Happy (belated) May Day

Not safe for work...unless you're the boss.

Who's at work? I'm at work...

Aarrrrgggghhhh. Real life. At 6:00 a.m....on Saturday. I shoulda' been a bartender.

Change we can believe in...

While strong on domestic defense and intergalactic terrorism, Optimus Prime's economic package consists solely of having the other Autobots refill energon cubes. While this is decidedly a "green" initiative, it is somewhat limiting in that mortals lack the intellectual wherewithal to determine what "energon" is, how to fill the cubes, and even why this alternative energy source has to be in a cube.

H/T Geekstir

Richard Dawkins...still smarter than me and you

pwned

Today's Hot Nerd...and I mean it!

From the San Diego 2008 Comicon...this lass with very notable assets is purrfect as the Black Cat.

h/t Sodahead

It always was a three-way tie for which Justice left first

Real world kids, and the real world that can affect our lives permanently through its decisions, but the Supreme Court is losing an Associate Justice, David Souter. This Bush I nominee was a gentleman, a scholar, a throwback to legal pads, "the stacks" and nondelegation of his intellectual work product. The affirmed bachelor has always detested DC, preferring the quiet and Luddite charm of his native New England. A true jurisprudential moderate, and an advocate of a living Constitution (though not to the extent of Breyer), he was the portrait of judicial restraint and equanimity.

I worked for a judge in Iowa who is remarkably like Justice Souter.

I always assumed that it would play out as A) Ginsburg leaving this summer after the economic package cleared, B) Stevens would leave after the Oct. 2009 term, owing to his age (88), and that C) Souter would retreat to his loves and his life in '10.

Good luck, Justice Souter.

Things Republicans have done right...Part Two

Zachary Taylor:
Pluses: "Ole Rough and Ready (like all of my gals)" This Tennessean opposed slavery's spread into the new territorities. A decorated field commander, and a true redneck, Taylor defied the Whig platform and otherwise was a true maverick...the Arlen Specter of his day, because no one actually could make sense of his many conflicting positions. Let's hear it for ambiguity. Detested Manifest Destiny.
Minuses: From Tennessee, slaveowner until his death, states' righter, and asserted the US sphere of influence over Latin America.

Millard Fillmore:
Pluses: ummm, one. Began the White House library..
Minuses: Shit, where to start. Appointed Brigham Young as Utah's Governor, sent Adm. Perry to Japan, sold out his State and his party by capitulating to slavery, used feds to hunt down slaves

Abraham Lincoln:
Pluses: If you don't know this one, I can't help you, brother.
Minuses: waffling racist, bad taste in women, wiped his ass on the Constitution, again, if you don't know this stuff, I can't help you.

U.S. Grant:
Pluses: Knew how to scowl with a cigar, was one helluva' field commander and -to other soldiers- comported himself with grace and humility, went after the Klan, signed the post-Civil War, Civil Rights bills
Minuses: Corrupt to his soul, murdered and subdued Indians at an amazing rate and was a fierce colonialist in that respect, saw the downslide of the currency while waffling what to do about it.

Morning Mellow...Moody Blues

Just an absolutely phenomenal song

Real Life...grrrrr

Crappy seminars that waste half of my days make me an angry pumpkin

Hurt. Need. To. Feel.

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

Because you need it, because I need it...Willie Nelson

OG, muthafuckas, OG.

Things Republicans* Have Done Right....Part One

Geo. Wash:
Pluses: Ummm, kicked the Brits' asses? Of course, let's not forget that were England not also engaged in France, and had the wherewithal to quell this lil' uprising, we'd still be having tea and crumpets, heading to the loo, using undergrounds and tubes, stuck with archaic currence, and -of course- driving on the wrong side of the road.
Downers: really treated veterans like shit, engaged more men to quell the Whiskey Rebellion than ever fought against the British at one time, plus, was an elitist aristocratic fucker.

John Adams:
Pluses: Kept us out of the messy French-British war (of course, 12 years later, we would be embroiled with our motherland again). Strengthed national commerce, especially with old Euro powers. Thumbed his nose at the French, but eventually made nice with Napoleon.
Downers: Fierce suppressor of political dissent; the Naturalization & Alien and Sedition Acts will forever earn rightful scorn. Midnight judges, but even that had a bright spot...as we kept John Marshall and later earned judicial review over the actions of the other branches.

Wm. H. Harrison:
Pluses: Died after 32 days in office.
Minuses: Died after 32 days in office, AND your 7th grade teacher made you remember "Ole Tippecanoe and Tyler Too"...a phrase currently taking up valuable mental real estate.

John Tyler:
Pluses: The second of "Ole Tippecanoe", so he's easy to remember. Annexed Texas (if you're into land and empires...or, if you're like me and just into hot latinas). Was the first President to fight off a politcally-motivated impeachment proceeding.
Minuses: Ummm, annexed Texas in a purely shameful land grab. Lost FOUR confirmation hearings for SCOTUS nominees...a record. Supported Polk, who later won, thus firmly cementing the mid-1880s as an Industrial Revolution free-for-all.

Shameful Confession...Eminem

What a complicated man; at times vulgar, profane, violent and unhinged, at others political, funny, witty, introspective with his soul laid bare for all to see. I do like Eminem for these reasons, the corpus is impressive, his imprimatur on the music scene palpable, and you absolutely get what you see...for better or worse.

Today's Nerd Hotties: Girls of the ComiCon*

Attractive, but no one quite rocks the neck-chain, gold lycra, steel bikini quite like Carrie Fisher.

It's okay, admit it...you wanted to see it too.

Aeon Flux...a character in my mind that has always been hit or miss: Love 'er or hate 'er...I give this lady props for the hair alone. Not the color, natch, but the obvious time spent in the salon to get this coiffure.

Charlize Theron shows off the definitive Chinese Bob...and a lot of Feria Starry Night.

*Yes, this was in Atlanta (for cultural cross reference, go here). These are from the Raptor Pirate's trip to Dragon Con '07, thus I owe him a Beck's for doing the dirty work so I don't have to.

I am very worried about my readership

So, about 300 of you come here a day...with about 75 new folks per day. How folks arrive here is one of the most illuminating, yet terrifying looks into the human psyche that I shall ever be exposed to. Just today, here is how folks found me (Welcome to Omaha, baby! wh00t), in rank order, the Google tells me you were looking for:

1. Dungeons and Dragons Girls
Fellas, you are NOT helping the image of computer and gaming geeks
2. Chinese Enema
WTF? My Euro readers apparently are REALLY into A) the Chinese and B) enemas
3. Girl + Nerd + Fetish
Ok, I can't say anything about this one :)
4. Gillian Anderson + Smoking
Again, nothing for this...it's pretty damned hot
5. "Gothlaw"
I'm supposing these are random folks that see my car cruising around the O
6. Gothic + Lawyers
Ummm, we exist? You found one. My question to YOU is, are you currently represented? Are you solvent? Don't worry about either...we can work around them!
7. Sarah Chalke
Ok...You win. Jesus, I didn't know Canada produced that
8. Fucked up countries
LOL! I guess I need to get back to reviewing countries of the world and explaining why each in turn is a festering shithole
9. Lotus + Enema
See #2 above. WTF is up with Europeans and water up the ass?
10 Fecund Chick
Again, I approve. But, ummm, have you tried "Scoreland"? <--NSFW

I admit it, I like to watch...

Schatten, I say to myself some mornings, just what in the hell is wrong with you that you find it necessary to indulge in the pathos of others? To wade in the deep end of human misery? If I ever have the answer, I'll let you know...It's not because of malicious delight, or really any other reason. Maybe it's just the voyeur in me.

To that end, I give you, Secret Confessions. Here's a random one:

I can not stay faithful to anyone no matter how much I love them. I enjoy sex the most when there is money involved and I mean ALOT of money. I will never have children because I secretly believe I am mentally ill and I do not want to pass it on. I hate myself. I am not happy unless I am the most important person in everyone’s life. I went to rehab when I only smoked weed and now I am an alcoholic and cocaine addict and noone knows. Despite all of this, I am happier than I have ever been.

Maybe reading these is my secret confession?!

So, just how sexy are lawyers?

According to Salary.com, we're only 10th in the sexiest jobs. Behind, of all things, doctors (figures...those assholes), firefighters (?), CEOs (probably not so much these days) and flight attendants (!?!).

Did I mention we get secretaries? If you don't believe me, just ask Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Law.com, did not take the news well. Speaking tongue-in-cheek (of lawyers' salaries), the writers said,

That means lawyers can afford to console their lonesome selves with solo trips to exotic vacation destinations, while poor but charismatic journalists must invite their dazzling dates home to dine on Ramen noodles.

While this may or may not be accurate, I don't really care...I know the truth, and the truth is simple: A whole lot of lawyers are smart, sexy, witty, energetic, by and large deviant, well-learned conversationalists, and are phenomenal in the sack. Take that, flight attendants and journalists and event planners.

Morning militancy: Racist Totalitarian edition

I'm not going to lie, the sudden surge of Rightist racial violence and rhetoric really does not sit very well with me. Seems like every century, we undergo this radicalization based solely on external charateristics of "Other"...color, gender, religion, etc. How many more times must we have this same fight?

F'ed up dreams....Sex and Zombies

If you think this pistol-shaped barbecue grill is random, you should visit my head.

So, I had this bizarre dream. In it, there were zombies, French society-ladies-for-sale, exes, axes, blood and my job...and some of the people from work were zombies, and some were the ladies of the night, and some people from work were axe-wielding friends-turned-zombies, and some exes were both...

Zombies...ugh

Blondes in French maid outfits? Much better

Just. Fucked. Up.

Hmmm, let's rethink pandemic, shall we...

Mexico has now reported 149 deaths from this thing. And the WHO today officially released its report, classifying Mexican Swine Flu as "pandemic alert level 4" (sounds pretty ominous). Nevertheless, I remain optimist, since Tamiflu treats this thing, that First World public health systems will remain on top of it. The rest of the world? Maybe fucked.

Now, Biggles, put her in the comfy chair

In honor of work for the next three days...Confess! Confess! Confess!

Militancy: Quagmire Edition

Global pandemic anyone?

No particular reason Captain Trips is on here.

Let's see, we have global panic over, of all things, the Swine Flu. America has declared a public health emergency, and Google Earth is tracking this thing. Considering this flu has yet to kill anyone, and most persons have mild symptoms, I'm thinking that while the public health response is laudatory, that this very well is just a major crisis hype to get our minds off of the regularly gloom, creeping global depression. But, call me silly.

Why are you looking at me? Is it my fault your borders are leaky, and that the entire First World global economy was built on a Finance-Real Estate-Insurance bubble?

That's just wrong...just wrong.

He looks far more excited about this than the dog does.

Cross-speciation anyone? Yes, it's Newt Gingrinch's worst nightmare: Man doesn't bite dog, man marries dog....to lift a curse. That is almost Sarah Palinesque.

Nerdy Jam: Only the Brits can pull this off

Judoon makes a pretty fly Euro-House mix

Nightmare Fuel

Yeah, kind of like that...only not as funny.*

From the age of about 4 until the present, I've always had nightmares: fantastical beasts, death, isolation, betrayal, treachery, blood and memories, my worst fears turned into the fabric of the night. As I've gotten older their frequency has diminished. Nevertheless, when one does come, it is guaranteed to rattle me for days, and sleep becomes an unwanted physiological need.


*Pic via Eat Liver

Morning Militancy: Woody Guthrie

Chills. Absolute chills.

There is some pain that time cannot heal...

Do they make eye bleach?

This Patrick Swayze-Chippendale-Centaur-Rainbow tattoo is just such a pain. If there is a worse tattoo in existence, I challenge you to find it: from concept to execution to the "dear god, what the fuck IS that?" aesthetic.




*Via Deep Ape's Blog