6.02.2010

Men: Avoid attending childbirth...

It's science...and utterly vile...


The males of you who have attended the birth of a child have learned a couple of valuable lessons: 1. No matter how highly you think of your penis, it's nothing compared to what a woman's body can handle. 2. Seeing a human being in the stirrups, with the fun bits opened like a side of beef, is not beautiful or life affirming, it is horrifying and nauseating...John Carpenter couldn't make up something this disgusting. 3. Your presence isn't really required, and, in all probability, you're just distracting baby mama from the task of squeezing out the little greased horror.


Now, recent research suggests that it may actually be harmful to your parenting down the road...

Dr Ives is working on a treatise named The Moral Habitus of Fatherhood, but let’s not hold that against him, because the rest of what he says makes eminent sense. He describes the dogma of “equal involvement” in childbirth as, “false, modern rhetoric”, and argues that men who feel a sense of duty to become actively involved in pregnancies are left disenchanted and self-doubting as they realise that they can offer little more than passive support to their partners.

In short, he seems to suggest what many a hapless father could have told you: that being a useless spare part in the delivery room whilst your wife and various nurses yell abuse at you for standing in the wrong place is not the ideal start to fatherhood.


So, there you have it...rather than throwing up in your mouth for 12 hours, you should let baby mama do what she's genetically predisposed to do: Give birth. You need to make sure the house is ready, get her comfy for coming home, do the whole protector bit, and, by all means, not look at the grisly sight of an episiotomy-torn vagina.




It's okay to look now...just make sure you avert your eyes when the placenta comes gushing out...





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1 comment:

  1. "the little greased horror." LOL

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