Awww, hey there little buddy...ARAGRARAGGGGHGHGHGHH!!

Awww, look at him. His little face, pink noes and cute little ears. Don't you just want to wurzzle him?

I'd advise against it, if I were you, actually. We all know ferrets. The cute little weasels that disaffected stoners always seem to have. They are smart, highly trainable, and, of course, prone to theft...even without encouragement. My best friend and band-mate had one that was trained to steal people's keys, hide them. Then, whilst attention was diverted, would steal their pot.  What a great elongated rat.

 Seriously, look at his widdle whiskers.

But, that's just what they are, these cut little ferrets. They're weasels. And weasels are nothing more than intelligent, elongated, and cute rats. 

And, as we all know, rats can be absolutely vicious when provoked, or hungry. Or, really, for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact they're kind of dicks.

Just like the rat and weasel, ferrets too can have their violent, dickish downside. Case in point, from Missouri (of course)

A 4-month-old baby boy from Grain Valley, Missouri, was in critical condition after a family pet ferret ate seven of the infant's fingers, 

The mother was awakened at 2:30 a.m. Monday to her baby's crying, and she awakened her husband with screams upon discovering what happened, Ambrose said.

The dad killed the pet by hurling it across the house, Ambrose said.

The baby now has only two thumbs and a partial pinkie, the chief said. The ferret was about six months old, a police report said.

A necropsy is being performed on the ferret to examine its stomach contents and determine whether the animal had rabies, Ambrose said.

You can't joke about the maiming of a small infant. And, fortunately, things can be done for the child, such as taking the toes, elongating them, and re-attaching them as fingers (would you rather have orthotic shoes or hands?). But, it is once again a reminder that wild animals are just that...wild. We've spent the better part of 35,000 years trying to domesticate the dog, and even then it backfires horribly when they get all wolfy and do what predators are meant to do.

No different from the ferret.

Best just stick with a puppy for now, new parents.

-d.s.