Showing posts with label when good guys go bad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label when good guys go bad. Show all posts

1.07.2011

It's complicated: 150 years ago and today.

*I originally was going to publish this on 12/20/10, but decided against it. After letting it percolate for a bit, and some editing, I decided to give it a go. It's complicated.
===


It's complicated. That is the only way to describe my feelings today. Complicated. Today is the 150th Anniversary of South Carolina's secession from the Union. And this will probably be long, perhaps angry in parts, but please bear with me: This is complicated for Southerners, but what I say is notsome neo-Confederate fantasia.




 On Dec. 20, 1860, this was the South Carolina flag. Pay attention to the St. George's Cross in blue; it would later become a St. Andrews cross and is visceral symbol that still divides America.




For those in the United States North and Midwest, the Civil War is largely a by-blow of a different time and place, with the tried and true American notion that it was fought and won by those who held the belief that human beings should not be enslaved and brutalized for profit. You learn about it; maybe go to Gettysburg or Sharpsburg; make a few jokes to Southerners that cross your path; absorb the memes and move along.

The average person in Schenectady or Syracuse, Des Plaines or Des Moines, Toledo or Harrisburg, Bangor or Hartford just doesn't reflect very often on what it means to lose a third of the male population, to have martial-law imposed on from without, to have the civilian population  subjected to rampant rape robbery and murder, and then to be economically isolated for another half of a century under the guise of "reconstruction".

Coming from a different view, though, I can tell you that in the South, we take a very different view: it was fought largely on our soil. The farmhouses with aging stones still mark where a descendant died in the backyard. Old, stately oaks and sycamores still display the gouges from random shots that spared a random person while ripping another soul violently from its body.

Everywhere around you is history, distant and near: and they are all ever-present reminders of a War that never died; and one which existed well before the first shots were fired on Ft. Sumter in April of 1861.




  That tree is still probably alive. 



I'm not going to sit here and say that those who died in the American South were rebels and traitors deserving of death: Most weren't. Like most wars, their interests were not what was at stake. The vast majority were poor, dumb farm kids conscripted and told to point a gun and shoot at other human beings. A mere 10% of the South owned slaves; needless to say, those 10% did not do the bleeding and dying in that war. That 10% never has. And there were others who thought they were being invaded, and fought to protect their home...that included a not-insignificant number of freed black slaves.




Fucking disgusting: Southern blacks beaten mercilessly in Georgia.




But was the system barbarous? Of course it was; and the 10% of the plantation class never admitted that to themselves.  Equally barbarous was Northern industry built on the bodies of maimed children, exploited miners, and, yes, slaves: For instance, New York in 1862 was the second largest slave port in America. Moreover, Boston was the largest exporter of slave made textiles. No good guys here. Just profiteers on all sides.



Also fucking disgusting: a mentally retarded Boston child forced to the factory...





And the Bronx slave market...


 
There was, and remains, just so much god-damned hypocrisy on both sides that I -to this day- have a hard time coming to terms with the enormity of the lies, the magnitude of the human misery, the blood, the acrimony, the recriminations that led to, occurred during, and linger after that War. And, as a Southerner, being part of an occupied portion of the nation, we still carry those emotional tokens and that besieged mentality...even as we try to make a better place, a better United States than the one we lived in in 1860. But, that change has to come from within, and the victors will never understand -- but must-- that "a more perfect union" cannot be achieved through force and murder of its own.

Just as the Antebellum South, and its apologists, need to understand that the barbarism of slavery -- no matter how many of the U.S's bills were paid with that money -- is not, and never was, a sane, rational, human, humane or sustainable way to make a fortune. Nor was it a good cause to engage in the most senseless, bloody conflict of our brief national history. Ours was not a just cause -- at least to the extent of defending slavery. The willingness and ability of alleged partners to dissolve a confederation/union, should and ought never have been denied. And, to the extent that equals have no way out, and then defended territorial sovereignty? Well...that's a different matter.

Slavery made us an evil nation, as well as a very rich one; from the plantations that used slaves, to the Northern factories and shipyards who imported human beings and exported slave products. 150 years later, we're still not healed: The legacy of that war, and the legacy of four centuries of inhumanity will do that. As will being treated as the nation's retarded cousin in the basement.

And, so long as the North continues to treat 40% of the American population as redheaded stepchildren, warily apologetic for the sins of others, then it never will be healed. Just as it will never be healed until the unreconstructed types grow the fuck up, quit romanticizing the war as anything other than the protection of a stultyifyingly rigid world of caste, class and sheer brutality.

Like I said; It's complicated.

1.05.2011

Jane Austen, how do I hate thee...

Jane Austen perpetuates the Fee Tail to our children (think of the little girls, won't you); her notion of romance is roughly analogous to a tepid Cleveland Steamer; everyone hovers in/around the petty gentry class and the landed polite society....and Mr. Darcy needs a good cockpunching. Just to make me feel better.

Now, that said, for just one moment, let's get raw: Let's have some Austen with a set of "Thatchers" shall we?"


Jane Austen Fight Club




-d.s.

12.14.2010

Facebook has the Hive Mind...

Beware Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook and epitome of Nerdy Evil Villian.

Today's story from the Hive is meant to be "cool", an "intern's" visualization of the connections between friends meant to create another view of the world: One without geographic limitations such as territorial boundaries.


Take it away "intern"

When the data is the social graph of 500 million people, there are a lot of lenses through which you can view it. One that piqued my curiosity was the locality of friendship. I was interested in seeing how geography and political borders affected where people lived relative to their friends. I wanted a visualization that would show which cities had a lot of friendships between them.

I began by taking a sample of about ten million pairs of friends from Apache Hive, our data warehouse. I combined that data with each user's current city and summed the number of friends between each pair of cities. Then I merged the data with the longitude and latitude of each city.



Okay, Einstein, sum it up for those in the Facebook Sphere of Influence...

After a few minutes of rendering, the new plot appeared, and I was a bit taken aback by what I saw. The blob had turned into a surprisingly detailed map of the world. Not only were continents visible, certain international borders were apparent as well. 



Well, what does this look like?




 It is surprisingly cool, though.
Click to John Holmes this bitch (big file...3.8 mbs), or, go to the source page





But, what corporate endeavour to track and plot 1/2 a billion souls is complete without a lil' PR language allegedly spoken by the "intern".


What really struck me, though, was knowing that the lines didn't represent coasts or rivers or political borders, but real human relationships. Each line might represent a friendship made while travelling, a family member abroad, or an old college friend pulled away by the various forces of life.


This is meant to put our mind at ease, but, we really know what these lines represent; and it isn't "a relationship." Rather, it's more than likely dick jokes and pictures of drunks behaving badly.



Like yours truly, in the foreground, wrecking folks in the pit.
 Ah, to be young and indestructible again.
-d.s.

11.13.2009

Cynic? Moi?

Just stumpled across a fabulous website for you other cynics, naysayers and ne'er-do-wells...The Cynic's Sanctuary.  There is a trove of wonderful bah-humbuggery, there, and the site author even has a book (much akin to my hero Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary). From The Cynic's Dictionary:

FIBER Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another eight or ten years in which to consume wood-pulp.
FOUNDATION GRANT Bourgeois beneficence that enables unmarketable artists to continue expressing their contempt for bourgeois values.
FUNERAL HOME A stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.
GENETIC ENGINEERING Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo.
GOLF The art of driving hard, avoiding the rough, surmounting traps and hazards, aiming straight, and arriving on the green at last, only to end up in a hole in the ground before your companions. The favored pastime of businessmen and their cronies, probably without a full appreciation of its metaphorical implications.


Now that you interest has been piqued, go give Rick a visit at the Cynic's Sanctuary.

10.29.2009

Your Country is Fucked Special Edition: All Brits are secretly pedophiles.

A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER



The world's largest surveillance society has fast become the largest nanny state as well...

Dear 11 million otherwise-loving, attentive British parents, 

        We know that you think you really love your children. However, in these sickening, morally-bankrupt times, you must ask yourself, "Do I really love my children? Is my emotion one of filial love, or is my affection of a darker, more sinister and sexual nature?" Believe me, parents, we here on Downing Street ask ourselves that everyday.

       As you are aware, we have begun a serious crack-down on child abuse and exploitation. However, while the Yanks talk tough, and pretend to protect their children, we're doing something about it. The important first step in the British Bum Busters program recognizes that the greatest evil, and quickest source of sexual predation, begins with the adults that children are exposed to everyday, the ones who allegedly "love" them...Mum and Da.




We know why you had children, you depraved git.

     Therefore, we are pleased to announce that we are beginning  a special pilot project to protect our precious future. Beginning at the Township of Watford, henceforth no adults shall be permitted to supervise children on the 1/2 acre designated play sites. Instead, pre-screened adult "play rangers", those adults we've deemed to be moral and lacking lewdness, shall monitor your children: Here are the rules, as promulgated by your Benevolent State:

The rules have been imposed at Harwoods and Harebreaks adventure recreation grounds.
Activities on the half acre sites include a skateboard half-pipe, a zip line, rope swings, den building, arts and crafts, plus a wide range of indoor and outdoor sports activities.
Play rangers currently patrol both parks – which are specifically for children aged five to 15 – and are fully qualified and have been cleared by the Criminal Records Bureau (CRB).
Parents already have to 'register' their child on arrival at the free playgrounds so staff have their contact details in the event of an accident.
But now only those who have been CRB vetted by the council can enter the sites, which are surrounded by six foot high steel and wooden fences.


 To serve and protect...from dangers that you didn't even know existed.

      Parents, of course, may still watch their children play through the fence, although we regret that you may not enter the playground area to swing with children, see-saw or engage in other potential foreplay activities. We understand that this may represent a bit of a change for you, but remember, these changes are in place to protect your children, and -more importantly- to protect your children from you. As always, please join me this afternoon for tea as we celebrate the glory of Britain, and the Two Minute Hate.

Very truly yours,
Prime Minister




Thursday Remembers When Metallica Didn't Suck: One


The first video ever for the heralded metal band Metallica, "One". Up until this moment, Metallica was a known commodity among critics and fans in the know, but they did not have the commercial success to match their considerable talents. And Justice for All...finally brought them that recognition, and was perhaps the crowning moment of the late Cliff Burton's song-writing talents.* However, while touring for Master of Puppets, we lost him in a bus accident, and the music world (to say nothing of the band) is much poorer for his absence. 

It is no coincidence that the band's next release (the Black Album, with such putrescence as "Enter Sandman," "Unforgiven," "Nothing Else Matters," etc.) was the first without Cliff and it clearly reflected a lack of his fire and brilliance. The rest you know e.g., turning into sell-out whores, Napster mafiosos, becoming dry drunks and wanna' be Southern Rockers. However, for now, sit back and enjoy artists at the peak of their genius.

10.28.2009

Fucking with Spammers: Male Prostitution Edition


Whoot!!! I'm rich!!! First on the list: Invest in a harem!!!

Among my useless, but amusing, hobbies is fucking with spammers: I never really got a chance to screw with the Nigerian Bank Scam guy, because that teat dried up long before I got into the habit of responding to them. However, Loki must have blessed me today, because I finally got the "Dear X, a relative has died and you get Y money" email. I was very excited, and spun what I consider to be one of my finest replies*:


Loki approves of me fomenting chaos.

From Mr. Scammer (identity not protected...send him one!)


--- On Mon, 10/26/09, From Mr.Ernest Dadanu wrote:


From: From Mr.Ernest Dadanu
Subject: With Due Respect
To: concave.scream@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, October 26, 2009, 3:41 PM

我有新的電郵地址!
你現可電郵給我:ernestdadanu0@yahoo.com.hk



- Dear Friend,Pls i want you to read this letter very carefully and i must apologize for barging this message into your mail box without any formal introduction due to the urgency and confidential of this issue and i know that this message will come to you as a surprise, Pls this is not a joke and i will not like you to joke with it.I am Mr.Ernest Dadanu, a Manager in Bank of Africa (BOA) Ouagadougou , Burkina faso .I Hoped that you will not expose or betray this trust and confident that i am about to establish with you for the mutual benefit of me and you.I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of ($15)millions usd into your account within 7working banking days. This money has been dormant for years in our Bank without claim due to the owner of this fund died along with his entire family and supposed next of kin in an air crash since July 31st 2000.Pls go through the website(http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm)I want our bank to release this funds to you as the nearest person to our deceased customer while i come over to your country to share this fund with you as soon as you confirm this fund into your account and ask me to come over.I don't want the money to go into our Bank treasure as an abandoned fund. So this is the reason why i contacted you so that our bank will release this money to you as the next of kin to the deceased customer. Please I would like you to keep this proposal as a top secret and delete it if you are not interesting.Upon the receipt of your reply and indication of your capability, i will give you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have 45% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me while 50% will be for me and 5% for any expenses that may arise on the process, Because i don't want anyone here in our bank to know my involvement until you confirm this fund into your account and ask me to come over for the sharing as i indicated.Am looking forward hearing from you immediately,Thanks with my best regards Mr.Ernest Dadanu.





My Response:

Dear Mr. Dadanu,
I must say your email comes as a blessing and a surprise, count me in! But first, let me explain (I'm really lonely these days) why I'm so desperate: The past few months have been difficult ones for me. As you probably know, the economy here in America is really, really shaky, so finding employment is difficult. In my case, locating a new job has been almost impossible, because I am now an ex-felon.

See, I recently lost my job as  --let's be honest-- first as upscale male prostitute, later as a back-alley ass whore. I began as a "power bottom" and "otter slut" for many of the insurance and finance executives here in Omaha. I filled a role (and a few holes) that their wives otherwise would not. However, getting the word out was kind of tough, and got more difficult as the economy started to tank. You know how it is, Mr. Dadanu (can I call you Ernest?) when the economy goes sour: People start looking to trim the budget, tighten the old belt: No more operas, fine dining, trips to Hong Kong (you have a beautiful country, by the way), and certainly no more boy toy to accompany them.  So, having a hard time retaining and finding new clients,on the advice of a supposed friend, I shed my independent mantle and turned to a "broker" (you could call him a pimp), named Seutonius "Sweet" Gonzales.

Sweet was definitely not who he turned out to be. Oh, I mean at first he was caring and loving and a gentle lover. I always slept soundly in his arm (he's an ex-Navy SEAL and lost the other one in Operation Desert Shield). He had the best sense of humor, and I've never heard someone tell a funnier Holocaust joke than Sweet. He was so thoughtful too, he always knew what kind of beer to bring me when I was feeling low, or which salve to put on my sore bum. Then the relationship started to sour after just a few weeks. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't...I just loved that big bear of a man (and his bigger cock!). As the months dragged on, the sex turned more violent, when we had it at all, but I was addicted. The intimacy was just gone, and we began to fight more and more. But, he was a really passive-aggressive sort who wouldn't just yell, he would attack me in subtler, but no less cruel, ways: drinking out of the milk carton, flushing the toilet when I was in the shower, asking me if I left the iron on (when he KNOWS that I have OCD), smoking my last cigarette, that kind of thing.

Then, he started to beat me...not in that "let's get you a little bloody for the make-up sex" kind of beating: He whipped the shit out of me (literally, he made me cut my own switches from the birch tree out back before he striped my back and ass and legs). The beatings became more severe and more frequent. The last one was particularly severe, when I told him I was not comfortable "barebacking" his new clients of decidedly poorer hygeine (and poorer financial means!) To make a long story short, he put me in the hospital when I told him I was quitting...and, guess what else I found out at the hospital? That bastard gave me syphillis. Turns out he really didn't lose his leg (and testicle) in Iraq, he had grangenous syphillis. If you've never seen it, it looks like this:




But, the worst betrayal came as I was laying in the hospital with my jaw wired shut (my moneymaker!), the FBI came in along with the Douglas Country Sheriffs and the Omaha police. Seems that bastard had called all the authorities to report that I was a prostitute --and a pervert! He told the cops that I was running a prostitution ring out of rest area bathrooms (true, but that's because HE made ME!) and also told them that I wasperforming oral sex on teenage boys. The nerve of that son of a bitch. I mean, it WAS a glory hole, after all...the thrill is that they ARE ANONYMOUS! How was I supposed to know that some of the smaller penises belonged to his sons? (Another surprise there...he's also MARRIED! WITH KIDS!!).

Needless to say, the police didn't believe, the prosecutors wouldn't believe me, and the judge had no sympathy whatsoever. So, now, I've got my sentencing on Dec. 13th of this year. So, any money that I can get will greatly assist me in getting the hell out of the country, and somewhere I can ply my trade (and not go to prison!) What's the male prostitution market like in Hong Kong? Perhaps you and I can work out an "arrangement". Or, if that's not your style, I'll bet working at a large financial institution you know lots of people right? Anyway, we can work out those details when you come.

That said, I REALLY would be delighted to take you up on this offer. By my reckoning, 45% of $15 million USD would be close $4.5 million after miscellaneous fees, your 50%, and any taxes that I will need to pay to the State of Nebraska, as well as Federal taxes. I've already contacted the IRS and the State Department of Revenue to see what I need to do about paying them. I can understand you want a little secrecy, and that makes sense, so the only person I've told is my realtor, my lawyer and I might want to hire a financial adviser too. Anyway, please advise on how we can this done AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. How quickly can you come to the States? I look forward to hearing from you, Ernest, and thanks again!! I'M RICH!!!

Mr. D. Schatten.





*In case it escaped the NSA's attention (and I know you bastards are snooping) not a single word of the reply is true.

 

10.23.2009

Friday F'd Up: Deicide


Deicide. Need I say anything more? These guys are frightening as all hell because I do think, deep down, they very much believe in evil with a capital 'e', and have chosen to embrace it. Creepy video.

5.19.2009

Things Republicans Have Done Right: Part Three

The following is a group of (mainly) decent men who guided the nation out of the ashes of reconstruction and helped set the stage for the Gilded era.

Rutherford B. Hayes:
The Good: Surprisingly a man of erudite liberalism for his day. Permitted female lawyers to serve as solicitors before the U.S. Supreme Court; vetoed legislation on numerous occasions which would have gutted post-Civil War civil rights enforcements; expanded trade throughout Central and South American treaties; attempted the first Panama Canal
The Bad: And, boy, was it ever. Set the tone for a disputed election that had to be settled through the "Compromise" of 1877, and, in retrospect really biffed it by only serving one term. By all accounts was a decent, good man and President. Famous for "He serves his Party best who serves his Nation best", if that's any indication of his moral fiber.

Chester A. Arthur:
The Good: The "father of civil service reform", he was staunchly anti-croney, which was odd considering his entire precedent career had been at the teat of special interests; staunchly independent-minded; kick-ass whiskers and a dye-hard Fenian.
The Bad: Let Standard Oil run abso-frickin-lutely rampant; despite his reputation as an independent, absolutely gutted the honest careerists installed in the executive by Grover Cleveland; elitist; Supreme Court picks were duds.

James A. Garfield:
The Good: Not much to report since he only was in office for four months before getting shot. But his is a Trival Pursuit answer, I'm sure...he was the only sitting member of the House of Representatives to be elected the Chief Executive.
The Bad: Ummm, getting shot after innauguration and lingering in a coma would qualify, I'd guess.

Benjamin Harrison:
The Good: Really did attempt to curb the Robber Baron era; passed some serious, heavy duty legislation- The Sherman Anti-Trust Act and the McKinley Tariff; spent serious money on the country (first time the budget hit $1 billion)
The Bad: Was the original waffler of his day; fierce ideologue; a true tax-and-spend-and-tax some more kinda' guy; depleted the nation's gold supply with the Silver initiatives urged by his treasury.

5.16.2009

It sucks to see your peeps hurt...


There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, it is hard to say goodbye, but sometimes it has to be done; not out of discontent or unhappiness, but singular self-preservation.

5.04.2009

Pardon the introspection...litany of heart(ache/break/swell)

Just some random thoughts about folks I never hooked up with/had a relationship with/yet retain some fond (or not so) memories of.** This is life, kids. Honest to god, drop trou life...and, yet, I wouldn't trade any of these for all the tea in China*, no matter how painful.

1. That night before I was to move a mere 90 miles to the south (but 90 miles at fourteen is a lifetime: it was, and it is). Your dad? A fire-n-brimstone minister. I? Ragged long hair, atheist, earrings, but a good athlete...so he tolerated me. You? Mostly deaf, with a speech impediment. Me? I cared not one bit and ignored, at that impressionable age, those "defects" because you were a great person, with a great personality, had a smile that ignited the room, and, as I was to find out later, were a phenomenal kisser.

2. You told me, after sleeping with my brother, and I was desperately smitten and pouring my heart out, that "Wow. I'll bet you could write really good poetry." Guess what? I did. And I do. My poetry was later published for times in three publications, both before and after minoring in the subject in college.

3. You were the one I never wanted (until it was too late), but were the sweetest of the pack...you were irretrievably bitten, if not by lust then revenge against the sister that did me very very wrong. And you were married. I should have tried harder.

4. You were the one I did want, and never should have had, and I did you a great wrong, perhaps out of malice for another, perhaps out of lust. In any event, those motive do not matter because, one day, if you ever stumble across this, I will not ask your forgiveness, merely your understanding for taking advantage of you.

5. Your fiance had just raped you again, but you -as a European immigrant- wanting a better life unbeholden to a man, wanted your own career,and your own life; you wanted to become a psychologist. We became lovers, but we were always better friends. I gave you money to get your own place for a month to get the hell away, and you ran. Good for you. You did became a psychologist, and I am happier than most for that decision.

6. You're a Yankee, and your dad was a cardiologist. When I pulled up on my motorcycle he instantly despised me. You left anyway, and we spent many nights together giggling over grits, drinking cheap beer and watching the fish nibble at the dam.

7. We danced. Oh, my, how we danced. Over and over again, throughout law school, we danced, and smiled and laughed, and for thost first two years, those smiles got me through...even if we only shared them on Fridays.

8. We sat in your apartment, writing quotes on the wall, drinking great beer, and feeling as one person, thinking as one person, and then you changed...utterly, wholly and completely. And my world was diminished.

9. I read The Prophet to you...I read anything and everything for you...and every passage meant something. And always will.

10. You made the best wings in the world. You remain, to this day, one of the most profane, introspective, and genuinely moral people I've ever met...yet you tempered all of that with grace, intelligence and humor...it could have worked out in a different world, at a different time.



And now, because I need it, and you need it...a tag team of Julio & Willie




* Nota Benne: That would be INDIA, not China.
** Ummm, it goes without saying that, with one exception, these are all chicks. As to the other, you know who you are.

4.30.2009

Things Republicans have done right...Part Two

Zachary Taylor:
Pluses: "Ole Rough and Ready (like all of my gals)" This Tennessean opposed slavery's spread into the new territorities. A decorated field commander, and a true redneck, Taylor defied the Whig platform and otherwise was a true maverick...the Arlen Specter of his day, because no one actually could make sense of his many conflicting positions. Let's hear it for ambiguity. Detested Manifest Destiny.
Minuses:
From Tennessee, slaveowner until his death, states' righter, and asserted the US sphere of influence over Latin America.

Millard Fillmore:
Pluses: ummm, one. Began the White House library..
Minuses: Shit, where to start. Appointed Brigham Young as Utah's Governor, sent Adm. Perry to Japan, sold out his State and his party by capitulating to slavery, used feds to hunt down slaves

Abraham Lincoln:
Pluses: If you don't know this one, I can't help you, brother.
Minuses:
waffling racist, bad taste in women, wiped his ass on the Constitution, again, if you don't know this stuff, I can't help you.

U.S. Grant:
Pluses: Knew how to scowl with a cigar, was one helluva' field commander and -to other soldiers- comported himself with grace and humility, went after the Klan, signed the post-Civil War, Civil Rights bills
Minuses:
Corrupt to his soul, murdered and subdued Indians at an amazing rate and was a fierce colonialist in that respect, saw the downslide of the currency while waffling what to do about it.

4.29.2009

Shameful Confession...Eminem



What a complicated man; at times vulgar, profane, violent and unhinged, at others political, funny, witty, introspective with his soul laid bare for all to see. I do like Eminem for these reasons, the corpus is impressive, his imprimatur on the music scene palpable, and you absolutely get what you see...for better or worse.

4.21.2009

I like a good massage now and again, but this...

Spiritual Massage anyone?



This, is not my cup of tea

"A Salinas priest is accused of giving a boy beer, brandy and "spiritual massages" starting when the victim was a 14-year-old, prosecutors said in court Monday...Prosecutors said they think there are more victims. They said Cortes had several photos of young boys partially nude on his cell phone when he was arrested."

3.13.2009

The Corporate Teat and the Farm Bill Proposal.

I am among the most vociferous of farm bill critics, believing that we often subsidize these guys (ranchers especially) into artificially-inflated wealth. Apparently, the president believes the same thing, and proposes a cap on subsidies to land-owned farms over $500,000. I should be jumping, but I'm not...this is bad news for the small American farm and here's why.
1. It will destroy the tenant farmers who do not own their land, but largely lease from smaller owners, because the prices will inevitably be passed on onto them.
2. It does absolutely nothing about Big Farm agribusinesses (think ADM) who lease these monster farms and then still get subsidies.
3. It is based on operating revenue of $500,000. Not profit. Revenue. Well, look at it like this. For an average small farmer, who has the basic 200-250 acre farm, what does he need to pay for?
Combine? 225K
Baler? 30K
Tractor? 100K
Disc driller? 150K
Farm truck? 40K
Cost per acre? 3-5K
How about work clothes, oil, gas, spare parts, feed, seed, fertilizer, water, electric, labor cost for trucking and services cost?

See the problem? This is not a good deal for the small farmer.

3.12.2009

There is an Israel Lobby....And it is powerful.*

So, I read an interesting book; the Israel Lobby. Therein Mearsheimer and Walt make a compelling (although sometimes tenuous) argument for the loose (and not-so loose) coalition of individuals and entities that advance the cause of Israel in general, and pan-Zionism in particular. While not agreeing with the balance of the book, I do agree that very often what is in Israel's best interest isn't necessarily in the best interests of our nation or the people of the U.S. Thus, the book is best read critically, with an open-mind, and reach your own conclusions.

Enter Charles Freeman, an undisputed intelligence genius, who just happens to hold views critical of the Middle East conundrum, and who feels, like many others do, that our unilateral intractability (e.g., Palestine - bad, Israel - good) isn't perhaps the best way to broker peace. Then the shit hit the fan. Online campaigns from the "Lobby" essentially made Freeman's acceptance of the Chair for the Nat'l Intell. Council untenable. Now, others are questioning the Lobby's disproportional influence. Including, naturally, Freeman himself:


"The libels on me and their easily traceable email trails show conclusively that there is a powerful lobby determined to prevent any view other than its own from being aired, still less to factor in American understanding of trends and events in the Middle East," Freeman wrote.Referring to what he called "the Israel Lobby," he added: "The aim of this Lobby is control of the policy process through the exercise of a veto over the appointment of people who dispute the wisdom of its views." One result of this, he said, is "the inability of the American public to discuss, or the government to consider, any option for US policies in the Middle East opposed by the ruling faction in Israeli politics."



While this is rhetoric of a bitter man, wrongly tarred, it is useful to ask ourselves: Who gains from having a foreign policy voice that is status quo as opposed to one that seeks bilateral concensus, and a more diplomatic option for all the principals in the ne'er-ending Israeli-Palestinian conflict? I think you know the answer.




Preface: before I get tarred with the ADL's all-time favorite schtick (e.g., "anti-semite" taunting), I will put my goddamned civil rights record as a professional, an attorney, an activist and human being against nearly anyone. Having spent the better part of my 35 years working in ghettos, shtetls, barrios, reservations, trailer parks, suburbia, micro-mansionville and the like, I am hopeful -but not expectant- that what is said here will be judged on its merit without the de rigeure resort to name-calling. Thank you for listening to the barrage.

3.10.2009

Ohhhhh, Kwame.

I only put it in a lil' baby.


Disgraced, disbarred ex-Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, he who served a stint in the pokey for obstructing justice and schtupping his admin asst. has had all of those spicy text messages released. The Detroit Free Press is my hero for this!

3.05.2009

Some free legal advice from your public defender...

While this is funny, the advice herein to criminal suspects is dead-the-fuck-on. This is an actual Craigslist posting in NYC to defendants from a public defender. If you're a criminal or lawya or judge, read it and weep (or learn, as you or case may be). Via Legal Antics.

First, let me say I love my job and it is a privilege to work for my clients. I wish I could do more for them. That being said, there are a few things that need to be discussed.

You have the right to remain silent. So SHUT THE FUCK UP. Those cops are completely serious when they say your statements can and will be used against you. There’s just no need to babble on like it’s a drink and dial session. They are just pretending to like you and be interested in you.

When you come to court, consider your dress. If you’re charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt. If you have some miscellaneous drug charge, think twice about clothing with a marijuana leaf on it or a t-shirt with the “UniBonger” on it. Long sleeves are very nice for covering tattoos and track marks. Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.

Consider bathing and brushing your teeth. This is just as a courtesy to me who has to stand by you in court. Smoking 5 generic cigarettes to cover up your bad breath is not the same as brushing. Try not to cough and spit on my while you speak and further transmit your strep, flu, and hepatitis A through Z.

I’m a lawyer, not your fairy godmother. I probably won’t find a loophole or technicality for you, so don’t be pissed off. I didn’t beat up your girlfriend, steal that car, rob that liquor store, sell that crystal meth, or rape that 13 year old. By the time we meet, much of your fate has been sealed, so don’t be too surprised by your limited options and that I’m the one telling you about them.

Don’t think you’ll improve my interest in your case by yelling at me, telling me I’m not doing anything for you, calling me a public pretender or complaining to my supervisor. This does not inspire me, it makes me hate you and want to work with you even less.

It does not help if you leave me nine messages in 17 minutes. Especially if you leave them all on Saturday night and early Sunday morning. This just makes me want to stab you in the eye when we finally meet.

For the guys: Don’t think I’m amused when you flirt or offer to “do me.” You can’t successfully rob a convenience store, forge a signature, pawn stolen merchandise, get through a day without drinking, control your temper, or talk your way out of a routine traffic stop. I figure your performance in other areas is just as spectacular, and the thought of your shriveled unwashed body near me makes me want to kill you and then myself.

For the girls: I know your life is rougher than mine and you have no resources. I’m not going to insult you by suggesting you leave your abusive pimp/boyfriend, that you stop taking meth, or that your stop stealing shit. I do wish you’d stop beating the crap out of your kids and leaving your needles out for them to play with because you aren’t allowing them to have a life that is any better than yours.

For the morons: Your second grade teacher was right – neatness counts. Just clean up! When you rob the store, don’t leave your wallet. When you drive into the front of the bank, don’t leave the front license plate. When you rape/assault/rob a woman on the street, don’t leave behind your cell phone. After you abuse your girlfriend, don’t leave a note saying that you’re sorry.

If you are being chased by the cops and you have dope in your pocket – dump it. These cops are not geniuses. They are out of shape and want to go to Krispy Kreme and most of all go home. They will not scour the woods or the streets for your 2 grams of meth. But they will check your pockets, idiot. 2 grams is not worth six months of jail.

Don’t be offended and say you were harassed because the security was following you all over the store. Girl, you were wearing an electronic ankle bracelet with your mini skirt. And you were stealing. That’s not harassment, that’s good store security.

And those kids you churn out: how is it possible? You’re out there breeding like feral cats. What exactly is the attraction of having sex with other meth addicts? You are lacking in the most basic aspects of hygiene, deathly pale, greasy, grey-toothed, twitchy and covered with open sores. How can you be having sex? You make my baby-whoring crack head clients look positively radiant by comparison.

"I didn't put it all the way in." Not a defense.

"All the money is gone now." Not a defense

The bitch deserved it." Not a defense.

"But that dope was so stepped on, I barely got high." Not a defense.

"She didn't look thirteen." Possibly a defense; it depends.

"She didn't look six." Never a defense, you just need to die.

For those rare clients that say thank-you, leave a voice mail, send a card or flowers, you are very welcome. I keep them all, and they keep me going more than my pitiful COLA increase.

For the idiots who ask me how I sleep at night: I sleep just fine, thank you. There's nothing wrong with any of my clients that could not have been fixed with money or the presence of at least one caring adult in their lives. But that window has closed, and that loss diminishes us all.

2.28.2009

Let's play, "You're the ACLU lawyer"

Ok, here are the facts:
In the aftermath of September 11th, the FBI arrested thousands of Arab Muslim men as part of its investigation into the attacks. One of these men, Javaid Iqbal, was classified as being a "high interest" detainee at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, New York. Iqbal claims that during his detention he was segregated from the rest of the prison population and mistreated in several ways, including confinement to a cell for 23 hours a day where he had blinding light shone on him constantly and air conditioning pumped into the cell even during the winter months. After being released, Iqbal brought a suit against representatives of the Department of Justice, Bureau of Prisons, and FBI alleging 21 violations of his statutory and constitutional rights based on his treatment while confined. These defendants argued that they should be protected from the suit in their official governmental roles through qualified immunity. The United States District Court for the Eastern District of New York denied the defendants' motion to dismiss and rejected the qualified immunity defense.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit affirmed the district court's rulings on all counts but one for violation of the right to due process. The Second Circuit noted that the actions taken by the government occurred in the immediate aftermath of September 11th and therefore created a unique context in which Iqbal's claims had to be reviewed. Even with these circumstances, however, the court felt that the qualified immunity defense could protect the government only from the due process claim. The "serious allegations of gross mistreatment" were enough to sustain the remaining counts.


Now, here is the sole issue presented:
Are governmental officers acting in their official capacities protected by the defense of qualified immunity in a claim brought by a former prison inmate, arrested in the immediate aftermath of September 11, alleging gross treatment and violations of his constitutional rights while confined?


My Inclination:
Discretionary function immunity, e.g., a qualified immunity afforded to state actors performing tasks within the scope of their employment, will be deemed to be broad enough to shield the officers from liability. While we can go back-n-forth on the merits of the constitutional claim, this is a claim for money damages from someone roughed up. Given that there's no body, then I really think that the unspoken policy of keeping the 9/11 police-state genie in the bottle, without legal scrutiny or accountability, will continue. Esp. with this court. What sayeth the masses?

Challenging global warming concensus is "healthy"

So spaketh Fredd Hiatt, the Washington Post ombudsman in response to George Will's factually inaccurate article on global warming. In case you weren't aware, about three weeks ago the pusillanimous Will "cited" a scientific think tank for the proposition that global warming doesn't exist. The only problem is, they never said that; in fact, their conclusions were to the diatemetric contrary. So, having been busted lying, and being rightly slammed throughout the responsible world, Will did not in fact let the issue die...instead, he's publishing another denial story tomorrow.

Enter Fred Hiatt, the Post personal responsible for up- or- downing articles of dubious merit. He permitted the first one, even though fact-checking revealed it to be false, and now he's permitting the second on the grounds that "Do I think it’s somehow dangerous to have one of our many columnists casting doubt on this consensus? No, I think it’s healthy. And let the other ones come in and slam him, if they think it’s irresponsible. That’s what an opinion page is for.”

But, as is rightly pointed out, George Will may be entitled to his own opinion (and, I would argue he is not entitled to an "opinion" that is directly contraditory to fact; actually, that is called a delusion), but, he most certainly is not entitled to his own facts or empirical reality. Thus, the Post dictates that outright falsity and lying to the American public is healthy.

Wow. Too bad cigarette manufacturers didn't get this memo. Oh, yeah, they did...
And it makes me look cool? Thanks Doc!!