4.29.2009

Things Republicans* Have Done Right....Part One

Geo. Wash:
Pluses: Ummm, kicked the Brits' asses? Of course, let's not forget that were England not also engaged in France, and had the wherewithal to quell this lil' uprising, we'd still be having tea and crumpets, heading to the loo, using undergrounds and tubes, stuck with archaic currence, and -of course- driving on the wrong side of the road.
Downers: really treated veterans like shit, engaged more men to quell the Whiskey Rebellion than ever fought against the British at one time, plus, was an elitist aristocratic fucker.

John Adams:
Pluses: Kept us out of the messy French-British war (of course, 12 years later, we would be embroiled with our motherland again). Strengthed national commerce, especially with old Euro powers. Thumbed his nose at the French, but eventually made nice with Napoleon.
Downers: Fierce suppressor of political dissent; the Naturalization & Alien and Sedition Acts will forever earn rightful scorn. Midnight judges, but even that had a bright spot...as we kept John Marshall and later earned judicial review over the actions of the other branches.

Wm. H. Harrison:
Pluses: Died after 32 days in office.
Minuses: Died after 32 days in office, AND your 7th grade teacher made you remember "Ole Tippecanoe and Tyler Too"...a phrase currently taking up valuable mental real estate.

John Tyler:
Pluses: The second of "Ole Tippecanoe", so he's easy to remember. Annexed Texas (if you're into land and empires...or, if you're like me and just into hot latinas). Was the first President to fight off a politcally-motivated impeachment proceeding.
Minuses: Ummm, annexed Texas in a purely shameful land grab. Lost FOUR confirmation hearings for SCOTUS nominees...a record. Supported Polk, who later won, thus firmly cementing the mid-1880s as an Industrial Revolution free-for-all.

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