Qaeda has nothing on SEC football allegiances and re/education. Nothin'.
Naturally, my curiosity had been piqued, so I scrolled to the page to see if there was another view of this item...Oh, boy, was there. This post will not all dozen or so photos justice, but let's just say I was highly intrigued by the flash of panties....
And, the "wet rump" soft core porn....
The end analysis is whether this overt sexuality for a black men's shirt was effective. Yes, it was, sad to say. I clicked "Buy this Item" without looking at the price, the condition, or even the fact that the shirt had banded, Chinese collars instead of point collars. I had to cancel my order. Thus we have learned once again that sex sells, and that men are pretty damned shallow and/or easily distracted by skin.
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.
C'mon, you gotta' admit for early-80s synth-pop, this is damned wicked track. Has some overtones of Bauhus and, to a lesser extent, Christian Death.
"We have to do Tim justice," Meyer said. "If it's going to help him, we owe it to him to do it. At the end of the day, Tim is going to be a very good NFL player. If he goes to the right team and a well-coached team, he's going to be a very productive player for a very long time."
This "justice" is putting Man Child under center, helping him with his reads and improving his lateral accuracy. I have no doubt that he can do it, and -for this one time only- wish Tebow and Meyer the best.
Rutherford B. Hayes:
The Good: Surprisingly a man of erudite liberalism for his day. Permitted female lawyers to serve as solicitors before the U.S. Supreme Court; vetoed legislation on numerous occasions which would have gutted post-Civil War civil rights enforcements; expanded trade throughout Central and South American treaties; attempted the first Panama Canal
The Bad: And, boy, was it ever. Set the tone for a disputed election that had to be settled through the "Compromise" of 1877, and, in retrospect really biffed it by only serving one term. By all accounts was a decent, good man and President. Famous for "He serves his Party best who serves his Nation best", if that's any indication of his moral fiber.
Chester A. Arthur:
The Good: The "father of civil service reform", he was staunchly anti-croney, which was odd considering his entire precedent career had been at the teat of special interests; staunchly independent-minded; kick-ass whiskers and a dye-hard Fenian.
The Bad: Let Standard Oil run abso-frickin-lutely rampant; despite his reputation as an independent, absolutely gutted the honest careerists installed in the executive by Grover Cleveland; elitist; Supreme Court picks were duds.
James A. Garfield:
The Good: Not much to report since he only was in office for four months before getting shot. But his is a Trival Pursuit answer, I'm sure...he was the only sitting member of the House of Representatives to be elected the Chief Executive.
The Bad: Ummm, getting shot after innauguration and lingering in a coma would qualify, I'd guess.
The Good: Really did attempt to curb the Robber Baron era; passed some serious, heavy duty legislation- The Sherman Anti-Trust Act and the McKinley Tariff; spent serious money on the country (first time the budget hit $1 billion)
The Bad: Was the original waffler of his day; fierce ideologue; a true tax-and-spend-and-tax some more kinda' guy; depleted the nation's gold supply with the Silver initiatives urged by his treasury.
The drum solo in "Angel of Death" crushes Mr. T's balls.
Sorry, Chief Justice, but you're not jjust an umpire. Someone had to call bullshit. Enter Jeffry Toobin, author of "The Nine", respected Constitutionalist and law professor had these dismaying comments about the Chief's tenure thus far
“His jurisprudence as Chief Justice, Roberts said, would be characterized by ‘modesty and humility.’ After four years on the Court, however, Roberts’s record is not that of a humble moderate but, rather, that of a doctrinaire conservative. The kind of humility that Roberts favors reflects a view that the Court should almost always defer to the existing power relationships in society. In every major case since he became the nation’s seventeenth Chief Justice, Roberts has sided with the prosecution over the defendant, the state over the condemned, the executive branch over the legislative, and the corporate defendant over the individual plaintiff.”
Despite this, Toobin misses -to me- the biggest defeat of all...the Roberts' Court striking down voluntary desegregation measures of very segregated schools, while (in an Orwellian torturing of the language) calling the decision "color blind". It's not, it wasn't and he isn't. With all due respect Chief Judge Roberts, please go fuck yourself.
*This message was brought to you by NAFTA
No particular reason I'm excited about August 7th.
1. It is my birthday. And, my birthdays are notorious bacchanalia. Feasting, fucking, fighting...'tis the Nordic ideal, and, while not Nordic, I wholly endorse the same.
2. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra comes out. Wh00t! Wh00t!
3. Related to #2 above, and to bring this wonderful occasion full circle, Christopher Eccleston, who played the manic Ninth Doctor in BBC's Doctor Who, also plays the role of Destro; the true power behind the Cobra throne. Now, follow along with the equation:
The Dropkick Murphys, laddies and lasses...I would totally have these guys backs in a bar fight. In fact, I can think of few folks I'd rather share a pint and some chicks with, for that matter.
Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Poison
Joey, Concrete Blonde
Walk Like A Zombie, Horrorpops
All I Want to do is Make Love to You, Heart
Come on Feel The Noise, Quiet Riot
Meet Matt Smith, who from outwards appearances seems to be, a 26 y.o. emo guy. This cannot be an easy role to step into. But, as much pressure as it is on him, I selfishly hope that he doesn't fuck this up.