1.14.2011

I Get Mail: Nun Edition...

On top of my Russian Brides (who still won't call me back), and requests for mundane legal services (from persons who I believe lack legal capacity to contract), I also get mail from nuns...



Shit, I wish....




This one sounds totally on the up and up....


Dearest in Christ,

Greetings in the name of our Lord; I am Sister Mary Johnson an ageing widow suffering from long time illness. I am currently admitted in a private hospital here in Abidjan the capital city of Cote D'Ivoire. I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Late Mr. Patrick Johnson, the sum of US$10.500, 000.00 which he deposited in a Bank here and I need a very honest and God fearing Christian that can use this funds for God's work and 25% out of the total funds will be for your compensation for doing this work of
God. I found your email address from the internet and decided to contact you.

Please if you would be able to use these funds for the Lord's work kindly reply immediately so that i will give you the contact of the bank where the money is deposited.

Yours Sister in the Lord,

Sister Mary Johnson.



Well, hell, this was just a bad read all the way around.
  1. I'm not a Christian
  2. I'm not god-fearing (except for Loki, with whom I have an abiding respect and non-intervention pact)
  3. I do not live in a country where funds are expressed with decimals
  4. I do not do the Lord's work
  5. I do not trust anything out of the Ivory Coast
  6. Shouldn't a nun be able to get healing from either a catholic hospital, catholic charity, or --you know-- pray.
  7. Ageing widows are the way widows are preferred; young widows are sadder (and usually hotter); and, finally,
  8. I am mistrustful of the clergy generally, and nuns specifically.




And, since they watch me sleep, you can't blame me either...





-d.s.


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