Redneckery and Rifles...

A while back, I detailed the abject redneckery of my least favorite state (Missouri), and of our hick neighbors in the Great White North. Now, let's talk about a new topic: Good ole' American shitkickers who are armed and think that guns are the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Your humble author, in Chilicothe, Missouri; the actual home of sliced bread.

I'm not going to be a snob here about firearms* per se, the Second Amendment intimates (and the Heller decision make clear) that the right to bear arms is an individual right. And, given the Framer's intent, I think that's true: An unarmed population is more subject to tyranny and governmental control.

 

 Read the opinion again, bitches...I'm totally strapped.**

However, I think the greater problem lies with those who treat their weapons as children or lovers, as if we're a bunch of modern ronin, reeking of gun oil...

Seems as though I spoke too soon; perhaps some cretins do view their .12 gauge on par with their breast-feeding miscreant. This should be the fucking poster for some Montana White Resistance organization. BTW: Eddie Eagle would go fucking nuts over this picture; if not for the cavalier handling of the shotgun, then because the NRA just got them a brand-spanking new lifetime member. Voila...

 

If you've got five minutes, your life will be altered forever...

 We're not done yet. Besides keeping the streetsweeper above on par with a suckling babe, some enterprising 'necks have decided that, hell, let's just put our rifles in our family portraits and seal the deal.

What's better here? The parakeet or the bayonet (looks like an M4 carbine). In either event, there's no way in hell you could walk down to Olin Mills (or, in this case, K-Mart), and have this picture taken anymore. Just one more reason I miss the '80s.

We've seen people glorifying their family, but what about those mini-militias throughout the trailers of the flyover who want to share with your family. Well, god bless Idaho...they've got you covered.

Idaho Honky Justice indeed. If Santa doesn't buy the farm from the spring-loaded claymore at the front door, Dwayne here will take him out with his semi-auto shotgun.

BTW: Your Christmas tree sucks.

Literally, you could go on like this for days. Suffice it to say, just because one has a right to own a firearm, doesn't in all cases indicate that they should actually possess one. And, our 308,000,000 citizens collectively own enough firearms for every man, woman and child to all get in on the action.***

Exhibit A.

Sleep tight. 

* Hell, how could I be...I got my first gun at age 8, and by that age helping with subsistence hunting when we were living on the Rez.

**  I know, she was in the 4-member minority in Heller. Still, it's pretty funny.

*** Der Schatten formerly owned three pistols, three shotguns, and a high powered rifle, and was a former member of the NRA, and served a brief stint in the military, and was a pretty fucking good marksman. Now, that should scare the hell out of you.



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