Do not fuck with the Russians

There are a great many nations that it's perfectly acceptable to screw with: New Zealand, Albania, Switzerland, Canada, and France (obviously). Then, there are others that will swiftly (and sometimes without provocation) completely wreck your shit: Think the United States, India, China and Israel.

Then, there is that one nation that no one wants to piss off: Russia

Seriously, have you ever seen a bear chased off in fear by an American with a pepper mill?

Case in point: Somali Pirates. These bastards have completely wrecked shipping off the Gulf of Aden and the Western Indian Ocean. They are lawless, murderous, and far more terrifying than what we've been led to believe. Contrary to popular opinion, being a pirate in the 3rd world does not include swashbuckling, witty ripostes with corsair kings, or pretty doe-eyed piratesses with great breasts, unblemished skin and all of their perfect, white teeth.


One group of pirates, no matter how ferocious, recently seriously screwed the pooch though when they decided to hijack the Russian oil freighter Moscow University. The Russian navy went out to sea, reclaimed the freighter, and then, well....

A group of Somali pirates captured by the Russian navy in the Gulf of Aden and then set free in a boat are most probably dead after failing to reach the shore, a Russian defence source said Tuesday

According to the latest information, the pirates who seized the Moscow University oil tanker failed to reach the shore. Evidently, they have all died," the high-ranking source was quoted as saying by all Russia's official news agencies.

The source said that radio signals from the boat stopped just one hour after it had been set free by the Russian navy. No details were given over the manner in which they could have lost their lives.

Reports have said that after their release the Russian navy put the pirates in a boat some 300 nautical miles offshore, removing all weaponry and navigational equipment from the vessel.

You think you're a bad ass, until the Russian Navy captures you, takes you 300 miles out to sea, strips your boat of navigation, and lets nature take its course...

Was this cruel? Oh, undoubtedly. Some "rights activists" lamented "It would have been more humane to have hung them up from the yardarm". Well, no one ever accused Russia of being humane when it feels she's been wronged. Pres. Medvedev obviously disagreed with this assessment, and in fact ordered that everyone associated with the marooning to get a fucking medal!

 Order of Badassery, First Class

 Hell, even the Somali Ambassador to Russia, Mohammed Handule, is praising the action, stating. "Not one Somali or the government of our country sees Russia as being guilty in this. The Russian military showed they can act effectively so that not one crew member of the captured tanker was hurt...This is the most important thing."

So, yeah, ten Somali citizens were marooned at sea, with no judge or jury, and all have died, and the Somali government's response is "we're cool with that...the most important thing is that no Russians got hurt".

Really, what else were we supposed to say?


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