Another day, another psychotic cop

Ho hum...this time, a 31 y.o. "officer", tasked with protecting and serving the people of Seattle, instead decided that the appropriate response to a 15 y.o.'s personal verbal attacks was to kick her in the stomach, slam her into the wall, slam her face into floor, jam his knees into her back and jerk her around by the hair.

Yea, that's proportional.

Also this particular "officer" had previously shot and killed an unarmed, mentally ill man.



Ed. Note: Apparently he can't drive...returning soldiers had to save his life after Schene almost crashed into a Denny's, but instead smashed into a wall, igniting his vehicle and costing the City thousands. Dep. Paul Schene, the City salutes your efforts.

Devil's Dictionary: Finish (though not Finnish) A's

As always, so witty it burns:

ALLIANCE, n.

In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

AMNESTY, n.

The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

ANOINT, v.t.

To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

APHORISM, n.

Predigested wisdom.

APOLOGIZE, v.i.

To lay the foundation for a future offence.

APPEAL, v.t.

In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

ARDOR, n.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

ASPERSE, v.t.

Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

Let's play, "You're the ACLU lawyer"

Ok, here are the facts:

In the aftermath of September 11th, the FBI arrested thousands of Arab Muslim men as part of its investigation into the attacks. One of these men, Javaid Iqbal, was classified as being a "high interest" detainee at the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, New York. Iqbal claims that during his detention he was segregated from the rest of the prison population and mistreated in several ways, including confinement to a cell for 23 hours a day where he had blinding light shone on him constantly and air conditioning pumped into the cell even during the winter months. After being released, Iqbal brought a suit against representatives of the Department of Justice, Bureau of Prisons, and FBI alleging 21 violations of his statutory and constitutional rights based on his treatment while confined. These defendants argued that they should be protected from the suit in their official governmental roles through qualified immunity. The United States District Court for the Eastern District of New York denied the defendants' motion to dismiss and rejected the qualified immunity defense.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit affirmed the district court's rulings on all counts but one for violation of the right to due process. The Second Circuit noted that the actions taken by the government occurred in the immediate aftermath of September 11th and therefore created a unique context in which Iqbal's claims had to be reviewed. Even with these circumstances, however, the court felt that the qualified immunity defense could protect the government only from the due process claim. The "serious allegations of gross mistreatment" were enough to sustain the remaining counts.

Now, here is the sole issue presented:

Are governmental officers acting in their official capacities protected by the defense of qualified immunity in a claim brought by a former prison inmate, arrested in the immediate aftermath of September 11, alleging gross treatment and violations of his constitutional rights while confined?

My Inclination:
Discretionary function immunity, e.g., a qualified immunity afforded to state actors performing tasks within the scope of their employment, will be deemed to be broad enough to shield the officers from liability. While we can go back-n-forth on the merits of the constitutional claim, this is a claim for money damages from someone roughed up. Given that there's no body, then I really think that the unspoken policy of keeping the 9/11 police-state genie in the bottle, without legal scrutiny or accountability, will continue. Esp. with this court. What sayeth the masses?

Nerd Hottie, Holy Grail Edition: Janeane Garafolo

Simply put, this outspoken actress, comedienne, activist and politico damn near invented the concept of Nerd Sexy. She is, and remains, the gold standard by which all other nerd hotties are measured.

Challenging global warming concensus is "healthy"

So spaketh Fredd Hiatt, the Washington Post ombudsman in response to George Will's factually inaccurate article on global warming. In case you weren't aware, about three weeks ago the pusillanimous Will "cited" a scientific think tank for the proposition that global warming doesn't exist. The only problem is, they never said that; in fact, their conclusions were to the diatemetric contrary. So, having been busted lying, and being rightly slammed throughout the responsible world, Will did not in fact let the issue die...instead, he's publishing another denial story tomorrow.

Enter Fred Hiatt, the Post personal responsible for up- or- downing articles of dubious merit. He permitted the first one, even though fact-checking revealed it to be false, and now he's permitting the second on the grounds that "Do I think it’s somehow dangerous to have one of our many columnists casting doubt on this consensus? No, I think it’s healthy. And let the other ones come in and slam him, if they think it’s irresponsible. That’s what an opinion page is for.”

But, as is rightly pointed out, George Will may be entitled to his own opinion (and, I would argue he is not entitled to an "opinion" that is directly contraditory to fact; actually, that is called a delusion), but, he most certainly is not entitled to his own facts or empirical reality. Thus, the Post dictates that outright falsity and lying to the American public is healthy.

Wow. Too bad cigarette manufacturers didn't get this memo. Oh, yeah, they did...

And it makes me look cool? Thanks Doc!!

Eat Mor Chikn, MF'ers

I dare you not to laugh at a guy in a Chik-Fil-A Cow suit getting his ass kicked.

*Via EDSBS

Octo-Mom: There's fecund, then there's HOLY SHIT

This woman is nauseating. I could rant about her $1.5 million crib while being on the dole, or her misguided notion that IVF tissues are somehow fetuses, which are somehow sentient, which are somehow babies, or the irresponsible doc that fertilized her when she was already unemployed with six (count 'em, hombre 1-2-3-4-5-6) kids.

But I won't...Instead I will just say, take a gander at this.

I know I like 'em fecund, but holy hell?!

Via TMZ

Today's Nerd Hottie: Smoking hot (literally) Gillian Anderson

Very few have mastered the intersection between seduction and brawny gray matter like Gillian Anderson.

The fact that she likes to be domineering isn't a turn on. Nope. Not at all.

Perfect.

BONUS: Smoking hot pregnant nerd!

Anyone that knows me, knows how attractive I find fecund women, and especially pregnant women. Nothing in this photo convinces me otherwise.

Devil's Dictionary: A's Cont'd

Take it away, Mr. Bierce..Also available for mere pittance at Amazon

ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t.

To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

ACQUAINTANCE, n.

A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

ACTUALLY, adv.

Perhaps; possibly.

ADHERENT, n.

A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

ADVICE, n.

The smallest current coin.

AIR, n.

A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

ALDERMAN, n.

An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

Damn you reality, daaaammmnnn yooouuu!

Who are you calling crazy?

The Snot Fairy has really kicked in full-bore, dusting me with her mucous wand and dry cough sprinkles. And I'm busy as hell. All-in-all I think I'd rather it be Monday.

An under-reported, but very, very welcome story:

Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri, the alleged Al Qaeda "sleeper agent" in the United States was indicted today. That's right, an indictment, where grand jurors determine probable cause, and detainees actually face real charges in the system, and -GASP!- can actually challenge their detention as unlawful (thanks Boumediene!)

This is a far, far different cry from rounding people up and secretly arresting them, without charges (or really any reason other than their skin color, belief system, nationality or because the Pretzelnit said so) to face indefinite detention, torture and abuse in "black" prisons in Eastern Europe, Gitmo and Diego Garcia.

The rule of law is back to our constitutional republic, people. Drinks on me.

I love Groenendaels, but....

I love Belgian Shepherds, particularly the Groenendaels. I have one, he's five years old, named Haldir. But, even I, as much as I love my puppy wuppy can't fathom FOUR of them at once. 70 pounds of muscle, teeth, mischief and intellect is quite enough, thank you, without taking on almost three hundred pounds of them!

So, what's for dinner?

Devil's Dictionary: Some A's

In my perpetual quest to bring back the wisdom of antiquity, I'm dusting off the Ambrose Bierce, the acerbic author and journalist most notorious for The Devil's Dictionary. Here are some A's.

ABSTAINER, n.

A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

ABSURDITY, n.

A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

ACADEME, n.

An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

ACCOUNTABILITY, n.

The mother of caution.

ACCUSE, v.t.

To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

Wow, talk about targeted spamming

Got this header in my Gmail Spam folder, and it made me laugh: "Hot farm girls: Do you want to join them in the corn fileds [sic]"

Well, at least they are geographically specific, and it is effective. What else would prompt me to open a known porn spam email?

And, along those lines, I wonder if folks in Malibu get spam that reads "You don't want to know what they do with the tuna" or if people in Denver get crap reading "Steamy young p****y, mile high style". What does West Virginia's say? "She said daddy was the best...then you came, and came and came".

Whatever happened to boxcar derbies?

No, thank you, I do not need my axles greased.

The Trainwreck: Bobby "Mr. Rogers" Jindal's Speech

"My Dad said to me, 'Bobby, in America they like their speech patterns in trochee and their fascism wrapped in folksy, brain-dead anecdotes'."

Want to look at hot nerds? Me too: Julia Roy

Don't ask me what I think about girls in glasses. It's probably better that way.

Meet Ms. Julia Roy, a sexy blogger and welebrity*. This unimposing, gazelle-like cutie is a self-proclaimed "geek" and once auctioned herself off on eBay.

You can buy the darnedest things on eBay these days.

Nota Benne: This is the "JFL", made ever-so popular by Paris Hilton. Ms. Roy doesn't look like a tired slut when she does it, though.

* Yea, I had to Google that word too. Thank god for the Urban Dictionary. And Google for that matter.

SEC quick hitters: 'Cuz that's really the only place football is played

Ole Miss. Remember them? You know, they signed 37 FREAKIN' PLAYERS (as opposed to the normal 25.). This means that -yea- they're going to have to start seriously chopping down the roster, grayshirting, hoping that some kids get medical schollies, some kids are academic casualties, etc. Well, two more bit the dust yesterday via the ever-popular being "dismissed for violation of team rules". And, for the record, I am not necessarily critizing the practice either. There is a good argument to be made (but it's for another time) that scholarships are ONE YEAR shots, and you have to keep earning your free education, or, that just like a tight job market, knuckleheads and disciplinary cases forfeit their spot to better citizens, ore useful to the programs. In the meanwhile, check out the excellent Ole Miss Blog, the Red Solo Cup.

Vanderbilt. Does anyone really care about Vandy? Nope, me neither. That said, Bruce Fowler, the 'Dores Defensive Coordinator was allegedly promoted to something called "assistant head coach in charge of defense". Cuz', you know that's really different from a regular ole' defensive coordinator, who usually is an assistant head coach and is, by definition in charge of the defense But, hell, it's Vandy: they don't have an Athletics Department, but do have a blog? WTF?!

Meanwhile, in God's Crimson-Colored Country: Our players are, by and large, sucking at the NFL Combine. Glen Coffee, a great powerback in college, is running slow as molasses and Andre Smith (man crush alert) has apparently decided that his Sugar Bowl agent footsie wasn't quite good enough...he's going to just skip the combine without telling anyone. Nice job there. The bright spot appears to be Rashad Johnson, and -I'm assuming, since it is so quiet, Antoine Caldwell. On the domestic front, no news is good news: e.g., no arrests, suspensions, etc, and everyone seems to be on the mend, except for poor ole' Roy Upchurch who is looking like a good candidate for Medical Scholarship. And, yes, there are a shitload of Alabama Blogs.

And, at the 'Barn: Deciding that it's not good enough to just name one shitty quarterback and get them to suck throughout the entire Spring, Auburn head coach, and avowed pudding lovers, Guz Malzahn and Gene "I love God more than Mark Richt does" Chizik have declared the quarterback race to be wide open. Excellent, split snaps between two lackwits learning a new offense is a recipe for teh FAIL! muhahahaha. Seriously, Jerry at the Joe Cribbs' Car Wash does a nice job.

Stop me...quickly!!!!

This is my cry for help. Won't you, won't anyone, please help me?!

Stop me before I do something rash: I am debating on going and buying another bag of Circus Peanuts(tm) by Spangler(r). These are sooo disgusting, sooo vile, yet sooo addictive. I will, literally, eat bags of these things. I've polished off three bags in six days already, to the detriment of my bowels, hair, teeth, pallor and mental health.

Brilliant Web Site

You know the drill...

One of the most brilliant websites evahz!1 ... every South Park, in a streaming vector format, DVD quality, crisp audio and episode synopses: South Park Studios. Go there now, minion...Respect mah' authoritah!

Republicans eating their young

Sen. Jim Bunning (Dipshit-KY), he who was politicking about the death of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, has been the subject of a scrutinized primary run. And the KY GOP is inclined to leave him twisting in the wind. The result? He's suing his own party...even though he has a meagre $150K in the bank (literally pittance for a Senate election, esp. one coming up in 2010).

Surprising absolutely no one: Jindal tries to take a page from Obama's 2004 playbook and bungles it badly.

It's pretty bad when folks liken your delivery as that of an impatient person reading children's stories to disinterested three year-olds. It's worse when even FauxNews Nutwork bags on you.

BRIT HUME: It read better than it sounded…this was not Bobby Jindal’s greatest rhetorical moment.

NINA EASTON: The delivery was not terrific.

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER: Jindal didn’t have a chance.

JUAN WILLIAMS: Childish.

But, the most painful moment came when conservative pundit, and well-respected WingNut David Brooks, absolutely demolished Jindal on PBS:

JIM LEHRER: Now that, of course, was Gov. Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, making the Republican response. David, how well do you think he did?

DAVID BROOKS: Uh, not so well. You know, I think Bobby Jindal is a very promising politician, and I oppose the stimulus because I thought it was poorly drafted. But to come up at this moment in history with a stale "government is the problem," "we can't trust the federal government" - it's just a disaster for the Republican Party. The country is in a panic right now. They may not like the way the Democrats have passed the stimulus bill, but that idea that we're just gonna - that government is going to have no role, the federal government has no role in this, that - In a moment when only the federal government is actually big enough to do stuff, to just ignore all that and just say "government is the problem, corruption, earmarks, wasteful spending," it's just a form of nihilism. It's just not where the country is, it's not where the future of the country is. There's an intra-Republican debate. Some people say the Republican Party lost its way because they got too moderate. Some people say they got too weird or too conservative. He thinks they got too moderate, and so he's making that case. I think it's insane, and I just think it's a disaster for the party. I just think it's unfortunate right now.

Can you say "Goodbye, 2012 GOP Nomination"? I can't wait to watch Palin and this asshat duke it out in what is sure to be tragi-comi-farce!

Ed: These are the rest of the Krauthammer and Williams' quotes, via ThinkProgress:

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER: “Jindal didn’t have a chance. He follows Obama, who in making speeches, is in a league of his own. He’s in a Reagan-esque league. … [Jindal] tried the best he could.”

JUAN WILLIAMS: “It came off as amateurish, and even the tempo in which he spoke was sing-songy. He was telling stories that seemed very simplistic and almost childish.”

Today's Hot Nerd Chick: Tina Fey

Burlesque is always sexy

Ms. Fey is absolutely everything that I find sexy about nerd chicks. Beyond the obvious and well-endowed physical attractiveness, Fey is wickedly clever, hella' talented, quirky and possesses a good sense of humor about herself and the world around her. Put that together, and you have sex appeal.

Bend over Governor Palin...for satire. It is a gross insult to put that Alaskan skank in this talented woman's category.

Today's agenda, finish that damned summary judgment, then crank out Part Two of the bizarre Ft. Sill, Geronimo, Skull n Bones lawsuit.

Make room SlapChop and Flowbee for Japanese Man Thong

Let me say from the outset that I am horrified by these:

Leave it to the Japanese. God bless 'em

This is a product for persons with no sense of aesthetics. A product that takes the "tenders" and elevates the male form to a grotesquery of bulge; an elevation of testicular suspension and torsion heretofore unknown outside of German BDSM films.*

That said, I am strangely awed by the contraption...a large, vagina-shaped, neon-colored, lycra nut-hugger which is thoughtfully suspended around one's neck, following the nipples and male erogenous zones, and terminates with a snuggling/smashing of the family jewels.

Sometimes, I just want to feel sexy, y'know?

Unlike a woman's thong, which artfully accentuates the feminine waistline and buttocks, smooths the tummy, hints at the mons d'amor, and otherwise screams "procreation or bust!!!", the man thong is a foul pollution of the birthing act...a latex-banded vagina dentata. Yet, it is so freakish, so garish to look at -akin to med students watching their first autopsy or those maniacs who watch the more ghoulish episodes of CourtTV- that I just can't turn away: I'm mesmerized and must have a pair.

One final caveat for the fellas, though: Just because it comes in your size, doesn't mean you should or can wear it.

Can I get a spatula with that?

*I have noooo idea where that metaphor came from. None. And, any suggestion to the contrary is character assassination, you pervert.

I don't know how I was blithely unaware of MXC

I'm a believer now, though. This shit is hilarious.

So, is conservative playcalling necessarily a detriment?

Orson, over at EDSBS, posted an interesting quick hitter from one of my favorite sites, SmartFootball. This excellent post at SF discusses the common strategy of conservative playcalling versus a wide-open attack which features more passing. This wizard concludes, with his usual empirical basis and cogent analysis, that:

1. More talent-laden programs (e.g., the traditional powers who get the best players: Texas, Oklahoma, USC, Oh. State, Alabama, etc.) are better off, as conventional wisdom suggests, with a more conservative play-calling strategy; one that optimizes a balanced attack, neither relying on the run or the pass too heavily. If you look at Alabama (all run) and Oklahoma (all pass) this year, this is borne out. While successful, in the respective biggest games (OU = Texas and Florida and Alabama = Florida and Utah), both teams fell short when it mattered most.
2. While, yes, throwing more increases your chances of blowing teams out, the regression to the mean indicates that a team who's too wide open actually makes more mistakes and score fewer points than a conservative or balanced approach.

Charts MF'er! Charts! I told you he was smart

All in all, just a wonderful piece. I recommend not only this post, but nearly everything on that fine site.

Go here! Do it! Now!

Hot Nerd Du Jour: Emma Pierson

This British Small Screen Siren specializes in playing nerdy girl-next-door types. I never had a neighbor that looked like this.

Hit in the balls? Sure, I'd love to...

I've seen some truly messed up Japanese game shows, but this one -predicated wholly on performing a tongue twister at the risk of one's testicles- absolutely takes the cake

Term Limits for Supreme Court Justices?

So, thirty-three law professors and scholars, from both sides of the political spectrum, think that term limits might be a decent idea for the Supreme Court (and, presumably, other members of the federal bench).

I need to think about this, but perhaps -at first blush- it wouldn't be so awful an idea to make the imperial bench actually have to inhabit the (very fucked up) world that they have created over the past 15 years. Very interesting notion, at the least.

Interesting read, here.

This just in...Summary Judgment sucks

Real life intrudes. Damn you reality! DAMN YOU!!!

Goth chicks are, by definition, nerdy chicks: Suicide Girl, Scar13

Not for nothing does my license plate read "Gothlaw"

Meet Nigel Haskett: Hero

Can I get a fuck job with that Happy Meal?

Meet Nigel Haskett, enlistee of the U.S. military, hard-working lower class kid, and a goddammed hero. He's a good looking kid right? His whole world laid before him like a ribbon of desert highway. No limits besides what his talent, hard work, ingenuity and the occasional break can yield for him, right?

Wrong. See, Nigell is griveously wounded, if not crippled, now. Shot, actually. Another useless, senseless shooting. But he was not gunned down in the inner city or in the back alleys of Najah or Kabul. Nigell was shot by a disgruntled patron at a Little Rock, AR McDonald's. A guy was slapping and beating a woman, so Nigell, doing what most of us wish we had the balls to do, if not the moral obligation, confronted the abuser. Haskett tackled him, stopped the assault, pitched the man bodily from the store, then barred the door so he couldn't re-enter. Later that night, Nigell's life would change forever.

The aggressor came back to the store, after retrieving a pistol from his car, and blasted Nigell in the stomach with several gunshots. Haskett has had three surgeries for his wounds, and has rang up over $300,000 of medical bills. How does he pay for that, you ask? Well, don't ask McDonald's, because they aren't providing workers' comp to a kid that stopped the assault inside the store.

Read that again, the McDonald's Corporation is arguing that employees can't be "good samaritans", that they just have to call the cops, sit back and let someone (or someones) get savagely beaten, and perhaps killed. Don't be a hero, don't save lives, because Ronald will stick the screws to you.

This is fucking disgusting, and McDonald's has, I swear, lost all business from me, forever. The one bright spot is that courts in most jurisdictions construe workers comp to encompass injuries sustained during rescues and other good samaritan activities while on company time. C'mon, Ronald, do the right thing for fucking once without making this kid be dragged through the sausage grinder of the work comp system, the subsequent court battles and pricey legal fees. You owe it to him.

Read Nigel's story here.

Bullshit, I say. Bullshit

This shitty article by SI's "truth and rumors" website declares that Andre Smith (LT, World Eater) has cost himself millions of dollars by leaving the NFL combine early. That is utter bullshit. Andre Smith started every game at the University of Alabama beginning his freshman year. He is a three-time All-American, and simply the most dominant left tackle, anywhere, at any level, in a decade. He will start in the NFL, be all-pro for 15 years, and be the cornerstone of the Detroit Lions. There is simply nooo way -even as mentally challenged as the Lions may be- that they do not pick big 'Dre as the first player in the draft. He is that kind of franchise player.






"Don't blame me"

No, you are not as cool as Rick Hunt

All hail his Hairness, Master Rick Hunt, Flowbee Overlord...coiffing the masses since 1988!

The product that started it all...FLOWBEE

All bow down before the Flowbee (tm), the product that -for me- started it all. With the Flowbee, thus began my love of incredibly tacky shit you can only buy on television. As devilishly simple and clever this little contraption seems, cutting your hair with a vaccuum cleaner is probably not, in fact, the brightest idea. Apparently, the guard slips, as this wonderful disaster film demonstrates.

Warning, not safe for children, pets, persons with pacemakers and anyone sane

Vince Offer: The SlapChop, better than ShamWow!

"You're going to love my nuts"



Never has a truer sentence been spoken, Vince.

Lawya': Ft. Sill, Skull & Bones, and Geronimo Part One

Excuse me, have you seen my democracy? I seem to have misplaced it.

Dramatis Personae:
The Skull & Bones Society: Yale's worst-kept secret, where the children of privilege rub shoulders, allegedly thwart democracy, and perpetuate an incestuous Ivy power hierarchy. Among its members (allegedly) are John F. Kerry, Sen. Prescott Bush, Bush 41 & 43, Rockefeller (all of 'em), the Heinzes, the Buckleys and the Tafts. Among the more bizarre accusations leveled against the Bones, is that in 1918 a group of these silver-spooned ninnies went to Fort Sill, Oklahoma and dug up Geronimo (all or portions, depending on whose tale, and usually involving his skull) for some of their arcana (e.g., "fraternal rites).

Ft. Sill Apache Tribe: The remnants of the Warm Springs & Chiricahua Apache tribes, relocated from SW New Mexico/SE Arizona to Oklahoma (at the time, "Indian country") following the defeat of the luminary chiefs Mangas Colorado and -more well known- Cochise. This tribe is housed in the dusty midden of Ft. Sill, where Geronimo [or Goyathlay--more on him in a bit] who had become their leader, died in 1909 of pneumonia.

This, by no means, is the list of the main players. But, for the time being, the violated (allegedly) and the grave-robbers (allegedly) are the central focus. Also keep in mind that there were several Apache tribes spread over several states (and two nations) with thousands of square miles of tribal land, and not all of the Apache were lead by, or fought with, Geronimo...indeed, there were many internecine battles amongst the Apache people themselves. This will become important in Part Three when the instant lawsuit is discussed.

In the meanwhile, I'll let the Hartford Courant give you the background of the lawsuit, and how this sad farce came to be:



Part Two (forthcoming): A Brief History and the Legal Basis of the Suit
Part Three (forthcoming): Legal Merits and Repatriation of Native Remains

Today's Nerd Hottie: Kari Byron

The lovely, talented, and smoking-hot Kari Byron from Mythbusters.

When I was seven....

I was doing things like writing and coloring books about monsters, learning to bicycle in my mountainous home, hunting, fishing, science experiments: Really, anything to allow me to get the hell away (mentally). But, by and large, the greatest amount of my not-inconsiderable energy went into trying to bribe, connive and scheme my way into a puppy.

That sounds like normal kid stuff right? Well, perhaps we throw out the "gifted" label way too readily because everyone said that I was a hellishly bright, and gifted child.

Well, I beg to differ, a 7 year-old boy who disproves the long-standing origin of the asteroid belt between Saturn and Jupiter, and then replaces that theory with his own by the age of nine, now that is truly gifted.

I just wanted a puppy.