Cartoon Characters I Want To Sleep With: Esmeralda.

My unrequited love of ethnic women knows no boundaries: Tatars, Turks, Ukranians, Lebanese, Greek, Rus, Eastern Europeans of varying unidentifiable ethnicity, and -of course- the Roma.

Better known as "Gypsies" to the uninitiated, these stateless citizens are found in exceptionally high concentration in Bulgaria, Romania, France, and anywhere else they won't be prosecuted (as has historically been the case).

I could rail about the injustice done to the Roma (and perhaps I should, one day); however, now is not the time. Suffice it to say that lord, there are some beautiful Roma women in these insular conclaves.

Ms. Romania, for instance...

Sadly, cartoon versions of the lovely refugees of Eastern Europe are few and far between. To our Western eyes, we'd recognize very few of them. In fact, I can only (off the top of my head) immediately name one, but she is a doozy: Esmeralda from Disney's bastardization of Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

 Seriously, what's not to like about this....

Easily the most buxom Disney character, Esmeralda rocks some billowing peasant skirts/blouses, diving cleavage, and has the best coiffure this side of Jasmine. As with all Disney ethnic characters, they do make her a darker hue, with decidedly Anglo features (right down to the green eyes). But, if you look at Ms. Romania above, it actually works this time.

And, easily amenable to CosPlay!

Besides being the prototypical "type" what else does Esmeralda have going for her? Well, the first and foremost thing in her camp, is the unapologetic "Gyspy-ness" of the character; tinkerers, street performers, artisans, diviners, and pole dancers.

What? Pole Dancers?

Easily the most Sex-centric thing Disney has ever pulled, Esmeralda has a famous "pole dance" scene in Hunchback, programming children to accept their fate in smokey bars, over-priced drink in hand, shoving ones down stripper thongs...

Seriously, Disney. What the fuck?

Naturally, such a sensual character hearkens lust, desire, and a not-inconsequential amount of day-dreaming (including me). And, the best part is, unlike some quite frankly baffling tribute art, the Esmeralda smutty tribute art, actually works this time.

Including, what I am certain might be statutory offenses in America....

Good ole Jasmine, Esmerelda's got the cure for what ails ya...

Of course, some are slightly more...baffling...

A bit more aquatic and spiny than I like in my women, but...

And, then there are some that just take Quasimodo's lusts to their natural plateau...

Seriously, be glad that I cropped this one...

So, let's give a hand to the most sumptuous, overtly-sexual Disney character yet: Esmeralda. The Roma cum cracker that turned a thousand heads, and gave hundreds of little boys strange feelings in the movie theatre. It's not often that Disney gets one right --and I'm not sure this was intentionally correct, so much an accident of morphology-- but this time, they did.

While I am certain Victor Hugo is rolling over in his grave, Disney hasn't exactly made it's living with faithful reproductions...

-d.s.