Infidelity can not only be fun, but can be awkwardly funny.

Saw this on Cracked, from an older post of Consumption Junction, and -while Joey Del Greco is a world class Twat Waffle- this video is pure excellence.

Even the Punisher is jealous of how much ass this kicks.

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Today's Hot Nerd: Caped Crusader...

 

This is pure victory. Fan Boys rejoice!

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South Dakota: The land that science forsook

I've dumped on Missouri many, many times as my second-least favorite state in the union. Number 1, is and shall remain, the State of South Dakota. This god-forsaken banana republic is run by a cadre of ill-educated, xenophobic, racist, theocratic boobs.

 

The only good thing to come out of this shithole were the tribes who slaughtered Custer's illegitimate band of terrorists.

This most recent bill, in essence denying climatic change, is but one illustration of the typical South Dakotan mindset:

  WHEREAS, carbon dioxide is not a pollutant but rather a highly beneficial ingredient for all plant life on earth. Many scientists refer to carbon dioxide as "the gas of life"; and... 
NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, by the House of Representatives of the Eighty-fifth Legislature of the State of South Dakota, the Senate concurring therein, that the South Dakota Legislature urges that instruction in the public schools relating to global warming include the following:

            (1)    That global warming is a scientific theory rather than a proven fact;

            (2)    That there are a variety of climatological, meteorological, astrological, thermological, cosmological, and ecological dynamics that can effect world weather phenomena and that the significance and interrelativity of these factors is largely speculative; and

            (3)    That the debate on global warming has subsumed political and philosophical viewpoints which have complicated and prejudiced the scientific investigation of global warming phenomena; and

    BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, that the Legislature urges that all instruction on the theory of global warming be appropriate to the age and academic development of the student and to the prevailing classroom circumstances.

That's a great piece of writing: Cosmology and Astrology influence climate? This is one of the least intelligent, shoddily written, pieces of shit to come out of a state besotted by Fox News mentality and reasoning. That's a great fucking job there, guys. But, I applaud it, and think it needs to go further. I propose that we start teaching the following as well...

Phrenology

I do believe there is something to this whole "criminals have sloping brows" theory....

Birth Order Theory

 

Those damned middle kids are always so ambitious...

Alchemy

  
 

As a "science" it's definitely been around longer than climatology. Now, where's my phlogiston?

Divination

  

 C'mon, if we're willing to concede that astrological factors are important in climate research, then the Tarot Deck is a valid instrument for those purposes.

Eugenics...\really, what could go wrong?

  Besides that...

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with that state, those people and that entire vacuum of intellect, but -even from Omaha- I think they are way the hell too close to me, and I can't wait to escape all of these imbecilic, shitty, landlocked states and the people that populate them.

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TGIF...among other things...

I'm also grateful for the occasional obnoxious death metal song. This is by far one of my favorites (and, before I'd go to court or take an exam in law school,  it featured prominently on my laptop/iPod/car stereo).

Ridiculous, but for some reason, I do love this song...

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Pedobear/John Edwards can get behind this...

According to a French researcher (e.g., libertine), marriages flourish when the wife is at least 5 years younger than the husband.*

That's pretty hot...so, tell me, are you marriageable?

I can honestly say that my first marriage did not work out that way, although, according to the researchers, it was destined to succeed: The wife was 27% smarter than me, and I was 5 years older. Of course, the esteemed scientist did not count on knocking up a man-hating lesbian who loathed men with the wrath of a thousand suns, nor did they count on the person (of alleged 20% greater raw intelligence), being married to someone who was -objectively- a friggin' genius. So, there are a few confounds....

Nor, apparently, did they account for my "it's all pink" Blitzkrieg strategy....

All that said, I wonder what the same researcher would think of the research demonstrating the wonders of an occasional extra-marital romp in the sack? The "money shot", as it were, is this line:

“young women in love” must “understand that mono-gamy sometimes conspires against a lasting relationship”...“Men dream of sex,” she says, but are able to separate sex from love more easily than women. “Some men,” she goes on, “can spend the afternoon in a hotel with their mistress and come home to dinner with the family without any feelings of guilt.” According to Vaillant, obsessive fidelity is as much of a plague in a marriage as serial infidelity

A-Freakin'-Men.

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Money: Wherein I discover very bad things about my partner

 

Awww, lookit how cute we are. Hard to believe that she could turn into a rage harpy, isn't it?

Holy and Shit. This morning, I woke up, and then proceeded to get the Monkey up about 2 hours later. We have been dealing with an exceptionally recalcitrant malpractice insurance company who has taken it upon themselves to -instead of invoicing us- directly bill quarterly installments of our premium in monthly increments...directly to her credit card.

  

Like this...only with more anger, longer claws, and more offal dripping from sharpened teeth.

 

Needless to say, this was imputed as all my fault (yes, it's frustrating, and no I had no idea, and yes I did everything to make it stop). But, I discovered a terrifying, angry side of her that I never want to see...and one which secretly (or not so) makes me truly believe that of the many things that her family could have fucked her up over, perhaps none was effectuated quite so angrily, violently and reactionary as her countenance when confronted the prospect of debt.

 

I wholly blame her fucked up capitalist upbringing and her Victorian notions that owing money is a moral offense. That's capitalism at it's heart. Of course, had she read Das Kapital, she'd know that the system simultaneously imprisons you and then makes you feel bad about it.

Sigh.

All I know, is that I'm staying well the fuck out of her way. Admittedly, that may make me a pussy, but it also equally speaks to the exceptional vitriol she can summon before she's even had her first cup of coffee...

 

Sorry, baby...I tried, and have been trying. Please go sacrifice small puppies elsewhere.

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Thursday is moonstruck

Full moons and new moons always screw with my -already negligible- sleep. Not sure why. I think I'm just exceptionally sensitive to tidal flows and seismic events (when we had a 3.3. earthquake, 300 miles away, all night I felt weird and couldn't sleep). I don't think it's uncommon. For instance, Lux Interior, in the Cramp's confessional I was a teenage werewolf apparently has similar problems.

Show proper deference to the legendary Cramps. It is very safe to say that without the duo of Lux Interior and Poison Ivy, the current pyschobilly trend would not even exist.

Requiem Aeternum, Lux.

 

You had to know, upon mentioning psychobilly, that I would give you a bonus Patricia Day picture. Viva Horrorpops!

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And, he's back...with dick jokes.

Back from my week and half sabbatical to prepare for my probable move to Hawaii. Even though we returned 4-5 days ago, I've been waylaid by some Hamthrax picked up on any one of the 6 flights, over 11 miles, and lasting 26 hours.

Tomorrow, will return with a full slate of goodness. Until then, enjoy the funniest two minutes of dick jokes/blow job humor I've seen in a while. Via CollegeHumor.Com.

BTW: Likely, but not necessarily, NSFW

"You are soooo kinky...."

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