Faked? Who gives a shit!

Reminds me of my very dear friend in law school (the one who failed the classes owing to his WoW addiction). Irrespective of that fact, I give not one shit if this is faked. It is the funniest thing I've seen in a long while.

Reasons I don't think it's faked.
1. Those bad boxers.
2. The unmanly shrieks and pig noises
3. The fact that even FAKING this video means he will never, ever get laid, until he goes to college
4. His brother, who rocks, BTW. Only an older brother (myself included) would take such glee at this misery, and THEN post his bro's Myspace profile online
5. The remote. Dear God, the remote.
6. The fear of god when his dad tells him to STFU.
7. Totality of the circumstances :)


System of a Down Syndrome...

I think, and have always maintained, that an essential question women should ask of prospective partners is the following:

Do you like, listen to, jam out with, or own anything by a nu-metal band? Egregious offenses include Coal Chamber, the Disturbed, any Korn album past 1997, anything by Slipknot, and...most importantly...SYSTEM OF A DOWN.

Is there a difference between this....



Trick question! Of course there is, and the answer is "gender".

This important message brought to you by musicians against anti-music.


That seems about right...

Ever wonder why Americans are dumb?

Damn you iPods and cellphones for displacing books. More folks in law school walked around with these things in hand instead of texts or notes or stacks...
Sigh, myself included.


Saturday has found the perfect Goodbye

müzik -  anathema - one last goodbye | izlesene.com
Disingenuous, really, to call it a "discovery", since this has been one of my favorite songs for about 7-8 years. Anathema, part of the early British "Peaceville" collection with "My Dying Bride", set the tone for about two decades of first, doom-death, then goth-doom, then just plain acoustic wonderfulness. Anathema was never as heavy as the latter, but -Damn- can they emote.
This track, One Last Goodbye, is about as close to wholly depressive perfection as you will ever find .

Lyrics go now:



Having a daughter, I deeply worry about these sorts of things...

Creepers? Predators? Online stalkers? Pedophiles? Perverts? Congressmen?


Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fghtan!

January 21st, 2010: The Day Democracy Died

The news has couched this in terms of "campaign finance", but yesterday's ruling by the Supreme Court was, without any hyperbole, more devastating to the American system of governance than any in recent memory. In essence, the Supreme Court held that corporations could make direct contributions, of any amount, to politicians and political causes. And, there's a punch line, because of the myth of a corporation as a human beings (within the meaning of the 14th Amendment) any governmental attempts to cap, regulate or oversee these contributions was a direct and unconstitutional abridgement of free speech.

This disregards wholly that money is not speech, that a corporation is not a natural natural person (no matter how much the Robber Baron courts of the 1880s wanted it to be), that this opens the trough to every politician to practically be bought and paid for, that this ends the era of publicly-financed and equitable election, and that the interests of the very very few will soon outbid the will of the people.

We all lose in this folks. And, while I'm as pissed off at the Obama administration as I've ever been, he nailed it in the press release yesterday:

With its ruling today, the Supreme Court has given a green light to a new stampede of special interest money in our politics. It is a major victory for big oil, Wall Street banks, health insurance companies and the other powerful interests that marshal their power every day in Washington to drown out the voices of everyday Americans. This ruling gives the special interests and their lobbyists even more power in Washington--while undermining the influence of average Americans who make small contributions to support their preferred candidates. That's why I am instructing my Administration to get to work immediately with Congress on this issue. We are going to talk with bipartisan Congressional leaders to develop a forceful response to this decision. The public interest requires nothing less.

No clever pictures here, no witticisms, no smart-ass comments, just a question for you. Do you think that your neighbors will ever be able  to outspend Exxon-Mobil to decide whether to clean up your beaches? Can you raise up enough scratch to fund a candidate who, unlike Dow and ADM, believes that dumping millions of tons of chemicals in the air is bad news? Do you have the wallet that can match Wal Mart when a referendum on worker safety, worker conditions and overtime comes before Congress? Do you have the greenbacks to outbid Aetna or BCBS when health care comes before a vote?

We are all losers. And there is a term for a centralized industrial-governmental-business entanglement...it's called, again without hyperbole, fascism. And, if you don't like that term, fuck you, and take it up with Webster's.


Redneckery and Rifles...

A while back, I detailed the abject redneckery of my least favorite state (Missouri), and of our hick neighbors in the Great White North. Now, let's talk about a new topic: Good ole' American shitkickers who are armed and think that guns are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Your humble author, in Chilicothe, Missouri; the actual home of sliced bread.

I'm not going to be a snob here about firearms* per se, the Second Amendment intimates (and the Heller decision make clear) that the right to bear arms is an individual right. And, given the Framer's intent, I think that's true: An unarmed population is more subject to tyranny and governmental control.


 Read the opinion again, bitches...I'm totally strapped.**

However, I think the greater problem lies with those who treat their weapons as children or lovers, as if we're a bunch of modern ronin, reeking of gun oil...

Seems as though I spoke too soon; perhaps some cretins do view their .12 gauge on par with their breast-feeding miscreant. This should be the fucking poster for some Montana White Resistance organization. BTW: Eddie Eagle would go fucking nuts over this picture; if not for the cavalier handling of the shotgun, then because the NRA just got them a brand-spanking new lifetime member. Voila...

If you've got five minutes, your life will be altered forever...

 We're not done yet. Besides keeping the streetsweeper above on par with a suckling babe, some enterprising 'necks have decided that, hell, let's just put our rifles in our family portraits and seal the deal.

What's better here? The parakeet or the bayonet (looks like an M4 carbine). In either event, there's no way in hell you could walk down to Olin Mills (or, in this case, K-Mart), and have this picture taken anymore. Just one more reason I miss the '80s.

We've seen people glorifying their family, but what about those mini-militias throughout the trailers of the flyover who want to share with your family. Well, god bless Idaho...they've got you covered.

Idaho Honky Justice indeed. If Santa doesn't buy the farm from the spring-loaded claymore at the front door, Dwayne here will take him out with his semi-auto shotgun.
BTW: Your Christmas tree sucks.

Literally, you could go on like this for days. Suffice it to say, just because one has a right to own a firearm, doesn't in all cases indicate that they should actually possess one. And, our 308,000,000 citizens collectively own enough firearms for every man, woman and child to all get in on the action.***

Exhibit A.
Sleep tight. 

* Hell, how could I be...I got my first gun at age 8, and by that age helping with subsistence hunting when we were living on the Rez.

**  I know, she was in the 4-member minority in Heller. Still, it's pretty funny.

*** Der Schatten formerly owned three pistols, three shotguns, and a high powered rifle, and was a former member of the NRA, and served a brief stint in the military, and was a pretty fucking good marksman. Now, that should scare the hell out of you.


Friday is glad this week has reached its end

 I can't in good conscience actually show the Doors; but I do love this song, and Apocalypse Now/Heart of Darkness are brilliant. 
Anyway, thank the gods this long, bizarre week has run its course and reached its end. In retrospect, reading these lyrics, I realize why I don't do acid anymore either...

Lyrics go now:

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is callin' us
The blue bus is callin' us
Driver, where you taken' us
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...WAAAAAA
C'mon baby,--------- No "take a chance with us"
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
C'mon, yeah
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end



Sometimes, you just gotta' take chances...

And that, certainly, is what it seems like I'm embarking upon. Two months out, and I'm trying to decide where to head. My heart is in the South, but my opportunity is in the Islands.  So, I'm keeping my eyes, and my options, open. Nevertheless, there is a very big plunge that needs to be taken, and be taken soon.

Either way, we're gonna' find out if this Icarus has wings that can withstand the sun.

Fuck it...sometimes you gotta' leap to know if you can fly.

Seems legit indeed.

Updating the BlogRoll

Four new additions today, and all three are worth your time, they are linked below, and will, hereafter, be available to the left under various categories.

DirtyAngels, is a site with, largely, safe for work erotica of a dark nature. The models and photography are first rate, and, my current (and probably all-time) favorite, Liama is one lady definitely worth looking at. This is dark erotica at its finest, and truly an aesthetic pleasure.

Hear The World, is an endeavor by Nico to sample, and then share, all of the beautiful music from around the world; things that you might not otherwise be exposed to. Not a simple "indier-than-thou, blog, it's thoughtful and will open your eyes and ears to the creative efforts of musicians around the world.

For fans of concerts, reviews and rare releases of giants in the gothic music industry, this relatively new site, Dark Circle Room, is a must visit. No thievery or file sharing here, but a wealth of resources and referral site. Brilliant.

Looking for the lyrics to an Avenged Sevenfold song? How about old Skinny Puppy? Perhaps you like electronica and wonder what Blutengel is up to. Dark Lyrics has you covered. Great alphabetized interface and search features to boot.


Well, that certainly didn't take very long...

Saw this YouTube over at RollBamaRoll, it will apparently be our new intro for the upcoming 2010 season. Note that the Rose Bowl national championship highlights, which were just two weeks ago, already feature prominently. Damn, just 8 more months of this immoral waiting....

Love the elephants, fear the elephants.


80s Childhood Fantasies, Part the Second

Last week, I detailed my love of ladies from Charles in Charge, the Dukes of Hazzard, Wonder Woman, and various other bad viewing. Today, I take a look at the girls who were closer to my age, whom I lusted after with equal zeal, only in a sorta' more realistic way:

Dana Plato: Diff'rent Strokes

She was my number one love and lust through childhood, combining equal parts devil and sultry (for a 14 year old, in any event), as well as any and ever bad 80s meme that came down the pipe: perms, overalls, Swatches, friendship bracelets, acid-washed skinny jeans. No one else on my list was a purer child of the 80s.

How I will always remember Dana; Audrey Hepburn eyes, angelic face...and bad hair...

 When you're 12, the whole teen-prostitute, roller-derby queen bit was fun to look at as well....

Dana grew up, became a super hottie, appeared in Playboy, and, sadly, after two decades of drug addiction and arrests, passed away in 1999. Requiem Aeternum, Dana.

Alyssa Milano: Who's the Boss

Alyssa requires no introduction, being one of the most devilishly sexy women currently alive; however, there were signs that this could happen, even when she was 14, and having her career stymied by Tony-freaking-Danza.

Yea, pretty much makes the surface of the sun feel like Fargo by comparison...

And, like Dana, she screamed "pure sin" to this preteen heart....only she had none of  Plato's "girl next door" thing going for her. Rather, she was a dynamo waiting to mature, or so I thought...


 You know what? My instincts on this one were so very, very good. For those seeking something a bit more prurient, there are enough NSFW photos to suffice it to say the 37 year old has taken her clothes off...a lot. (God bless her).

Nancy McKeon: "Jo" from Facts of Life

I do love the brunettes, and I do adore some cute tomboys, the character of Jo was seemingly the only one with any depth or humanity on that show...and, she was always in the background of Mindy or Tooty or the god-forsaken ditzy blonde. Of all my fantasies, this would have been the one I would have most liked to go have a beer with, and just chill...

Here she is today, a very elegant, still-striking, and very much a put-together, attractive woman. Instincts win again...You could see yourself marrying this one...

Sporting equipment, fixing motorcycles, suckerpunching Blair...was there anything she couldn't do? And, look at that smile. Dazzling. Of course, being a prepubescent hornball, I was very much interested in what she would look like without clothing, or scantily clad....

While that never happened, we did get the pleasure of watching the cute, but-awkward tomboy blossom into one very attractive young ladt. Thanks Jo!


Thursday's found an exit...

Too bad it's the "Last Exit for the Lost". Originating in the heyday of Britain's Gothic Rock, Fields of the Nephilim, are still active, writing, recording, touring, and being as kick-ass as they ever were. This track is one of there more emotive, largely eschewing to latter years' style which included techno/industrial and metal elements.

Lyrics go now*:

By the way, if you ever want to find the lyrics to just about any cool song, I highly recommend DarkLyrics.com, in fact, I probably want to just add them to the blog roll. -DS




The beer diet's always worked for me...

Don't see the harm in at least trying it, do you?


Happy Birthday, E.A. Poe

Yea, pretty much a psychotic bundled in nutso sack of neuroses...but brilliant.

Today marks the 201st birthday of Edgar Allen Poe, Victorian writer of gothic tales of suspense, horror, a poet and -most importantly- the creator of the mystery novelEveryone knows of his well-documented neuroses, his addiction to various substances, and the mysterious (still unknown) manner of his death.

Marrying your 13 year old, first cousin...pretty hot...In Missouri.

Crazy he may be, but he's also one of our own; a literary giant that -while not completely distanced from mother England, did enough to all-but create an essential American noir style of writing, even if he wasn't necessarily the definitive American Author.

Definitive American author, that's me dammit...

But, the truly sad news today is that -for the first time in 60 years, the mysterious visitor to Poe's grave did not come. While the original man died in 1998, his sons were apparently keeping up the tradition of spiriting into the Baltimore lichyard and leaving gifts of cognac and roses. That did not happen, and the world is a poorer place for it. Guess we'll have to start a new tradition next year, then, eh?

Somewhere, a teenager with a Bauhaus album and a dog-eared copy of "The Raven" vowed that this shit won't ever, ever happen again....

horizontal space Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.



Today's Hot Nerds: Nerd Dumpster 2

These are largely cosplay geeks, but it doesn't make them any less attractive (although, I am on record as saying cosplay is just a little too weird for my tastes).

Meet the ladies of the Stormtrooper Burlesque, at a bordello in London...every fan boi's dream right here...BTW: Those are fabulous boots.


This one is hands down the winner...the Stormtroopers are infinitely hotter in white...again, notice the awesome boots...


Everyone loves "Zelda"...some more than others...


This is pretty hot...Zombie ladies of Disney. I can promise you that when "Alice" comes out in March, the creepers will come out of the woodshed. Not that I object, Through the Looking Glass practically screams for some Cosplay and/or Tim Burton action


So, so true...fortunately enough for us, she was also smart enough to do one mildly naughty shot too....Probably NSFW, but if interested, keep on a'scrolling....

Yep, hot and smart...all you really want of out of life. However, please note the human version of the warning symbol akin to a snake's rattle, a/k/a the diamond. Taken.



Wednesday finally got around to the Granddaddy of them all....

Enjoy the magnificence of these sweet memories. Hard to believe it was was less than two weeks ago...I need to dust off the DVR and watch this puppy again.

Nerd Dumspter 2 coming in about 45 mins.



Today's Hot Nerd: Nerd Dumpster

Nerd Dumpster. Sorta like German Goo Girls (seriously, don't click this unless spoog porn is ok with your boss/university/middle school). But unlike the previous link (which is -holy shit, NSFW) these are merely tasteful (and tasty) nerdy/dorky girls that ring Der Schatten's bell.

Cosplay has always seemed a little weird to me, which is odd since I am devoted fetishist and Shibari fan. On the other hand...I do like Halo....

 Behold the complete Perl script on this lass's heart-shaped buttocks....If I were a bigger dork, I could tell you what it said. Alas, I was a philosophy major, limiting my career options to barista or lawyer.

A buddy of mine from law school was enthralled by World of Warcraft: so much so that he failed three classes (unheard of)...I think I understand why now...

 I give up Warcraft; you win. If everyone is this smoking hot and inked up, then I'll go get my account tomorrow.

Mr. T, and his Mohawk grenade, approve of these Warcraft chicks...


Tuesday hangs its head in Shame...

Rarely been as humiliated, subjugated and under the thumb of overwhelming shame as occurred this morning. Great, one more fucking thing to worry about.



Bet you $5....

That I can ensure that you never sleep again....You game?

I totally stole this image from the U.S. Treasury's official website...felt good. Real good.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Sweet dreams....


What. The. Fuck?

Saw this at FatPita...and, suffice it to say, wow. Just fucking wow...

Homeschooled. Had to be...
Click for larger

Evolution Monkey has a message for you...


Monday has seen the mountaintop...

If you've never heard the original, this is considered one of the 20th Century's finest oratorical moments. Note, that the demands were never just for enfranchisement, but also access to the job market and fair housing.
Happy Holiday.


Proof, again, of Vonnegut's Wisdom

You know it's true....don't even argue.

Particularly damning, when you consider that my high school class [lackwits to a tee] includes the mayor of one of the 5 largest Alabama cities, a trial court judge, state Assembly persons, three professors and more rednecks-with-money than you can shake a maraschino cherry at...


Today's Hot Nerd: Kari Byron...again

Still love you Kari...

Saw the above picture today, and laughed my ass off. Primarily, because it's true. I will watch some Mythbusters, but mainly to see the lovely Kari Byron wet, toussled, in low-riding jeans, and totally dominating Grant et al, like the nerdy dominatrix she truly is. Here Nerdentials are here, and yes, plenty of nice pics....

She is happy to see those pliers.

Absolutely brilliant...and a sweetheart.


If for no other reason than to dust off my favorite picture....

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Wait for it...


Skinny she may be, but hot she remains....