A Few Thoughts on the Value of Sexy Toys.

McDonalds. Xandria. Burger King. Adam and Eve. McRibs. Fleshlights.

What do these things have in common? If a sex toy shop in Huntsville, Alabama has its way, then they are all things that you will soon be able to shop for via a drive through pick-up window.

As WHNT Channel 19 reports:

Pleasures' proprietor Sherri Williams has found a new way to stimulate business. The new Pleasures location is already open, but starting on Saturday, the former bank building and its three lane drive-thru window will offer customers faster shopping from the privacy of their car, via a four-foot-tall lighted menu featuring a variety of adult toys, lubricants and stimulants.

 No, I didn't order the Enema Kit; just the Medium Ball Gag-to-go. Purple.

The story continues...

Drive-thrus are widely considered one of the greatest convenience revolutions of modern times, and aside from the occasional missing straw or ignored request for 'no pickles', there usually aren't any surprises.

But at the new Pleasures drive-thru, a little spontaneity will be exactly what the customer is looking for. Saturday, the teller bays of an old bank will be transformed in to Pleasures' new one-stop drive-thru romance shop, where customers can pull through, order what they want from a menu and have it delivered right to the teller drawer.

Now, I'm not sure about you, but "spontaneity" when picking out a toy isn't exactly what I had in mind. Latex can cause some serious reactions, for instance. And, not everyone is down with knobbed glass dildos. 

That said, I wholly endorse the concept, especially in puritanical places (e.g., damned near all of America), where people are discouraged from parking their cars and looking for the occasional vibrating cockring, or horse-tail butt plug.

"Ok, so the stainless steel Anubis doesn't really do it for me. 

But, what the hell, if you like it, let's give it a go."

--What everyone should say to their partner's respective kinks

As most of you remember (or could readily guess), I love sex shops, sex toys, and anything that promotes a spirited romp in the sack. Adore them, but for reasons which may surprise you. No, I do not enjoy them merely for the gloryholes. Rather, I think placing odd things in our respective orifices, or eating out of custom-monogrammed pet dishes, makes us a more open, honest society. It makes our relationships more healthy, promotes communication and certainly more fun (although, never underestimate the power of missionary done well).  And, when done right, sexual accessories can be damned beautiful, as well as erotic. (see my previous fascination with shibari).

 Seriously, people, elegant ropework accentuates the feminine form: It's not solely my kink, it's my abiding love of the beautiful. And this is beautiful.

Sometimes, you just want to feel a little dirty. There's nothing wrong with that.  So, go to your local purveyor of porn, and take your loved one along. Talk to one another, discover new things, openly discuss your sex lives and the joys of exploring one another's body.  Laugh, love, live, engage in  commerce to support your local small businesses. 

This sad spin on the carousel of woe is the only life we have. And our bodies are the only vehicle with which to enjoy it. Don't limit that life by artificial and arbitrary constraints, largely imposed by others, who would deny you the pleasure of a healthy, safe, sane sexual relationship.

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For more posts RE: Sex toys, I recommend my confession that I wish I had a vagina to try out the OhMiBod iPod vibrator; the horror that is the Fleshlight; and the Japan collection of lolita, amputee, hentai, sleepy sex WTF -- there are many more, as well, if you're into frightening large dildos and mythical creature dongs :)

-D.S.

Wednesday dreamed about you...

And, by you, I mean Alien Sex Fiend. One of the legends. I never saw these guys live, and that is a shame. Anyway, enjoy this live rendition of "I walk the line", which, despite the title, is not a cover of Johnny Cash's song of the same. 

My suspicion is that the universe would fold in on itself like a microwaved souffle owing to the forces of awesome unleashed by a Johnny Cash/Alien Sex Fiend joint endeavor.

Let's see what Mr. Shadow has been up to, shall we...

Oh, nothing much on this end. Besides lawyerin' and being intimidated by incredibly beautiful human beings (of all genders, races, sizes, religions, ethnicity, creeds and various permutations theref), I've just been taking it easy...catching some sights, you know, like...


Watching the locals and haoles engage in meaningful cultural exchange:

This is non-fiction, clearly. Her hair is not frizzy enough from humidity.

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Visiting Kiluea's gentle lava flows roll into the sea. Perfectly safe:

Pompeii? Why do you ask?

 * * *

Commune with the peaceful, idyllic wildlife:

 More legs than a spider, less than a roly-poly.

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Enjoying the locally-grown foods and cuisine:

 The goat enjoys this less than you'd imagine.

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Going for relaxing drives across the gentle island hills:

 Fifteen thousand feet, in one hour (from sea-level), should be manageable by car.

* * *

Watching the tide swell in, as the sun sets over Keauhou Bay:

These gentle giants of the ocean are so misunderstood and wrongly feared.

In all seriousness; this is a great place. I love it, and love the gig. The people are great. The island is amazing. The fruit and vegetables and fish, as well as beef, pork and chicken, are always fresh and always from local producers. There is one helluva' sticker shock when grocery shopping, and paying your electric bill. But, for the benefits of being in America, yet not having any vibe remotely resembling the States, this the choice for ex-pats of all ages and hues. Sorry, Mainland, I'll come visit. But I'm here for life.

-D.S.

 

 

 

 

Irony, thy name is delicious...Grave Robbin' Edition

Understated. I like it.

 

 

I've always maintained that I love people like a twisted version of Doctor Who loves people: That is to say, that I am amazed by them. Not necessarily by their stories, their deeds, their actions, their histories -- although there is that -- but mainly by the creative and seemingly endless ways in which we commit a variety of fuck ups, failures and foibles. 

 

In a sense we are spooky toddlers blundering around the planet like children performing brain surgery.

Pictured (L to R): Dr. Pookums and her charge nurse preparing for a routine micro-ablation of Broca's Region.

That said, imagine my delight when I read this story from the Chengdu Evening News via China Daily Mail.

A grave-robbing villager in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan province, surrendered to police on Friday after he killed a rival.

The fight was over who has the right to rob an ancient tomb.

Ye Guicai, 32, was a member of a gang that robbed a dozen graves. However, he recently learned about an ancient tomb near his house and when the gang tried to steal from it, Ye tried to claim it as his own.

However, the other members of the gang wanted to share the tomb's treasures and a fight broke out. During the fight, Ye used a knife to kill one of the other gang members.

This heart-warming tale of "WTF?" is brought to you by Rabid Seal (tm). When bats, badgers, dogs and raccoons just won't do for your rabies fix, try Rabid Seal (tm).

Seriously, you just can't make this shit up. Murdering one another over the right to unearth dead people's belongings. You know who approves of this? Loki, that's who; the only God that I see in daily life. Because, Loki knows, there is more than enough chaos, dickish irony, and black humor to go around.

-D.S.