Oh, Internet, I can't quit you...

You truly are the gift that keeps giving. If I need to waste time at work, amuse myself with dick jokes, watch porn of the variety only available in Berlin, or just check the scores of a D-III football game, you are there for me...

Why yes, I would like some People's Wagon fucking, please.

[unzips trousers]

 

But the internet is so much more than an idyll; sometimes it provides you with jaw-dropping instances of why humanity, as the dominant species, can't continue on indefinitely....Like so...

Via AOL

Richard Simmons, the fitness guru best known for his "Sweatin' to the Oldies" exercise videos, is now teaching air travelers how to avoid a disaster.

Air New Zealand has recruited the ever-enthusiastic workout guru to recite the in-flight safety instructions in his own emphatic style.

 WTF?

RICHARD FUCKIN' SIMMONS, THAT'S WHAT!!!

Sometimes words just don't do just to the WTF factor here...But, here's a partial transcript....

"Hi, everybody, In the next three minutes we're going to work hard, work out and get you fit to fly," Simmons begins.

"First let's stretch it out, and loose that baggage. Stretch it up to the overhead locker or slide it under the seat in front of you. Stretch and slide!

"Yeah! You're a giraffe!"

And, you didn't think I was going to let you go without the video, did you?

AND LET'S KICK BUTT!!!!

-d.s.