Awww, hey there little buddy...ARAGRARAGGGGHGHGHGHH!!

Awww, look at him. His little face, pink noes and cute little ears. Don't you just want to wurzzle him?

I'd advise against it, if I were you, actually. We all know ferrets. The cute little weasels that disaffected stoners always seem to have. They are smart, highly trainable, and, of course, prone to theft...even without encouragement. My best friend and band-mate had one that was trained to steal people's keys, hide them. Then, whilst attention was diverted, would steal their pot.  What a great elongated rat.

 Seriously, look at his widdle whiskers.

But, that's just what they are, these cut little ferrets. They're weasels. And weasels are nothing more than intelligent, elongated, and cute rats. 

And, as we all know, rats can be absolutely vicious when provoked, or hungry. Or, really, for no reason whatsoever, other than the fact they're kind of dicks.

Just like the rat and weasel, ferrets too can have their violent, dickish downside. Case in point, from Missouri (of course)

A 4-month-old baby boy from Grain Valley, Missouri, was in critical condition after a family pet ferret ate seven of the infant's fingers, 

The mother was awakened at 2:30 a.m. Monday to her baby's crying, and she awakened her husband with screams upon discovering what happened, Ambrose said.

The dad killed the pet by hurling it across the house, Ambrose said.

The baby now has only two thumbs and a partial pinkie, the chief said. The ferret was about six months old, a police report said.

A necropsy is being performed on the ferret to examine its stomach contents and determine whether the animal had rabies, Ambrose said.

You can't joke about the maiming of a small infant. And, fortunately, things can be done for the child, such as taking the toes, elongating them, and re-attaching them as fingers (would you rather have orthotic shoes or hands?). But, it is once again a reminder that wild animals are just that...wild. We've spent the better part of 35,000 years trying to domesticate the dog, and even then it backfires horribly when they get all wolfy and do what predators are meant to do.

No different from the ferret.

Best just stick with a puppy for now, new parents.

-d.s.

Voynich Manuscript has a Birthday...

and, it's about a full century old than anyone thought.

Kegger?

Let me back up for a second. Life is full of conspiratorial nutjobs chasing grumkins and snarks in the shadows, and looking for hidden wisdom and "ancient astronomers"; healing crystals and magic pyramids, where frankly no evidence exists to support these wild claims (like, for instance, unschooling). 

But, occasionally, nature or accidents of history churn out something so freaky, so bizarre and mysterious that it begs to be explored.

Such is the case of the Voynich Manuscript. 

What is the Manuscript? Good question, no one really knows. And the reason that no one knows is because it describes plants and animals that do not exist, in strange milieus unknown in 15th Century Europe. And, worst of all, is a a language that we cannot read, cannot decipher, yet is incredibly consistent throughout. And, it's illuminated and illustrated.

 Looks like Friday at my house...

Let the good ole' Wiki explain the linguistic style of this one:

The text consists of over 170,000 discrete glyphs, usually separated from each other by narrow gaps. Most of the glyphs are written with one or two simple pen strokes. While there is some dispute as to whether certain glyphs are distinct or not, an alphabet with 20–30 glyphs would account for virtually all of the text; the exceptions are a few dozen rarer characters that occur only once or twice each.
Wider gaps divide the text into about 35,000 "words" of varying length.

These seem to follow phonological or orthographic laws of some sort e.g. certain characters must appear in each word (like English vowels), some characters never follow others, some may be doubled or tripled but others may not, etc.

And, the subject matter:

The illustrations of the manuscript shed little light on the precise nature of its text but imply that the book consists of six "sections", with different styles and subject matter. Except for the last section, which contains only text, almost every page contains at least one illustration. Following are the sections and their conventional names:

Herbal 

Each page displays one plant (sometimes two) and a few paragraphs of text—a format typical of European herbals of the time. Some parts of these drawings are larger and cleaner copies of sketches seen in the "pharmaceutical" section (below). None of the plants depicted are unambiguously identifiable.

Astronomical 

Contains circular diagrams, some of them with suns, moons, and stars, suggestive of astronomy or astrology. One series of 12 diagrams depicts conventional symbols for the zodiacal constellations (two fish for Pisces, a bull for Taurus, a hunter with crossbow for Sagittarius, etc.). Each of these has 30 women figures arranged in two or more concentric bands. Most of the females are at least partly naked, and each holds what appears to be a labeled star or is shown with the star attached by what could be a tether or cord of some kind to either arm. The last two pages of this section (Aquarius and Capricornus, roughly January and February) were lost, while Aries and Taurus are split into four paired diagrams with 15 women and 15 stars each. Some of these diagrams are on fold-out pages.

Biological 

A dense continuous text interspersed with figures, mostly showing small naked women bathing in pools or tubs connected by an elaborate network of pipes, some of them clearly shaped like body organs. Some of the women wear crowns.

Cosmological 

More circular diagrams, but of an obscure nature. This section also has foldouts; one of them spans six pages and contains a map or diagram, with nine "islands" connected by "causeways", castles, and what may be a volcano.

Pharmaceutical 

Many labeled drawings of isolated plant parts (roots, leaves, etc.); objects resembling apothecary jars drawn along the margins; and a few text paragraphs. 

Recipes 

Many short paragraphs, each marked with a flower- or star-like "bullet".

 Pharmacopiea? Madman's rantings? Who knows....

So, know one knows who wrote this tome, what language it's in, why there are plants from the New World in a 15th Century manuscript, much less how cellular anatomy came into play.

But, at least now, thanks to Carbon 14-Isotope dating, we do, in fact, know when it was written: drumroll please....

According to Physorg

University of Arizona researchers have cracked one of the puzzles surrounding what has been called "the world's most mysterious manuscript" – the Voynich manuscript, a book filled with drawings and writings nobody has been able to make sense of to this day.

Using radiocarbon dating, a team led by Greg Hodgins in the UA's department of physics has found the manuscript's parchment pages date back to the early 15th century, making the book a century older than scholars had previously thought.  (specifically 1404-1438).

Again, we have no idea what its purpose was, but as one of the Ariz. U profs conjectures, and I think it's just as likely as any other reason:

"The text shows strange characteristics like repetitive word use or the exchange of one letter in a sequence," he says. "Oddities like that make it really hard to understand the meaning."

"There are types of ciphers that embed meaning within gibberish. So it is possible that most of it does mean nothing. There is an old cipher method where you have a sheet of paper with strategically placed holes in it. And when those holes are laid on top of the writing, you read the letters in those holes."

"Who knows what's being written about in this manuscript, but it appears to be dealing with a range of topics that might relate to alchemy. Secrecy is sometimes associated with alchemy, and so it would be consistent with that tradition if the knowledge contained in the book was encoded. What we have are the drawings.

Just look at those drawings: Are they botanical? Are they marine organisms? Are they astrological? Nobody knows."

 I'm sticking with alchemy...

Anyway, just an awesome little piece of news about one of the most awesome, mysterious objects on the planet today.

-d.s.

Wikileaks: One in picture and one sentence...

Like everyone else, I'm still trying to digest the incredible diplomatic fallout from Wikileaks.

It's been interesting watching the roaches scurry now that the lights have been thrown on. So far, nothing seems to damaging: typical diplomatic name-calling, and our duplicity actually revealed. Although, even as far as the latter are concerned, anyone paying attention could tell you 3/4ths of the unstated policy aims of the American Empire without these cables.

For the nonce, until I can more fully ponder it, this lil' cartoon sums up Wikileaks detractors within the U.S. the best...

Yep, that pretty much sums it up...

-d.s.

I Get Mail: A Note on Lawyerin' and Limitations thereof

 Dammit, why do I get the sense this will be a disclaimer of sorts.

As you have probably adduced, clever lil' ghouls, I am an attorney. This is a fact which surprises even me sometimes; usually when I'm doing dishes in my underwear and having a dance party in the kitchen. That said, the gig comes with some prohibitions, because -- and this may surprise the cynics -- we are, and must be, exceptionally ethical persons.

We are tasked with literally being your agent, both in fact and at law. That's what the word means, at its core: It's derived from Middle English/Archaic French...attourne, or to be appointed.  This concept is a broad one, and when the gravity of it sinks in, you'll hopefully understand where I'm coming from. In a nutshell to be attourned means that: every word you need uttered, scrawled, reiterated; every action that must be advised for or against or taken to protect you; all property and real estate and monies that you need negotiated for, recouperated from, safeguarded, dispensed of and/or collected from; the advancement of your best interests; the protection of your fundamental and economic rights; the enforcement of the laws which make your professional, social and educational life function smoothly and without your notice; the responsibility for your very freedom and personal liberty...all of those are the responsibility of your attorney.

 Pretty heavy shit, huh? But is it as heavy as Slayer?

Trick question...there is nothing heavier than Slayer.

With all of these obligations comes some definite no-no's; do's and dont's that are absolute, and which cannot be breached. Why? Because like every other profession (cocksucker MBAs excluded), we strive to do well by doing right. Ultimately, all of our rules of conduct are to protect you, your faith in the judicial system, and the integrity of the legal system. And we take it seriously. And 95% of us do our jobs with integrity the profession expects and that you deserve.

 I liked him better when he stuck with dick jokes...

Among the laundry list of "Thou shalt nots..." is providing legal advice to a person and then attempting to deny that an attorney-client relationship exists. This means, that if you share a confidence to an attorney regarding an , and he returns those communications with some sort of advice, generally you have created an arguable attorney-client relationship. 

That is why I must now say the following to you*, and am only doing so now because of the emails that I receive...and receive far more than I would like:

• No, I cannot tell you how to get your child support lowered.
• No, I cannot help you with your creepy bosses. (although, I feel for you).
• No, I cannot tell you how to collect from a deadbeat dad. (again, I feel for you)
• No, I do not know and cannot tell you what to do when you flunked your piss tests.
• No, I will not call your landlord and "work it out" for you. (although, I really feel for you)
• No, I do not know someone in Lansing who can handle your sentencing.
• No, I will not tell you if there is an effective way to beat a license revocation if you refused to take a breathalyzer.
• No, I cannot get a restraining order for you. (As a former DV counselor, I will tell you to get one now, though, if you even suspect you need one!)
• No, I do not know how to work things out with Sallie Mae. (trust me on this one!)
• No, I cannot work things out with Financial Aid for you.

These, I cannot do.  I will get in trouble, and you will be poorly served by internet legal advice. There are always legal services organizations, special non-profits (such as fair housing centers, women's and children's shelters), pro bono attorneys, State Bar access to justice programs, attorneys with alternate fee agreements, bartering (depending on the state), and other ways to get quality legal advice, in-person, and accessible to you financially.

• Lastly, for everyone who sends me emails/texts/IMs telling me about your love of the law, I do appreciate that. And, I do appreciate the enthusiasm for your dreams and ambitions. I am not trying to squelch those dreams, believe me, but there are some harsh realities based upon the follow-up questions/statements that invariably arise. Such as:
• "I love the law. How do I become a lawyer?", " What's it like", "I'm thinking about going to law-school", etc. 
• To that end, this 5 minute video will explain it far better than my failing words could ever convey.

 

via Wahoo Corner's brilliance.

"I do not like my BlackBerry..."

Sorry I had to lay that on the 80,000 of you who have not asked for legal advice; from a complete stranger (and a creepy one at that); who's demonstrable niches are sexual innuendo, raging leftism, far too many songs in his repertoire, and juvenile humor; all via a yahoo email account. (srsly?!)

That said, dick jokes to resume shortly. And, thank you for your patience (CYA, and all that).

-d.s.

* * *

* Proper version is as follows, in case there were any doubts that this is a professional site (hint: It's not). This web site contains general information, on occasion, for the general public. Nothing contained herein is intended as legal advice. You should neither act nor refrain from acting based on information obtained from this site. None of the information contained herein is privileged or confidential. The information contained herein is is not necessarily reflective of my personal opinions, nor those of my clients, co-counsel or firm. Finally, no form of electronic communication you send creates, or shall create, an attorney-client relationship. An attorney-client relationship must be via a written, signed agreement expressly creating the same. -EJE (<-- yes, I realize you can totally stalk me, but it's not like I'm hiding, or anything. Hell, I even put my picture up there.).

Best Spam Header Ever...

A la my Gmail account

Of chop no eyelid. Which seakale? Are the thirteenth propitious?

Of chop no eyelid, indeed, and yes, the 13th is propitious for me...and you?

Pic unrelated. But, you know what? It's just that kind of day....

.

For the tens of people who think homosexuality is a "choice"

I defy you to watch the Ten Minute Tranny's "Little Mermaid" revue and get back to me if you think these men are trying to defy god's will, rebelling against society or in any way being other than who they were and how they were born.

Thanks 

-Rational society

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As if a heart attack weren't merely bad enough...

I

 I wish I were talking about the "nurses" at the Heart Attack Grill...

In what could be this year's least stunning bit of scientific research, clinicians in Germany have found a link between corornary heart disease/heart attacks/strokes and impotence....

The University of Saarland report, published in the journal Circulation, suggests men with impotence should be checked for cardiovascular disease.
Some experts want doctors to ask about impotence in over-40s health checks.
Impotence is linked to inadequate blood flow in the penile arteries.
These are much smaller than coronary arteries.
So for some men, a persistent failure to get an erection might be an early sign that his arteries are narrowing.

 What do you mean, I can't get it up?

This really shouldn't surprise any...whatsover. The male penis is a feat of hydraulic engineering that requires adequate blood flow. No blood flow, no happy time. So, I guess we now get to amend the  heart attack symptoms and signs:

• Tingling/Pain in the left side of the body
• Left side facial pain
• Crushing/tightness in the center of the chest
• Fleshing/sweating...

A

and this...

. 

A reminder about Polar Bears...

I know, it' looks awfully cute, and it should come as no surprise: Both dogs and bears are in the carmifordia branch of the order carnivora, and both species are highly intelligent, playful and will totally fucking kill you in the wild.

Steven Colbert is on a constant threat alert about bears. Somehow, though, the message just hasn't gotten through to people that Polar Bears are, in fact, bears. They are as large as a grizzly, agile swimmers, and -because of human encroachment- much more likely to come into contact with human settlements. This doesn't make them less likely to attack, but more so.

Just last year, my daughter and I were at the Doorly Zoo in Omaha. While there, we saw a juvenile male polar bear checking out the small children standing next to its tank. He would pounce around, dive into the water, then take a couple of test laps by the children. That's when it occurred to us that these little children, thinking that the polar bear was being inquisitive, probably appeared to be tasty, seal-sized bites of flesh to the polar bear.

This is the actual bear that was sooooo interested in the kiddos.

I finally have my confirmation. Behold the below awesomeness. It's a group of Japanese tourists at Seaworld. One of the young ladies has purchased a baby Harp Seal plush hat. Not thinking, she walks right up to get a closer view of the cute polar bear...awesomeness ensues...

She deserved it...it's the way she was dressed.

Image via Gifbin.com

For those of you wanting to feel sorry for this girl, two things to remember: First, she is approaching an 800 pound predator that's been in captivity most of its life. Second, she is approaching said predator, dressed up as its favorite food source, captivity be damned...Now, perhaps people will remember; they aren't cute...they're just white, aquatic versions of grizzlies, and I don't see a whole lot of people queuing up to pet those beasts.

Sigh.

I see you're not convinced, so go ahead and watch the video of puppies and bears playing.

.

Pedobear/John Edwards can get behind this...

According to a French researcher (e.g., libertine), marriages flourish when the wife is at least 5 years younger than the husband.*

That's pretty hot...so, tell me, are you marriageable?

I can honestly say that my first marriage did not work out that way, although, according to the researchers, it was destined to succeed: The wife was 27% smarter than me, and I was 5 years older. Of course, the esteemed scientist did not count on knocking up a man-hating lesbian who loathed men with the wrath of a thousand suns, nor did they count on the person (of alleged 20% greater raw intelligence), being married to someone who was -objectively- a friggin' genius. So, there are a few confounds....

Nor, apparently, did they account for my "it's all pink" Blitzkrieg strategy....

All that said, I wonder what the same researcher would think of the research demonstrating the wonders of an occasional extra-marital romp in the sack? The "money shot", as it were, is this line:

“young women in love” must “understand that mono-gamy sometimes conspires against a lasting relationship”...“Men dream of sex,” she says, but are able to separate sex from love more easily than women. “Some men,” she goes on, “can spend the afternoon in a hotel with their mistress and come home to dinner with the family without any feelings of guilt.” According to Vaillant, obsessive fidelity is as much of a plague in a marriage as serial infidelity

A-Freakin'-Men.

.

 

Amen. Food Allergies.

 

I have an allergy to smart-asses

One thing that perplexes me, and is something I ruminate frequently upon is the new scourge of alleged food allergies. I am not talking about fatal reactions to peanuts, but all of these folks claiming weird allergies to everything from sorghum and eggs and dairy to wheat and barley. 

I grew up in no less than 13 school districts, with no less than 15,000 children encountered. Want to know how many kids died from the school lunches, which were heavily laden with soy, nuts, whey, wheat, and the like.

Abso-fucking-lutely zero. 

They did, however, turn into armies of the diminutive undead.

 

Yet, you can barely turn your head these days without someone claiming some fantastical new allergy. If the incidence of these food allergies were so great, then humanity would have fuck-all never gotten off the ground. If all of the available grains were sickening 1/7th of the population; if easy protein like legumes and eggs were death-nuggets, then how the fuck are we still around. Why are there no cautionary tales in historical literature that read "thou shalt not eat a fucking omelette?" 

Simple. It's Bullshit. That's why. 

 

 Sniff. Sniff. I smell bullshit.

The Times of London has a fabulous editorial on the 400% increase of people claiming to have newer, more exotic food allergies. The entire thing is worth your read, however, enjoy some excerpts:

The nation is in the grip of an epidemic, but one very different from those usually written about, such as obesity, diabetes and binge-drinking. What makes this epidemic unusual is that it is not an illness or condition in itself, but the false belief that something is wrong with you. This mass delusion affects millions of people in this country, and it’s getting worse. It’s food intolerance. One in five Britons now claims to have a food allergy or intolerance, with most stating wheat as the problem. That is an increase of 400 per cent in the past 20 years. 

Now research conducted by Portsmouth University has shown that of those people claiming to have an allergy or intolerance, only 2 per cent actually did. 

The realisation that most people aren’t that special can be avoided by adopting a quasi-medical condition that sets one apart. It demands attention and consideration. It forces other people to think about them and make special arrangements for them. Only last week, a friend with recently self-diagnosed lactose intolerance came round for a cup of tea. “Do you have any soya milk?” she asked as the kettle boiled. I confessed I hadn’t and felt awful. It was then that I realised she was on her third chocolate biscuit. “Oh, milk’s OK in chocolate biscuits,” she said hastily. How convenient, I thought. 

Pretty sobering, but not entirely unexpected. Think about it 2% of the population are earnest, sincere and have legitimate concerns and/or medical condiction. The other 98% are self-important, self-obsessed, "look at me", lying pricks. So, quit being an asshat, and enjoy your omelette and dry wheat toast.

STFU and eat your lunch Billy.  You're not special.

.

AMBER ALERT: PLEASE READ

and then, disseminate accordingly to your inclinations and/or desires.

3 yr old boy taken by man in Rochester MN driving 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse... MN plate # 98B351

 

 

This is a 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse. The color of the subject vehicle is unknown at this time. Please be vigilant.

. 

 

Many things to worry about

And, yes, the Hadron Collider is one of them...

or is it?





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Should have listened to me...

Yesterday, when I was ranting about the American Taliban's interference into even the most banal of questions growing humans have about themselves, I noted that rather than banning these materials, we should have open lines of communication about sexuality and adolescence. It's called a teaching moment.

What happens when you don't listen? Worse than you could possibly imagine...

 

The stork will be along shortly.

H/T to Ben for this one via email.

. 

System of a Down Syndrome...

I think, and have always maintained, that an essential question women should ask of prospective partners is the following:

Do you like, listen to, jam out with, or own anything by a nu-metal band? Egregious offenses include Coal Chamber, the Disturbed, any Korn album past 1997, anything by Slipknot, and...most importantly...SYSTEM OF A DOWN.

Is there a difference between this....

 

This?

Trick question! Of course there is, and the answer is "gender".

This important message brought to you by musicians against anti-music.

.

 

Having a daughter, I deeply worry about these sorts of things...

Creepers? Predators? Online stalkers? Pedophiles? Perverts? Congressmen?

Psssshaaaa.

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fghtan!

. 

Redneckery and Rifles...

A while back, I detailed the abject redneckery of my least favorite state (Missouri), and of our hick neighbors in the Great White North. Now, let's talk about a new topic: Good ole' American shitkickers who are armed and think that guns are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Your humble author, in Chilicothe, Missouri; the actual home of sliced bread.

I'm not going to be a snob here about firearms* per se, the Second Amendment intimates (and the Heller decision make clear) that the right to bear arms is an individual right. And, given the Framer's intent, I think that's true: An unarmed population is more subject to tyranny and governmental control.

 

 Read the opinion again, bitches...I'm totally strapped.**

However, I think the greater problem lies with those who treat their weapons as children or lovers, as if we're a bunch of modern ronin, reeking of gun oil...

Seems as though I spoke too soon; perhaps some cretins do view their .12 gauge on par with their breast-feeding miscreant. This should be the fucking poster for some Montana White Resistance organization. BTW: Eddie Eagle would go fucking nuts over this picture; if not for the cavalier handling of the shotgun, then because the NRA just got them a brand-spanking new lifetime member. Voila...

 

If you've got five minutes, your life will be altered forever...

 We're not done yet. Besides keeping the streetsweeper above on par with a suckling babe, some enterprising 'necks have decided that, hell, let's just put our rifles in our family portraits and seal the deal.

What's better here? The parakeet or the bayonet (looks like an M4 carbine). In either event, there's no way in hell you could walk down to Olin Mills (or, in this case, K-Mart), and have this picture taken anymore. Just one more reason I miss the '80s.

We've seen people glorifying their family, but what about those mini-militias throughout the trailers of the flyover who want to share with your family. Well, god bless Idaho...they've got you covered.

Idaho Honky Justice indeed. If Santa doesn't buy the farm from the spring-loaded claymore at the front door, Dwayne here will take him out with his semi-auto shotgun.

BTW: Your Christmas tree sucks.

Literally, you could go on like this for days. Suffice it to say, just because one has a right to own a firearm, doesn't in all cases indicate that they should actually possess one. And, our 308,000,000 citizens collectively own enough firearms for every man, woman and child to all get in on the action.***

Exhibit A.

Sleep tight. 

* Hell, how could I be...I got my first gun at age 8, and by that age helping with subsistence hunting when we were living on the Rez.

**  I know, she was in the 4-member minority in Heller. Still, it's pretty funny.

*** Der Schatten formerly owned three pistols, three shotguns, and a high powered rifle, and was a former member of the NRA, and served a brief stint in the military, and was a pretty fucking good marksman. Now, that should scare the hell out of you.



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80s Childhood Fantasies, Part the Second

Last week, I detailed my love of ladies from Charles in Charge, the Dukes of Hazzard, Wonder Woman, and various other bad viewing. Today, I take a look at the girls who were closer to my age, whom I lusted after with equal zeal, only in a sorta' more realistic way:

Dana Plato: Diff'rent Strokes


She was my number one love and lust through childhood, combining equal parts devil and sultry (for a 14 year old, in any event), as well as any and ever bad 80s meme that came down the pipe: perms, overalls, Swatches, friendship bracelets, acid-washed skinny jeans. No one else on my list was a purer child of the 80s.

How I will always remember Dana; Audrey Hepburn eyes, angelic face...and bad hair...

 When you're 12, the whole teen-prostitute, roller-derby queen bit was fun to look at as well....

Dana grew up, became a super hottie, appeared in Playboy, and, sadly, after two decades of drug addiction and arrests, passed away in 1999. Requiem Aeternum, Dana.

Alyssa Milano: Who's the Boss

Alyssa requires no introduction, being one of the most devilishly sexy women currently alive; however, there were signs that this could happen, even when she was 14, and having her career stymied by Tony-freaking-Danza.

Yea, pretty much makes the surface of the sun feel like Fargo by comparison...

And, like Dana, she screamed "pure sin" to this preteen heart....only she had none of  Plato's "girl next door" thing going for her. Rather, she was a dynamo waiting to mature, or so I thought...

 

 You know what? My instincts on this one were so very, very good. For those seeking something a bit more prurient, there are enough NSFW photos to suffice it to say the 37 year old has taken her clothes off...a lot. (God bless her).

Nancy McKeon: "Jo" from Facts of Life

I do love the brunettes, and I do adore some cute tomboys, the character of Jo was seemingly the only one with any depth or humanity on that show...and, she was always in the background of Mindy or Tooty or the god-forsaken ditzy blonde. Of all my fantasies, this would have been the one I would have most liked to go have a beer with, and just chill...

Here she is today, a very elegant, still-striking, and very much a put-together, attractive woman. Instincts win again...You could see yourself marrying this one...

Sporting equipment, fixing motorcycles, suckerpunching Blair...was there anything she couldn't do? And, look at that smile. Dazzling. Of course, being a prepubescent hornball, I was very much interested in what she would look like without clothing, or scantily clad....

While that never happened, we did get the pleasure of watching the cute, but-awkward tomboy blossom into one very attractive young ladt. Thanks Jo!

. 

 

Proof, again, of Vonnegut's Wisdom

You know it's true....don't even argue.

Particularly damning, when you consider that my high school class [lackwits to a tee] includes the mayor of one of the 5 largest Alabama cities, a trial court judge, state Assembly persons, three professors and more rednecks-with-money than you can shake a maraschino cherry at...

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Admit it, Canada, y'all are rednecks too...

Our friends in Manitoba have their 'Necks....

The special Eastern Canadian subtype known as the Newfie...

The scary-ass, methheads & roughnecks in Alberta (with Bonus Mullet!!!...

The lovely hick ladies of the Canadian Midwest (a/k/a Saskatchewan)...

The Yukon's version of Piggly Wiggly...

 

 The French-speaking cretins in Quebec...

The larval 'Necks of Ontario...

The shitkickers and douchewads in New Brunswick (with Bonus Mullet!!!)....

The gestational mouth-breathers of British Columbia (with double-bonus Baby Mullet!!!)...

So, see Canada...you're a lot more like us than you admit it: You've got roughly the same educational attainment, the same degree of heavily-armed wood-dwelling recluses, a shit-load of mullets, trashy women, toothless miscreants and country cookin'. This works out well for both of us.

When we come to annex your oil, gas, timber and Megan Fox, we'll fit right in and get along in one big happy redneck family....The way we always should have been.

Just like Tommy & Pam...only hotter...and with a bigger dick