TGIF: We can all use some laughs...

After this horrifying week, I think we should all just lighten the hell up a bit, shall we? Below is one of my favorite jokes (a la MSX Net)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. 
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, 
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,  I put a glass of 
vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning  of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to  talk  up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, 
   and Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he 
   was stoned off his ass. 

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take  this and
    eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,  thanks for
    the grub, yeah God."

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a
    peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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