Amen. Food Allergies.

I have an allergy to smart-asses

One thing that perplexes me, and is something I ruminate frequently upon is the new scourge of alleged food allergies. I am not talking about fatal reactions to peanuts, but all of these folks claiming weird allergies to everything from sorghum and eggs and dairy to wheat and barley. 

I grew up in no less than 13 school districts, with no less than 15,000 children encountered. Want to know how many kids died from the school lunches, which were heavily laden with soy, nuts, whey, wheat, and the like.

Abso-fucking-lutely zero. 

They did, however, turn into armies of the diminutive undead.

Yet, you can barely turn your head these days without someone claiming some fantastical new allergy. If the incidence of these food allergies were so great, then humanity would have fuck-all never gotten off the ground. If all of the available grains were sickening 1/7th of the population; if easy protein like legumes and eggs were death-nuggets, then how the fuck are we still around. Why are there no cautionary tales in historical literature that read "thou shalt not eat a fucking omelette?" 

Simple. It's Bullshit. That's why. 

 Sniff. Sniff. I smell bullshit.

The Times of London has a fabulous editorial on the 400% increase of people claiming to have newer, more exotic food allergies. The entire thing is worth your read, however, enjoy some excerpts:

The nation is in the grip of an epidemic, but one very different from those usually written about, such as obesity, diabetes and binge-drinking. What makes this epidemic unusual is that it is not an illness or condition in itself, but the false belief that something is wrong with you. This mass delusion affects millions of people in this country, and it’s getting worse. It’s food intolerance. One in five Britons now claims to have a food allergy or intolerance, with most stating wheat as the problem. That is an increase of 400 per cent in the past 20 years. 
Now research conducted by Portsmouth University has shown that of those people claiming to have an allergy or intolerance, only 2 per cent actually did. 
The realisation that most people aren’t that special can be avoided by adopting a quasi-medical condition that sets one apart. It demands attention and consideration. It forces other people to think about them and make special arrangements for them. Only last week, a friend with recently self-diagnosed lactose intolerance came round for a cup of tea. “Do you have any soya milk?” she asked as the kettle boiled. I confessed I hadn’t and felt awful. It was then that I realised she was on her third chocolate biscuit. “Oh, milk’s OK in chocolate biscuits,” she said hastily. How convenient, I thought. 

Pretty sobering, but not entirely unexpected. Think about it 2% of the population are earnest, sincere and have legitimate concerns and/or medical condiction. The other 98% are self-important, self-obsessed, "look at me", lying pricks. So, quit being an asshat, and enjoy your omelette and dry wheat toast.

STFU and eat your lunch Billy.  You're not special.

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