wittiest thing I've heard in a long while...

One of the most evil creatures on God's green earth...

Good ole' Omaha/Council Bluffs; one of the few places in America with the Black Squirrel. They are some of the most evil, territorial, aggressive rodents I've ever seen in my life. If an animal can actually have a "fuck you" look; if an herbivore could actually stalk, it would be the black squirrel. They are also hella' cute.
Nothing like a black squirrel.
However, they are also very destructive, to the point that they make puppies look well-behaved. In the Lincoln, NE area, the neighbors are literally getting eaten out of house and home as the critters have gnawed through roofs, siding, devastated the flora, and, in one case, chewed through brake lines. Some locals got pissed with the whole squirrel destruction bit and have taken to hunting them with -no shit- crossbows. As you can imagine, the cops don't take kindly to discharging 14th century weapons in residential neighborhoods, and charged the folks with misdemeanor weapons violations.

But, the truly witty remark comes from one of the locals, herself a victim of the onslaught, who disagreed with shooting the critters. And, this remains one of the driest, darkly comedic statements I've read in a while:

“I’m not for shooting squirrels myself,” said Lisa Innis. “I prefer to ask them to leave. It apparently does no good at all.”



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