I defy you to not laugh...

Ladies & Germs, this week's absolute win...Have a drunken/stoned/debaucherous weekend miscreants.

Where is your god now, mofo?

.d.s

Oh, Internet, I can't quit you...

You truly are the gift that keeps giving. If I need to waste time at work, amuse myself with dick jokes, watch porn of the variety only available in Berlin, or just check the scores of a D-III football game, you are there for me...

Why yes, I would like some People's Wagon fucking, please.

[unzips trousers]

 

But the internet is so much more than an idyll; sometimes it provides you with jaw-dropping instances of why humanity, as the dominant species, can't continue on indefinitely....Like so...

Via AOL

Richard Simmons, the fitness guru best known for his "Sweatin' to the Oldies" exercise videos, is now teaching air travelers how to avoid a disaster.

Air New Zealand has recruited the ever-enthusiastic workout guru to recite the in-flight safety instructions in his own emphatic style.

 WTF?

RICHARD FUCKIN' SIMMONS, THAT'S WHAT!!!

Sometimes words just don't do just to the WTF factor here...But, here's a partial transcript....

"Hi, everybody, In the next three minutes we're going to work hard, work out and get you fit to fly," Simmons begins.

"First let's stretch it out, and loose that baggage. Stretch it up to the overhead locker or slide it under the seat in front of you. Stretch and slide!

"Yeah! You're a giraffe!"

And, you didn't think I was going to let you go without the video, did you?

AND LET'S KICK BUTT!!!!

-d.s.

Not all Student-Athletes are televised

No, Stanford, I'm not talking about your Men's Water Polo. And, no North Carolina, I'm not talking about your Women's Field Hockey.

I'm talking about the other exceptional talents that many kids work on, unheralded, without scholarship, and without the applause and laudatory attention of millions.

I'm talking, specifically, about the well-worn, time-honored drinking game of quarters.

Behold, the most talented such player that has ever slopped tequila down the front of a dirty shirt.

The Michael Jordan/Pele/Tiger Woods of the Booze World.

 h/t Spock Jenkins

-d.s. 

This Week's Internet Winner...

East Coast edition...

Colbert forgot another one of the Bear's many failings...illiteracy.

-d.s.

This Week's Internet Winner...

Off to a long, weird, oddly busy week. No time like the present to unleash this week's internet winner, the Busey-faced Walrus :)


Wait till tomorrow, BTW, to see the incredibly awesome, but true, story that I share with you tomorrow: It restores my faith in both humanity and Seattle. Until then, Winnar.

That is an excellent Walrus face. Simply excellent.

Both of 'em.

-d.s.

This Week's Internet Winner...

LULZ.

I really wish I could remember where I found this, because this is just funny.

-d.s

Sublime.

Absolutely awe-inducing. Sublime. Awesome. Powerful. Transcendent. Majestic. Terrifying.

Whatever adjectives you can conjure neither they, nor these photographs by Sean Heavey (Glasgow, Montana) can do justice to the power and majesty of nature's fury unleashed. These images are of the phenomenon known as a "supercell", a tornadic strength thunderstorm that drop out of the sky and wreak untold damage and horror.

Having lived through a few of these in the South, they are terrifying and awesome to behold. Mr. Heavey's photos, and the subsequent story in the Daily Mail (UK), are splendid.

Click for full-size pants-wetting.

Anyone else reminded of Nivens' classic "Mote in God's Eye"?

Seriously, go check out the Daily Mail's full story and many, many more images. Well worth your time.

-d.s. 

This week's internet winner...

and the winner is, actually multiple entries: But all feature hockey playing bears...and skating much better than I do.

Bear Playing Hockey - Watch more Funny Videos

Winnnarrrr!!!

.

Tasteless Part One: Some of my favorite things...

Back when I was a'courting, I thought I'd introduce a lady to my brand of humor; raunchy, tasteless, dead babies, jokes invoking every sort of -ism imaginable because I think we all need to laugh at ourselves (or others, if you're just feeling cruel). So, as we would IM one another during law school classes, at night, drankin', etc., I'd send her some kick-ass (imho) pics.

Here is the first part of this tasteless dump.

We can all get behind the proper way to squelch the squawking of the babes...

The look on this kiddo's face is priceless; everyone loves the chest-burster alien...

Too soon?

This undoubtedly will be the cover shot for the new Texas Science/Social Studies textbook...

Bwahahahahahaaaaaaa.....

God bless the internet...

.

This Week's Internet Winner

This is the most awesome, and obviously uncomfortable Hallo'eve costume ever...

The Aluminum Foil Luchadora.

Thanks Internet!

,

This week's Internet Win: Jared Allen

Pink Cadillac? Mullet? Long horns? Kaftan? AK-47? Cowboy hat?

Affirmative all, sir.

This week's winner of the Internet is none other than the Minnesota Viking's D-lineman, Jared Allen. This is a man who does not take shit seriously. He plays a game for a living, and knows it. As a result, he plays it very well, but the rest of his life is seemingly dedicated to being the funniest redneck currently walking the planet.

Don't believe me? Here's his outlook on the mullet:

If someone asks you if you want extra mayonnaise, you say YES.

He just gives not one shit and lives life with a smile and a beer: We need more like him...

.