We are the Champions. That is all

This...is because of....

THIS.

Saturday's Here: The Final Countdown

After 364 days, the rematch between 12-0 Florida and 12-0 Alabama is here. The winner takes the SEC Championship, and will play for the national title. It doesn't get any bigger than this, kids. See y'all tomorrow.

Roll Tide, MF'ers.

Bill Gates hates people

And any other sapient creature with an IQ more advanced than a toadstool. Did you know, that Windows 7 and Microsoft's PR department, have actually pieced together a video describing "launch parties" for this Vista-clone?

I wish I were kidding, but I am not. In a 6 minute display of utter disdain for people, the good folks in Redmond encourage you to pre-install Windows 7, invite the lamest people of all colors, ages and socioeconomic status, and then -whoo hoo- let the "good party" begin by being Windows Tech Support and/or a corporate shill

If someone invited me to this party, I would beat them to death with their computer. I hate all of these people, and death by fire is too kind...

This is the utter contempt with which Microsoft feels towards human beings...

...Behold, the putrescence...

Perhaps Gawker nailed this best when it said:

"Clearly meant to have a lively, "fun" feel, the painful video is so over-the-top bad we thought it first it must be a hoax....this marketing video somehow hits a new low. Maybe it's the way there's an undercurrent of tension and seething disdain even among the hired professional actors, as in this scene, about three minutes into the video"

And Gawker doesn't exaggerate...even a little.  Or, as London's Telegraph states more succinctly "I’m beginning to think that no one involved with Microsoft’s advertising has ever left the house or spoken to a real person."

"‘You know what was great?’ asks Female Computer User One. Yes, we inwardly plead, tell us what was great. ‘It was so informal. Everyone just gathered around the computer in the kitchen.’ Laughs erupt from the user group in a celebration of the Windows^® 7 informality. That sounds great, I wish I was at an informal Windows^® 7 launch party."

This video is so painfully bad, so awkward, so try-too-hard-for-diversity it's nauseating, so mind-boggling terrible, that I can't even describe it. Like "Showgirls" or "Battleship: Earth" this crap is too painful to watch; in the end, you'll pray to unsee it, or retroactively spray bleach into your eyes, or wish for a good bout of amnesia.

Every time you use a Microsoft product, the Nazis win...

PETA: UGA would like you to STFU already....

Really, is it dignified to replace this cute fella (and family pet I add) with a friggin' robot dog?

As has been well documented other places, PETA's latest attention grab is their entreaty to the University of Georgia to replace their beloved UGA mascot with robot dogs...  According to PETA, it is an opportunity to highlight the cruelty of animal breeding.

 

This dog has clearly been subjected to torture and maltreatment...

Ignore, for a moment, that Uga is not a mere mascot; he is a family pet, and his moonlighting gig is to be adored and worshipped by millions of UGA students, fans and alums, as well as dog lovers everythwere. Think for a moment that these dogs have access to world class facilities, health care, and all the love that anyone, or any critter, could ever want...

Seems pretty cruel to me...

Now, on the heels of that bizarro-world, complete disconnect with reality, comes THIS completely batshit PETA ploy...a woman willing her body to various degrees of dismemberment for PETA media-whoring. Among the gems of this "will" are the following....

1. Upon my death, it is my wish that my body be used in a manner that draws attention to needless animal suffering and exploitation.

Oh boy...Exploitation to highlight exploitation. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

a. That the “meat” of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue, to remind the world that the meat of a corpse is all flesh, regardless of whether it comes from a human being or another animal, and that flesh foods are not needed

Maybe not needed, but damned tasty anyway. BTW: Did you know that humans smell like pork?

Pass the sauce...

 

b. That my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products, such as purses, to remind the world that human skin and the skin of other animals is the same and that neither is “fabric” nor needed, and that some skin be tacked up outside the Indian Leather Fair each year to serve as a reminder of the government’s need to abate the suffering of Indian bullocks who, after a life of extreme and involuntary servitude, as I have seen firsthand, are exported all over the world in this form;

Obviously she doesn't live in the Northern Plains, where down, leather and animal hides are the warmest things, indeed the only things, that keep one warm enough to survive.

Yep, animal hides. Completely. Unneccessary. 

Ah, but the hyperbole is just getting warmed up...

d. That one of my eyes be removed, mounted, and delivered to the administrator of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency as a reminder that PETA will continue to be watching the agency until it stops poisoning and torturing animals in useless and cruel experiments; that the other is to be used as PETA sees fit

 

Dear PETA, can I haz extra eye? K Thx. 

XOXOX 

-Alastor Moody

And, as if that weren't weird enough...

h. That one of my thumbs be removed, mounted upwards on a plaque, and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, PETA decides has done the most to promote alternatives to the use and abuse of animals in any area of their exploitation;

i. That one of my thumbs be mounted in a downward position and sent to the person or institution that, in the year of my death or thereabouts, has gone against the changing tide of societal opinion and frightened and hurt animals in some egregious manner

Siskel and Ebert approve of these provisions...

And, it gets weirder and weirder....

f. That my liver be vacuum-packed and shipped, in whole or in part, to France, to there be used in a public appeal to persuade shoppers not to support the vile practice of force-feeding geese and ducks for foie gras;

Did you say liver? I'll bring the fava beans and chianti...

And, lastly, Ms. Newkirk's will directs the following....

k. That anything else be done with my body that PETA believes will serve to draw attention to and so abate the plight of exploited animals. 

I particularly enjoyed this provision. Mainly because PETA, who decries exploitation of animals, has absolutely no qualms about exploiting their fellow human animals. This is an organization that smacks of mysogyny and sexism at every turn, and who -without any sense of irony- gratuitously uses women as props, as attention-grabbing subjects for their tasteless ads, as (if you will pardon the word) puppets and meat for their own gain.

Seriously, PETA, shut the fuck up already.

PETA can place this ad, and decry exploitation, without any sense of irony hitting them in their thick skulls...

 

 

 

Barbaric Patriarchy: Blame Old Testament God

I'm sure this kind of behavior gets more than your bra chunked in the flames...

I have no idea how I cam across it, but I did...so, now you get to share. Women have long railed about historic inequalities: the pay gap, the education gap, the promotion gap, and on and on. However, there is one gap that even the most strident of feminists had probably never heard of...

What I call the "wergild gap". For those unfamiliar, wergild is the "blood price"; that is, the price at which a person's life is valued. Many cultures had this arrangement throughout antiquity, and it still appears in criminal restitution statutes and/or wrongful death suits. The wergild for a slave could be steep, while the blood price for a lord, shah, khan, prince or other nobilitas was often without value, save the perpetrator's own life.

Beowulf has no idea what this "wrongful death" thing is, but he'd be grateful if you'd explain it to his skald.

However, while bouncing around the interwebz the other evening, I came across the most interesting gap in blood price ever...and it's from the Bible, specifically batshit Leviticus...

27:3 And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver...

27:4 And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels. 

Yes, predating the actuaries, Moses and God arranged a nifty little convention whereby the life of a woman (aged 20-60) was worth 40% less than a man. Interesting. Very interesting. As, if you needed any more proof that feminism and or Judiasm/Christianity were incompatible, I think the wergild gap is astonishing, and stands on its own merits.

There's a dammed good reason Moses and the gang are called "Patriarchs"

 

Friday hopes tomorrow the Tide is High

Debbie Harry, a/k/a Blondie, punk goddess cum pop heiress, with 1980s "Tide is High". Some client stuff to do this week, but I can dream about tomorrow's SECCG, can't I?

500th Post!!! Now for your global climate...

Can we please, please start taking global warming seriously?

Anyone who's read "Children of the Ice Age" or "10, 000 BC" knows that about 12-13,000 years ago, there was a rapid ice age that immediately followed a period of rapid heating. This ice age proceeded to cover the northern 1/3rd of the planet with tremendous amounts of ice, and forever changed our planet: It turned North Africa's deserts into lush Edens, made Europe unpassable, gave America's midwest all of Canada's topsoil, permitted some migration of peopl from Siberia into the Americas, spawned a massive die-off of some species, and hastened human evolution in other areas.

Now, for the bad news: This didn't happen over a period of decades or years as was previously thought, it took mere months...and can happen again.

How smug you will you feel when you try to drive your Hummer 2 over the new, improved (and very much frozen) Tennessee River?

 

According to scientists and climatologists at the European Science Foundation and BOREAS,

Now researchers say it surprisingly may have taken place over the course of a few months, or a year or two at most.

"That the climate system can turn on and off that quickly is extremely important," said earth system scientist Henry Mullins at Syracuse University, who did not take part in this research. "Once the tipping point is reached, there would be essentially no opportunity for humans to react."

"If the Greenland ice sheet melted suddenly [as is happening today] it would be catastrophic," he said. 

Now, can we please get serious? We're already at the tipping point, and I have a feeling that good ole Gaia won't let us superheat her critters much longer until she tries to knock us off....

Lest you have any doubts, you should probably respect something that can do this.

 

Thursday blames Jerry for amping me up...

I'm supercharged like a Battery. Thanks Jerry.

Yankee cities not to die in: Philadelphia

Everything you've heard about Philly is true: rude, fat, obnoxious thugs with not a stitch of human decency to be found.

I've been to Philadelphia. Once. I'll never be back. Oh, sure, it's got its historical charm, the Liberty Bell, the Constitution and Constitution Hall, a statue of Rocky, and the worst collection of sports teams ever.  And, it's got what you'd expect:  subhuman mongoloids who typify everything cliche about the American Eastern Seaboard, to wit, obnoxious, indecent, people who cheer misery, despise happiness, are cheerful in their own corpulence whilst walking over the starving homeless.

In short, it's a Yankee city.

 

There's a reason Clubber wanted to kick Rocky's ass...Rocky was probably being a typical Philly dick.

But that's not the sole reason to hate Philly, nor are those things necessarily indicative of reasons to skip this midden shithole. THIS STORY, however, totally typifies Philadelphia:

Rivera complained of feeling pain in his left arm and abdomen, and was told to sit in the waiting area, said police spokesman Lt. Frank Vanore.

At some point during the next hour, Rivera, a longtime bilingual counselor at Olney High School, lost consciousness. He inadvertently became a target, Vanore said, to three other people in the waiting room - a black woman, a 30-something, 5-foot-8 black man in dark pants who limped, and a second man, who was later arrested at the hospital and identified as Richard Alten, 44.

Alten signed up to be seen by a doctor, while his two cohorts sat near Rivera. "At some point, [Alten] is observed taking the victim's watch and passing it to the other man," Vanore said.

Yes, good ole' Philly, leave a man --who's having an obvious heart attack-- to wait in an E.R. for over an hour. In the meanwhile, some of Philadelphia's other upstanding citizens fucking rob him...in broad daylight...in a hospital...and no one stops it. Yes, Philly, you are a truly miserable flea on the asshole of humanity.

 

Remember, Philadelphia Trash is not just a service, it's an adjective.

In the "waste of ass" department

 I promise, you didn't need help...

Today's sad news comes to us from the world of Frankenpoon. Former Ms. Argentina Solange Magnano died at the age of 37, arising from surgical complications. Hers were not medically necessary surgeries, rather, in her quest to become/stay more world-class hot than she already was, Ms. Magnano went under the knife for plastic surgery.

 

I see now; she did need some work *rolls eyes*

Why would one of the world's most beautiful women go under the blade? Tummy tuck? Nose job? Tighten the jaw line? Do some eye lifting? Nope, Solange Magnano went under the knife for some ghastly thing called "buttock augmentation", a medieval-sounding surgery that is, I imagine, designed to add more boom to the bunda.  What an absolute waste.

Remember, ladies, when you're christdamned attractive, just thank the gods, and don't tinker with their handiwork: plastic surgery is still surgery.

 

 

Wednesday Vows to get stuff done...

With a little help from the Brooklyn-based Beastie Boys.

THEY HAVE NO SOOOOUUUULLLLLSSS

Creepy...and has no soul

Good ole' South Park, progenitor of a thousand phenomenal cultural memes. Alas, not all are excellent, such as "Ginger Attacks!" because they have no soul...and are creepy. Neither of these statements are true (but are still funny), although the ramifications are true. Some 11 year old knuckleheads out in LA started a "kick the ginger day", and assaulted other children because they were pasty redheads.

 

Maybe she deserved it for reasons totally unrelated to being pasty, creepy and having no soul?

Rather than kick these kids' asses, and beat the hooliganism out of them, what is the reaction from administrators? Ummmm....sensitivity and tolerance training.  In other words, the response is a predictable, do-nothing exercise where a bunch of touchy-feely, empathy facists are going to explain to kids what they already know:

1. It's wrong to hit people because of physical traits

2. Gingers are just kids with red hair

3. Television is not reality

Hint: This is not a real parakeet.

As appalling as the attacks were, the "adult" response is worse. What ever happened to kids getting their ass kicked when they acted like little monsters? It seemed pretty effective for thousands of thousands of years. I'm not talking about child abuse, I'm talking about an otherwise normal kid taking shit too far, and acting like a hellion. In those instances, a good old fashion ass-kicking seemed to be pretty effective. Now, though, we are raising a generation of pussies who are simultaneously bullies, because there are no repercussions and all they get is "education" and "time outs".

Lest you have any doubts, Alex and the Droogies got put in timeout and received "sensitivity training" rather than getting an old school, wrath of God, ass-beating.

Tuesday has an "Enemy"

Seriously, this week is filled with ridonkulous hate for all things Florida. Good thing Static X has me covered with "The Enemy"

Chorus go now:

Tear
I'll shut you up

Down, down, down
I'll destroy you
Kill or be killed
Down, down, down
You've become the enemy
Enemy 

 

Reality kicking me in the teeth

For now, enjoy the buildup the -OMGZ!!!- Game of The Young Century. Since last year's SECCG, it has been ordained that #2 Alabama will meet #1 Florida for the de facto national title...the Winner gets the Conference Title, and goes to Pasadena to all-but certainly play the Texas Longhorns for the Crystal Trophy.

Monday says "Back to Real Life"

Real Life, of course, being the Australian one-hit wonder best known for their hypnotic, and still very cool, 1983 track "Send me an Angel"

Viva cheesy '80s technosynth!

The video Cannibal Corpse doesn't want you to see...

Back in the salad days, Cannibal Corpse looked a lot more respectable. And smiled a lot. And liked Indians. And featured women who were actually not dismembered.

Achromiaphobia: Creepy, but not murder-worthy

A happy family of loving children, or miniature, ashen harbingers of death?

I think you know where I come down. 

I am scientifically trained, and even possess a Masters degree in hard sciences. I understand, especially, the biological sciences, and was alos trained as a counselor. So, when you speak to me of recessive genes expressing themselves as phenotypic characteristics, I get it. Likewise, when you describe a "phobia" as being a persistent, and irrational fear, I understand that as well.

But, I don't care. I am scared of albinos.

Nature's warning sign for creepy.

Albinisim, or Achromia, is actually a fairly simple process to explain: It's a recessive gene that expresses itself as a complete lack of pigmentation: hair, eyes, skin. When one parent carries it, no big deal, when both are carriers, then you get an albino.  There are several stereotypes among human albinos: sterility, retardation, inbreeding and the typical gamut you'd expect from a fear/loathing based solely on physical characteristics.

 

 I don't think  anyone who wears grass, has to run from lions, and lives in a hut is qualified to help me turn my fortunes around...

And, even though I have an irrational fear of something that these people cannot help, I have not gone as far as Witch Doctors in Burundi and Tanzania....

It's the 21st Century, can we abandon witch doctors, please? Kthxbai.

In East African nations, notably Tanzania,  over 40 albinos have been murdered the past year so that Witch Doctors can use their limbs, genitals and other body parts to make "good luck" charms. As if this weren't disgusting enough, as Al Jazeera notes above, in nations like Burundi, the illicit trade of albino parts has family members killing one another for a few hundred dollars. And, according to this Y article, a complete dismembered albino corpse can fetch $75,000 on the black market.

  

Have you seen my red-eyed, beaked penis? 

I think I'm going to have to put aside whatever inherent creepiness I find in albinos. It is that mentality, physical differences as destiny, that have made these poor people -already in a shitty life- have to abandon their friends, family and homes to make a new life in communes where they are accepted, and not hunted down like elephants, tigers, rhinos and whatever-the-fuck-else makes an alleged magical poultice these days.

Soo, ummm....

Give me a hug big guy, I'm turning over a new leaf....

Sunday can't believe this used to be Faster Pussycat

The Newlydeads, live at London's Hammersmith-Odeum. While "Skin Tight Skin" is interesting in itself, it's not as interesting as the story behind the band.

This gothic-industrial band was founded in 1997 by Faster Pussycat's bassist Taime Downe, also at various times members of that hairspray band were numbered among the Newlydeads: guitarist Xristian Simon, bassist Danny Nordahl, and drummer Chad Stewart. While not catching fire like NIN for instance, they have been featured on several Cleopatra compilations, and do outstanding covers (particularly of that band, as well as the Doors).

One of these is not like the other...

 

Viva, change!