Bastard Child of Flowbee: The Fleshlight (with Mocha Butt Insert)

I was having lunch with the MonekyGirl today, going through some pics of fail, etc. Otherwise, having a pleasant time, when what should appear on "Emails From Crazy People"....

Bad form...bad form. 

For those of you not privy to a Fleshlight, it is (to use one of the MonkeyGirl's phrases) a "male pleasuring device, shaped quite literally like a flashlight. The only difference is that the end does not illuminate with a bulb, rather, the battery power instead vibrates pink latex shaped like a woman's hinter regions.

 

Don't look into the light...

 This contraception straight outta' hell is essentially a pocket p******. The same things they've been selling for decades. Apparently, it's just as comfortable as one of the original models, only it's smaller, tighter, more prone to causing chafing and staff infections (intentional pun there, guys),  and is, by all intents and purposes, exactly what it looks like: A piece of vaginal-shaped rubber stuffed into a flashlight casing. Cost? $69.00. 

Apparently, the Fleshlight comes in many varieties, shaped like the vaginas of prominent porn actresses. However, my favorite is the "Mocha Butt Fleshlight"

What ever happened to a robust imagination?

To those wanting a little backside action though, I could scarcely envision how horrific that would feel to the Lil' Bishop. According to Harry Palms, at The Fleshlight Sucks, the experience of the regularly ole' girlie model is not exactly one I'd recommend to young gents setting sail aboard the U.S.S. Pleasure Barge. (edited because I like you all).

My d*** is by no means huge, but it's also not tiny. The first time I used the Fleshlight, I lubed myself up pretty well, and I also lubed up the FL. Now, maybe it was the fact that I left the back "suction cap" on, or maybe it was because I wasn't dripping with lube, but not only was entry into this thing difficult, but it also hurt like hell. This suction cap, incidentally, is supposed to control how much air escapes (or doesn't escape) to create a "more intense" sensation. In my case, that meant a "more intense" sensation of PAIN.

I had the suction cap halfway on when I first managed to cram my c*** into this thing, and upon withdrawing fully, that suction "sensation" felt like someone stabbed me in the d***hole with a lit match. Holy fucking hell, that didn't feel good.

Well, that certainly sounds erotic.

  

Given that it burns, chafes, is expensive as all hell, can be readily discovered, and (if you're that creepy) inadvertently shared by your pervy brother, my overall advice to the young man above? It's the exact same advice I gave my little brother when he got out of the Army toting the old horrifying version...

About $6...you can thank me later...and you can always share without being creepy.