EASILY THE BEST CONTENT this blog has ever, ever produced.

As promised on multiple occasions over the past two weeks, I have the most awesome story ever. Seemingly taken from the pages of pulp fiction ripped from the outakes of 2010's Summer Blockbuster, Kick-Ass, comes the (pardon the pun) most kick ass thing ever...

Honest to god costumed "superheroes"

The name's Jones, Phoenix Jones

Here is an excerpt from the Seattle Post Intelligencer/Seattle Crime.com
“I’m Phoenix Jones. I’m from the Seattle area. And I fight crime.”

That’s how local masked man Phoenix Jones introduced himself to a group of boisterous college students sitting outside of the Chipotle restaurant in the University District Friday night, as I accompanied him on his nightly patrol.

Does that get your blood pumping? Feeling hyped? Well it damn well should. But, any old whack job can claim to be a superhero....it takes something special to actually fight crime, right? Indeed. That said, let's see our newest hero in action, shall we?

You can say "No way, No way." But, goddammit, that's what they said about Batman too.
And, for these unfortunate carjackers, they bit off more justice than they could handle....

That's right, Phoenix Jones patrolling the mean streets of Seattle, one man driven by vengeance, eaten by conscience, and consumed by vigilantism. And, guess what criminal elements of the underworld, hatching your nefarious plots with your toadies and molls in tow? Phoenix Jones ain't alone. 

Last week, the Seattle Police Department’s Robbery unit sent out an internal memo to officers, warning them that they may soon encounter Jones or his fellow costumed do-gooders—"Thorn," Buster Doe," "Green Reaper," "Gemini," "No Name," "Catastrophe," "Thunder 88," and "Penelope,” according to the memo—who have popped up on Seattle’s increasingly weird streets over the last year.

SPD had a run in with Jones earlier this month when a concerned citizen called police and reported a potential robbery after they spotted two masked men pull their Kia Forte in to a Capitol Hill gas station with its headlights off in the middle of the night.

The masked men were gone by the time officers arrived, but robbery detectives tracked Jones to his secret lair outside of Seattle and spoke with Jones’ Godmother, who told police he "dresses up like a superhero and goes out with his friends at night and does good deeds," according to an internal police document.

Fear-stricken citizens, despair no longer, thanks to Penolope, Phoenix Jones, No Name and others, the weird streets of Seattle are getting a little safer. But, it's not just Seattle that has a new cadre of caped crusaders. All across the country, in an effort to make every 14 year old boy's dream come true, superheroes and superhero associations are springing up!

Hell, they've even got their own websites for the budding, would-be vigilante lurking within:  With consortiums such as "Real Life Superheroes Project"...which includes a freaking registry of those who walk among us.

But, what if you want to be more lethal, have better gadgets, cooler costumes? Is there something for that? Damn skippy, there is! As Mr. Ravenblade suggests on his website, regarding developing your own supergadgets:

You will have the easiest time if you are a company ordering some of the items before the people will risk selling them to you. Sure, there is always online auction sites like EBay, but in the end having your own LLC created to be the buyer with money you fund allows you to get a wider range of stuff, makes all your research tax deductable if you have a good accountant, will usually help you get materials cheaper and most importantly will help educate you and help keep your actions within the bounds of the law. I highly suggest that basic business skills and the creation of an LLC (if your state allows them, if not ask your accountant about an S Corporation) be part of your RLSH training. T. Stark did it, B. Wayne did it, why shouldn't you?

Mr. Silent here (reppin' Indianapolis) rocks a pretty sweet Destro look.

Alas, all is not paradise in our real world's Metropolis. Just as Superman and Batman have their tiffs, so too do our own masked avengers occasionally have a rift. The above Phoenix Jones currently has beef with Seattle's other prominent hero, Mr. Ravenblade.

The sad, sordid tale is here

FWIW: I think Mr. Ravenblade has got the better end of the argument here.

So, is this a hoax, nerd wet dreams being realized, or are we seeing a new era in Samaritans, ones with gadgets, masks and a willingness to hit back against the elements terrorizing us? 

Rather, it's as Minneapolis' Geist says

“I’m basically just a guy who tries to do some good things. I’ve succeeded at some, had marginal success at others, and have had my fair share of total screw-ups.”

You know what? At the end of the day, that's all we can ask to be, and all we can ask to do. But, as Mr. Ravenblade says, sometimes that's enough....
It is really not that hard to save a life or change the world. you just have to be dedicated, and be willing to step up and protect others.


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